You just haven't been on the show.

妳只是沒上過我的節目

Yes.

沒錯

Can you explain to people?

妳可以跟大家解釋一下嗎？

Because I'd rather hear your version.

因為我比較想聽妳的版本

[LAUGHTER]

(笑聲)

I've never heard your version of the story.

我還沒聽你講過這個故事

But tell people how we know each other.

告訴大家我們怎麼認識的

How we met.

我們怎麼認識的

[LAUGHTER]

(笑聲)

I'm scared, because my husband's gonna kill me for telling this story.

我有點害怕，如果我說了這個故事，我老公一定會想殺了我

But it's my favorite story ever.

但這是我最喜歡的故事

And it's the story of how Ellen and I met.

關於我跟 Ellen 如何認識的故事

So Tom and I, my husband, were on our honeymoon,

我和我的老公 Tom 正在度被我們延期的蜜月

which we delayed because we shot "I, Tonya" at the beginning of the year and last year.

因為去年跟今年初我們在拍攝「老娘叫譚雅」

And we had just gotten married, but we had to put off the honeymoon part.

我們那時候才剛結婚，但必須把蜜月延期

And so we go to Tahiti.

我們去了大溪地

And we go on to this island where you kind of live like Robinson Crusoe.

在島上大家都像魯濱遜漂流記裡一樣生活著

Like, there's just, like, a shack that you stay in.

妳只能住在一個簡陋的小屋

And there's no electricity.

也沒有任何電

And there's no mirrors or anything like that.

也沒有鏡子或任何像鏡子的東西

So we'd been there for four days.

我們總共在那待了四天

And then the last bit of the honeymoon

最蜜月的最後部分

was like a really nice hotel, like a really luxury--it was lovely.

我們住進高級、奢華的飯店，非常愉快的時光

And so we get there, but it's raining.

我們到的時候外面正下著雨

And we're like, oh--we, by the way, look disgusting.

順便一提，我們那時候看起來很狼狽

Because we haven't seen our own reflections in four days.

因為我們已經四天沒照鏡子了

And so we don't know what we look... -By the way, they did not.

所以我們不知道我們... -順便一提，他們一點也不狼狽

[LAUGHTER]

(笑聲)

But like, oh, what can we do here when it's raining?

下雨的時候能幹嘛？

And they're like, oh, you know, there's a lovely spa.

他們告訴我這裡有一個很棒的 spa

Or there's the gym.

和健身房

And we're like, oh, I don't really want to work out.

我一點也不想健身

But I guess we could do something at the gym.

但起碼能在健身房做些事

And so we get changed to go to the gym.

然後我們就換衣服準備要去健身房

And Tom puts in these shorts that are, like, his oldest gym shorts.

Tom 穿上了一件像是骨董級的短褲

And they're tiny.

而且非常小件

And they're really short.

又超級短

And there's nothing underneath, so they're-- you know,

裡面又什麼都沒穿

he gets on his bicycle to ride there.

他騎上腳踏車準備出發

And I was like, whoa.

我說：「哇嗚」

[LAUGHTER]

(笑聲)

[LAUGHTER]

(笑聲)

I was like, babe.

我說：「寶貝」

I was like, you cannot wear those shorts.

你不能穿這件短褲

They're, like, you know--I can see everything.

這件褲子... 幾乎什麼都擋不住

And he was like, oh, come on.

他說：「拜託」

Who are we going to run into?

在這邊還能碰到誰?

I mean--

你們懂的

[LAUGHTER]

(笑聲)

--who's gonna be here?

誰會跑來這?

And I was like, you're right.

然後我就說：「有道理」

I mean, we'd just been on an island where no one else was for so long.

我們來了一個很久沒人前往的島嶼

So I was like, yeah, you're right.

所以我說：「你說的沒錯」

I mean, who are we going to see?

我還能碰到誰?

And so we walk into the gym.

我們一走進健身房

And running on a treadmill is Ellen.

在跑步機上的就是 Ellen

[LAUGHTER]

(笑聲)

And--

而且

And then on the treadmill next to her is Portia, her wife.

