*Turns around*

00:00:02,440 --> 00:00:03,500 嘿大家好！

Ryan: Oh hey guys!

所以你看到囉，我正在搬家

So as you can see I'm moving, right?

背後還有一堆箱子

With all the boxes

完全就是全球共通的搬家符號

Universal symbol for moving.

這只是演戲啦。我只是想要弄出一條路通過 (雙關: 想讓你明白) 實際上我沒有要把這些東西拿走

This is all staged. This is just to get the point across.

我不知道我在說什麼，讓我們開始吧！

I'm not actually taking any of this stuff (lol nice Ryan)

親愛的Ryan，你可以跳過移動中的車嗎？

I don't know what I'm talking about, lets get started!

00:00:16,980 --> 00:00:19,060

Dear Ryan, can you jump over a moving car?

00:00:32,140 --> 00:00:32,880 （謎之音: 不~）

*Intense music plays*

親愛的Ryan，你會跟朋友作冷笑話的忍笑挑戰嗎？

VR00M VROOM VROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM

*dad joke (老爸的冷笑話): 拔拔的笑話通常不好笑卻自認幽默，故有冷笑話一說法

(OH NO LOL)

Ryan：哈哈，我已經輸了，可惡！ 等等，剛那個不算啦，不算...

Dear Ryan, would you do a "You Laugh, You Lose Dad Jokes challenge with the crew?

(*´∀｀）

(This is a dad joke?)

Ryan：你先

Ryan: HA HA-

Paco：嗯

I'm already losing, damn it!

Ryan：我不行啦....才開始我就已經對這遊戲不在行了

Wait that doesn't count, that doesn't count

因為我知道我不能笑。

OML LOL

Ryan：好，現在開始

Ryan: You go first.

Paco：你怎麼稱''一千個爸爸的冷笑話''？

Paco: Mmmm

*Ryan和Greg開始笑*

Ryan: I can't. I suck at this game already.

*標題: 忍笑挑戰~老爸的冷笑話篇*

It's because I know I can't laugh.

*規則: 笑三次就出局*

Ryan: Alright starting now.

Will: 要怎麼樣才能讓衛生紙跳舞?

Paco: What do you call a thousand dad jokes?

Sean: 我不知道。要怎麼弄阿？

*Ryan and Greg starts laughing*

Will: 放一點鼻屎進去 (*boggie: 雙關，也有隨著音樂跳舞的意思)

Will: How do you make a Kleenex Dance? Sean: I don't know. How?

*Ryan偷笑*

Will: What?

Sean: 要怎麼稱呼有自己拍入監照片的犯人?

*Will laughs*

Will：是什麼？

Greg: No idea.

Sean: 自拍 (selfies) (*cell: 諧音，指單人牢房)

*Greg and Sean laughs*

Shawn: 要怎麼叫一個長了耳朵的引擎?

*Derrick Shrugs*

Greg: 不知道。

Derrick: Nice..

Sean: 工程師 (*engine: 也有引擎的意思 engine-er: 聽起來像是engine+ear )

Daina: What does he say?

*Ryan偷笑*（≧ｙ≦＊）

Derrick: Oh.

* Greg 和 Sean 同時笑*(≧∀≦)

Paco: No.

Daina: 要怎麼稱呼有著褐色皮膚的 一隻性感的雞和一隻性感的牛? (翻譯: 雞與牛???)

(LMAO GREG'S FART SOUNDS LIKE A FLY)

*Derrick聳聳肩*

Paco: You can't do that!

Daina: 棕色的雞和棕色的牛~♪ (*諧音: bow chicka wow wow )

Ryan: You just lost!

*bow chicka wow wow: 啪啪啪的意思 wow wow 指叫床聲，chicka小妞 bow就是低頭前戲...後面自行想像(/ε＼*)

Paco: He can't do that!

Derrick: 不錯..

Ryan: That's part of the joke.

Derrick: 你的狗想要在上大號的時候想有點隱私 那牠會跟你說什麼?

(Paco and Greg laughs)

Daina: 牠會說什麼？

Ryan: Man I suck at this game..

Derrick: 把我綁好 (*leash: 綁、拴住。因為常有人放置寵物讓他任意大小便最後導致寵物走失。故有leash me alone一說， 指主人既使放置也不要忘記要看管好自己的寵物)

I laughed at EVERY single one, off camera.

*Derrick自己笑*

And it's not even funny. I don't even think it's funny.

Ryan: Derrick，你剛笑了:D

Ryan: What?

Derrick: 噢... :(

*Ryan begins laughing*

Greg: 你有看過那部關於便祕的電影嗎?

Paco: WHAT?!

Paco: 沒有

Ryan: Wait, let me try one more, one more. Go again, go again.

Greg: 那可能是因為他還沒有''出來''

*Ryan starts laughing again*

*Greg模仿上廁所便祕的聲音*

Paco: What?

Paco: 你不能這樣啦！

*Paco laughs while Will facepalms*

Ryan: Paco你輸了！

Ryan: Okayy..

Paco: 他怎麼可以這樣啦！

Why.. don't- uhh ha ha, wait.. scratch that.

Ryan: 那是他笑話的一部分啊

Start over.

*Paco 和 Greg 都笑場*

Why don't.. *chuckles* wait hold on,

Ryan: 矮油~我真的很不擅長這個遊戲啦..

One more.

Ryan: 我聽到的每一個都笑

Derrick: Cause they suck her blood?

Ryan: 而且它甚至不有趣。我根本不認為他很有趣

Ryan: What?

Derrick: 你出生的時候說的第一句話是什麼?

(When no one laughs at your joke)

Ryan: 是什麼？

*Ryan begins laughing*

*Derrick模仿小北鼻哭泣聲* Higa(比嘉) 剛好是Ryan的姓

Derrick: Yeah.

*Ryan開始笑 (*>艸

(RYAN LOSES THE CHALLENGE)

Paco: 什麼啦？

Dear Ryan, can you brush your teeth and then drink orange juice?

Ryan: 等等，再讓我試一次啦、再一次 再來，再來。

Ryan: Why- I don't understand why people always send me this

Derrick: Rode是從澳洲來的，所以...

and I know this is a challenge from like a while back.

*Ryan又開始笑 (≧艸≦*)

I should know this but I honestly have no idea

*眾人開始笑*

what this challenge is and I'm not letting any of the guys tell me.

Will: 你對爸爸的帽子開玩笑了以後，會發出什麼聲音?

I really don't know what's gonna happen

Paco: 什麼聲音？

And I didn't look it up, I promise.

♫ 爸帽ㄑㄩㄝ ♫ ♫ Dad Hat Tsh ♫

So this is a hundred percent genuine reaction.

*模仿打擊搖滾樂隊銅鈸的聲音*

I guess let's try it?

*Ryan又偷笑*（≧ｙ≦＊）

*Ryan brushing his teeth*

Greg: Ryan，走開啦!

Ryan: Alright I finished brushing my teeth and umm..

* Paco 和 Will 都忍不住笑出聲 *

I guess I'm just gonna try it.

Ryan: 好喔 ..

Why are you smiling like have you-

Ryan: 為什麼..沒有 - 呃有 等..從頭開始

Greg: Your teeth turns yellow.

Ryan: 重來一次

Ryan: Is that what it does?!

Ryan: 為什麼不.. *笑*（＞ｙ＜） 等等，等一下啦

Greg: Permanent yellow..

Ryan: 再一次。

Ryan: Wait, wait- I'm not gonna do that!

Ryan: 為什麼吸血鬼不會攻擊 泰勒·斯威夫特 (Taylor Swift) ?

Derrick: Permanent orange

Derrick: 因為他們吸她的血？

Sean: You could whiten it.

Ryan: 因為她有壞到底的血 (*Bad Blood 壞到底: Taylor Swift排行榜上有名的歌曲之一)

Ryan: Ready?