旁邊那台跑步機是 Allen 的老婆 Portia

So Ellen looks over, and she was like--

Ellen 看了我一眼

Wait, and then -Hey.

等一下，然後... -嘿

No, no, no.

不不不

All right, go ahead.

好吧，妳繼續

[LAUGHTER]

(笑聲)

That's not even the best bit.

這還不是最精彩的

But already, Tom and I are like, oh my god.

但 Tom 跟我已經快受不了

[LAUGHTER]

(笑聲)

And Tom's face has just gone white.

Tom 的臉已經白了一半

And you're like, hi, hi.

然後妳就說：「嗨、嗨」

And I was like, oh my gosh. Ellen, so lovely to meet you.

我就說：「天啊，Ellen，很開心見到妳」

And you're like, this is my wife Portia.

妳就跟我介紹，這是我的老婆 Portia

I was like, lovely to meet you, Portia.

我說，Portia 很開心認識妳

I was already starstruck.

我已經變小迷妹了

And then you're like, have you met Obama?

然後妳說，妳見過歐巴馬了嗎？

And we were like....what?

然後我們就... 什麼？

And standing next to them is former President Barack Obama.

站在他旁邊的就是前總統巴拉克·歐巴馬

[APPLAUSE]

(掌聲)

I'm not kidding.

我沒在開玩笑

I'm not kidding-- in a gym that is tiny.

沒開玩笑，在一間小小的健身房裡

-Yeah, the gym was the size of this stage. -Like even smaller.

-那間健身房就跟這個舞台差不多大 -甚至更小

It was a very confined space.

非常狹小的空間

And we then had to do this whole-- -Oh my god.

但我們要做... -我的天

We had to do this whole class, like this stretching class.

我們要上整堂伸展課

But Tom, meanwhile, is trying to not reveal anything.

Tom 這時候正在想辦法不讓春光外洩

[LAUGHTER]

(笑聲)

And he's dying.

他快掛了

And I'm crying so much, I'm about to crack a rib.

我都快把我的肋骨給笑斷了

And literally, this gym instructor keeps saying to Tom, Tom, lunge.

不誇張，那位健身教練還一直對 Tom 說：Tom 箭步蹲

Lounge, you're not lunging.

箭步蹲，你那不是箭步蹲

[LAUGHTER]

(笑聲)

And Tom's like trying to lunge cross-legged.

Tom 正努力試著雙腿交叉的箭步蹲

And Obama is stepping over his legs to put his weights back.

歐巴馬在旁邊認真伸展他的雙腿

And like the whole thing was so absurd.

這整件事真的太荒謬了

It was... -It was hilarious.

真的是... -真的很好笑

I mean, when she says short-shorts, they were--

他說的超短短褲，其實是...

I'm not exaggerating.

我沒在誇張

They were to here--

褲管只到這裡

[APPLAUSE]

(掌聲)

--and wide.

這麼寬鬆

Like, they very wide.

真的超級寬

On a bicycle--

在腳踏車上...

When he was lunging, we're like--

當他在做箭步蹲的時候，我們就像這樣...

[LAUGHTER]

(笑聲)

And then at the end... -And then he was on the ground at one point, and like stretching.

在最後... -然後有個動作是像這樣躺在地板伸展

[LAUGHTER]

(笑聲)

And this part, we're like, oh my god.

看到這塊的時候，我們心裡想：「天啊」

[LAUGHTER]

(笑聲)

We literally got to the end of the class.

我們還真的上完了整堂課

And we're doing a last stretch, which was legs out like this.

我們做了很多需要張開腿的伸展動作

[LAUGHTER]

(笑聲)

And Tom's now got a towel on his crotch... -Yeah.

Tom 在他的跨下放了條毛巾 -沒錯

--trying to be modest.

想裝沒事

And his face just says it all.

但他的臉已經出賣他了

He's like, I'm going to kill myself.

看起來就像在對自己說：「我好想死」

This is the worst day of my life.

這是我人生最慘的一天

And Ellen looks over and goes, boy, those were the wrong shorts to wear today.