Derrick: 如果 Ryan Higa 是女性主義者 那他會在影片的最後面說什麼?

Derrick: Awww..

Ryan: 說什麼？

Sean: How is it?

Derrick: Tee-She(Tee-她) (Ryan影片結尾都是Tee-hee Tee-他)

Aw, does it taste gross?

Ryan: 為什麼雞要過馬路?

Will: Oh, he's gonna throw up.

Ryan: 置入性行銷 (雞過馬路這個笑話並沒有任何特別的意義)

Sean: Eww..

*當沒有人笑你的笑話*(´･ω･`)

Will: Ugh!

Derrick: 如果 Ryan Higa 是女性主義者 那他會在他其它影片的結尾說什麼?

Sean: Is it that bad?

*Ryan忍不住笑了(*´∀｀）

Ryan: Oh dude..

Ryan: Higa-TeeShe (*Ryan的副頻道結尾都會說 Higa-TV，同為諧音梗)

(That face)

Derrick: 對阿

Ryan: No it's not bad at all.

*Ryan被三振出局(*≧∀≦*)

*Everyone laughs*

親愛的Ryan，你可以刷牙然後喝柳橙汁嗎？

Ryan: How is this even a challenge?

為什麼 - 我不懂為什麼人們總是傳給我這個 我知道這就像是前陣子的一個挑戰。

Like what-

我應該要知道這個的，但我真的完全不知道 這個挑戰是什麼，我不會讓其他人先告訴我。

Like what is supposed to happen from drinking this after you-

我真的不知道會發生什麼，我沒有事先查看它。 我答應你們，這將是一個百分之百的真實反應。

*Everyone's in shock*

那我們來試試吧？

Dear Ryan, can you do if children songs were realistic?

*Ryan刷牙*

Ryan: I've always wanted to be children's song writer.

Ryan: 好了，我刷完了牙....

It must be like one of the easiest jobs in the world..

Ryan: 我想我就直接來嘗試它吧

You gotta be like a doctor to write 'Cat in the Hat'

Ryan: 你為什麼在笑啦...

I'd always believe that you should be honest with kids

Greg: 你的牙齒會變成黃色

If I have a kid and he asked me where do babies come from,

Ryan: 那就是它的效果？

I'm not gonna lie to him.

Greg: 永遠的黃色..

And that's how you should be with kids, you make them smarter.

Ryan: 等等，等一下啦 我才不要那樣做！

Daina: Okay boys and girls!

Derrick: 永遠的橙橙色~~

Now lets give our guest performer a nice, warm welcome!

Sean: 你還是可以刷白的啦

*Clapping*

Ryan: 準備好...

Ryan: Hey kids! Umm..

Derrick: 噢..

First question,

Sean: 感覺怎麼樣？

Do any of you know how to play the guitar?

Sean: 味道嘗起來很噁心嗎？

No? Okay then, we're just gonna use this.

Will: 他要吐了

♫ The wheels on the bus go round and round ♫

Sean: 好噁心..

♫ The wheels on the bus should change lanes now ♫

Will: 矮額~

(Such an inspirational song)

Sean: 非常不好嗎？

Thank you.

Ryan: 哦，老兄..

To the kid who finally started it.

*那表情( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Next song

Ryan: 不，其實一點也不噁心

♫ Old MacDonald had a cow ♫

*大家笑*

♫ There's a reason I said "had" ♫

Ryan: 這是怎麼會是一個挑戰啊？ 喝完橙汁應該會發生什麼嗎?

Because they ATE him!

*每個人都被嚇到了*⊂（゜Д゜⊂

Daina: Okay, maybe let's try the next song?

親愛的Ryan，可以做如果兒童歌曲是真實的嗎？

Ryan: ♫ Twinkle twinkle ball of gas ♫

我一直想成為孩子們的歌曲作家。

♫ Thousands of light-years far away ♫

一定是在世界上最容易的工作之一..