然後 Ellen 轉過頭來說：「兄弟，你今天不該穿這件短褲的」

[LAUGHTER]

(笑聲)

Oh my god, it was hilarious.

那真的超爆笑

And then, like two days later... -Way to break the ice.

然後兩天後... -化解尷尬的一種方法

--we get laundry.

我們要去拿洗好的衣服時

And I start looking through.

我快速的檢查了一下

I was like, this is the wrong,

我心想：「拿錯了吧」

it's a small, there's only like 10 cabins.

這裡不大，差不多才 10 間小木屋而已

Yeah, it's tiny.

真的很小

And I was like, this is not our laundry.

這不是我們的衣服

And then I come across pink shorts.

然後我看到粉紅色的短褲

And I was like, oh, I know whose this is.

我心想：「我知道是誰的了」

[LAUGHTER]

(笑聲)

I got Tom's shorts.

我拿到 Tom 的短褲

No, I know where these go.

我認得它

[LAUGHTER]

(笑聲)

Oh, my god. I can't handle it.

天啊，我快受不了了

But I mean, so Obama was...so he was there.

歐巴馬那時候剛好也在

He happened to be there writing his book.

他在那寫他的書

And so we were working out with him every day.

我們每天都和他一起健身

And when you walked in and he's in those shorts,

當你一走進去就看到 Tom 的超短短褲

I was like, oh, my god.

我心想：「哦買尬」

This is gonna be hilarious.

等下一定會很爆笑

[LAUGHTER]

(笑聲)

It was honestly one of the funniest things that's ever happened.

這真的是我遇過最好笑的事

But he's a huge fan of yours, Obama.

歐巴馬其實是妳的鐵粉

I didn't even-- I obviously assumed that he would have no idea who I was.

我根本...我以為他完全不知道我是誰

But when I walked in, you were like, oh, do you know Obama?

我一走進去妳說：「妳認識歐巴馬嗎？」

I was like, no.

我說：「不認識」

I was like, hello, sir.

我說：「您好」

I don't know what to call you.

我不知道怎麼稱呼您

And he was like, hello, yeah.

然後他說：「妳好」

And he goes, you're a very talented actress.

他繼續對我說：「妳是個非常有才華的演員」

And I was like, oh my god, Obama knows who I am.

我心想：「天啊，歐巴馬竟然知道我是誰」

And he's like, we were just talking about you the other night.

然後他說：「我們前幾天才剛聊到妳」

-I was like, you were? What? You were? -Yeah.

-我說：「真的嗎？什麼？真的嗎？」-沒錯

That's crazy.

太瘋狂了

No, he's up on. He's he knows what's going on.

他知道現在流行的東西

Yeah, he's up with it.

他有跟上流行

So I got you and Tom a gift.

我準備了禮物給妳跟 Tom

I didn't know if he'd be here today.

我不知道他今天會不會來

No.

他沒來

But just so it doesn't happen again--

為了不要再發生這種糗事

[LAUGHTER]

(笑聲)

[APPLAUSE]

(掌聲)

And there's--

而且這裡有

[APPLAUSE]

(掌聲)

Oh my god.

天啊

There's some mesh in here--

裡面有內搭網狀褲

[LAUGHTER]

(笑聲)

--to hold it all together.

把該包住的東西包起來

Thank you.

謝謝

You're welcome.

不客氣

Hi, I'm Andy.

嗨，我是 Andy

Ellen asked me to remind you to subscribe to her channel

Ellen 要我提醒妳們記得訂閱他的頻道

so you can see more awesome videos,

才可以看更多很棒的影片

like videos of me getting scared or saying embarrassing things,

像是一些我被嚇或聊些尷尬話題的影片

like ball-peen hammer, and also some videos of Ellen and other celebrities--

像是圓頭錘，還有一些 Ellen 和其他名人的影片

if you're into that sort of thing.

如果你對這些內容有興趣

[SCREAM]

(尖叫聲)

[BLEEP]

(嗶)

[MUSIC PLAYING]

(背景音樂)

God [BLEEP].

天啊 (嗶)