♫ So when you wish upon a ball of gas ♫

你必須至少像個醫生才能寫 “魔法靈貓” (*Cat in the Hat作者為一名醫生 後拍為電視劇，成為邪典的次文化之一)

♫ The gases from your a- ♫

我一直覺得你應該對孩子誠實

Okay

如果我有一個孩子 他問我在哪裡嬰兒來自哪裡，我才不會騙他咧

I think that's enough for today,

這就是你應該與孩子相處的模式，你讓他們變得更聰明

We don't use that kind of language in here do we ki-?

Daina: 好，男孩和女孩們！ 現在讓我們給我們客人的表演一個好的、熱烈的歡迎！

Oh no no no, I was just gonna say ass,

*拍手*（・∀・）

Like equivalent to the gases from your ass, not

Ryan: 嘿，孩子們！嗯..

Cut me off that fu**ing bi***

第一個問題，你們有任何人知道如何彈吉他嗎？沒有？ 那好吧，我們就用這個

*clapping*

♫ 巴士的輪子轉啊轉 ♫

Thank you

♫ 讓路上交通都變得很緩慢 ♫

Dear Ryan, can you kiss Sean?

♫ 使的後方來車都很不滿 ♫

Wait, what?

♫ 公車上的輪子現在應該改變車道 ♫

I never screenshotted that Dear Ryan, did you?

♫ GTF...OUT!! ♫ (get the f*ck out)

Oh yeah, um someone just keeps sending

（非常勵志的歌曲）´・ω・｀

These over and over I mean just look at it

謝謝......尤其是最後那個終於拍手的孩子..下一首歌~

I thought you could just tell them that it's not gonna happen.

♫ 老麥克唐納曾有一頭牛 ♫ (* MacDonald這邊暗指麥當勞、金拱門 原曲為王老先生有塊地 )

Oh right. Um, yeah sure, sure.

♫ 他是基改牛~ ♫ (GMO'd: Genetically Modified Organisms in food )

I'm serious. People keep spamming it

♫ 拿一塊這邊的作沙朗，另一塊這邊的作肋眼 ♫

You can just like look at my screen right now.

♫ 肋眼作牛扒，前胸肉作牛腩，還有醃製的肋條 ♫

Yeah uh right. Uh...

♫ 老麥克唐納曾有一頭牛 ♫

You know what? I think I have to go...

♫ 我說曾有是有理由的 ♫

Sean: Are-Are you serious?

因為他們吃了他！

Ryan, you know that I'm not gay

Daina: 好吧，也許能讓我們聽下一首歌吧？

Ryan: I know I know I'm just- Sean: I have a girlfriend.

♫ 一閃一閃亮晶晶的球狀氣體 ♫ (*星星就是一球的發光氣體和灰塵)

Sean: We've been friends for over ten years!

♫ 氫氣、氦氣還有其他元素 ♫

Ryan: It's- it's something completely unrelated. Sean: Come on! Do you not believe me?

♫ 距離數千光年遠 ♫

Are you serious?!

♫ 你所看到的都是過去的光 ♫

That is one big closet

♫ 所以那些星星現在都已經死掉了 ♫

Dear Ryan, can you write a Dear Ryan to yourself?

♫ 所以當你在對一球氣體許願的時候 ♫

That should be good

♫ 那就相當於對..... 許願 ♫

Ehh, maybe 20 30 more

♫ 那些從ㄆ....的氣體 ♫

Dear Ryan, do a parody of Stephen King's 'IT'

Daina: 好唷!! 我想今天這樣就夠了 我們在這裡不使用髒話，對吧孩子們-？

I don't know if you guys ever saw the first one, but

Ryan: 哦，不，不，不，我只是會說的屁股 就像從氣體從你的屁股，不是...

I remember watching it when I was a little kid

Ryan: 居然打斷我，真是該*的*子

and I was terrified of it

謝謝 ༼ ◉ᗜ◉༽┌∩┐

and when I was watching the new "IT" movie

親愛的Ryan，你可以親 Sean 嗎？

The sequel, the 2017 version,

等等，什麼？我從來沒有截圖這個Dear Ryan的問題啊？是你做的嗎？

I kind of thought to myself "This movie doesn't really work anymore."

噢，對阿...有人不斷的發送這個

*Child laughing*

已經發好多遍了。我就想說，你看其實只要你跟他們說 這是不可能會發生的事不就好了?

No!

喔對阿。對沒錯，恩恩

Ah!

我是認真的。大家總是亂發這個，你可以... 像是看看我現在的螢幕(多乾淨)

Hiya Georgie,

額是啊。你知道嗎？我想我得走了..

what a nice boat.

Sean: 真的嗎？Ryan你知道我不是甲甲吧 Ryan: 我知道我知道，我只是- Sean: 我還有個女朋友而且我跟你是超過十年的朋友了！

Do you want it back?

Ryan: 這、這跟現在我離開完全無關啦 Sean: 不要這樣啦！你不相信我嗎？

What are you doing in the sewer?

真的假的啦？！

Oh well a storm blew me, away?

這真是個很大的櫃子啊 (*come out of the closet: 公開出櫃)

Blew the whole circus away.

親愛的 Ryan,，你可以寫一個Dear Ryan給自己嗎？

-Can you smell the circus, Georgie? -Um...

這樣應該不錯

There's peanuts,

留言: 親愛的Ryan，你可以親 Sean 嗎？

cotton candy, hot dogs and...

唔恩，以許應該再多發20~30個以上好了

coffee?

親愛的Ryan，可以模仿史蒂芬金的《牠 /小丑回魂》嗎?

no... steak?

我不知道你們有沒有看過1990年的舊版本 但我還記得當我還是一個小孩子有看過

no, no...

我非常害怕，但當我在看2017新續集電影版本的“牠” (*1990年的牠實際上是迷你電視劇，並非電影)

It's a circus, It's a f*cking circus, Georgie.

我心裡想: ( 對我來說 ) 這部電影 並沒有真的像以前那麼恐怖了

-Popcorn? -Popcorn!

*小孩子Ryan在笑*

-Is that your favorite? -Yeah!

不！

Mine too! Cause they go pop pop pop!

啊♂!

*Child laughs*

你好啊 Georgie，你真是有個好紙船啊

I think I should leave now...

小丑: 你想要拿回去嗎？ Georgie: 你在下水道做什麼？ 小丑: 哦~颱風把我吹走了

Ooh, without your boat?

小丑: 把整個馬戲團都吹走了 Georgie 你能聞到馬戲團的味道嗎？有花生...

Take it.

棉花糖，熱狗和...

Take it.

咖啡？

No, that's okay I have a Xbox

沒有... 牛排？

Oh

不，不...

O.O

是馬戲團，他*的馬戲團 爆米花？爆米花！

So leave your questions in the comments below,

那是你的最愛？ 是啊！

and you could be responsible for the next video.

我也是！ 因為他們會彈來彈去砰砰砰砰的爆！

Ryan: Oh that hurt.

*兒童Ryan笑*

Paco: What?

我想我現在該離開了......

*laughs*

哦？不拿回你的紙船嗎？

Old MacDonald had a cow...

拿去。

I forgot the end

拿去。

*Ryan laughs* Dammit!

不，沒關係反正我有一台Xbox

*Everyone laughs*

噢...(´･ω･`)

Cotton candy

(゜Д゜*)

Hot dogs...

所以在下方的評論留下你的問題 可能下次會抽到你的問題唷~

Hahahaha

00:08:55,800 --> 00:08:56,300

*laughs* Hmmmmmm...

00:09:23,370 --> 00:09:26,989

pop...

00:09:29,580 --> 00:09:36,169

pop pop pop pop pop pop...

AHHHHHHHH

Oh!

Well I'm Japanese Pennywise,

Also known as Yenwise (Ha Ha get it)

The Japanese clown..