字幕列表 影片播放 列印英文字幕 FEMALE SPEAKER: Hello. I am delighted to have Laura Heck here with us today. Laura is a licensed marriage and family therapist in private practice. She recently served in a leadership role at the Gottman Institute as the Director of Professional Development. Together with the Gottman Institute clinical director, Laura co-developed the Gottman Seven Principles Program and is also the author of the "Seven Principles Companion Workbook," a tool for couples to use in conjunction with the "Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work" book by Dr. John Gottman. Laura is a master trainer for the program which has trained thousands of people to offer the Seven Principles Program in their communities across six continents. Laura resides in Salt Lake City with her beloved and very patient husband. And they have a one-year-old son. Welcome, Laura. LAURA HECK: Thank you. So what Alison didn't say is that I'm also the godmother to her child. So we know each other very well. She is my BFF. So I'm here. I've given, sort of, about an hour. And what I'd really like to do is just share with you the CliffNotes version of the "Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work." I'm just curious, by kind of a show of hands or a nod or a wink, how many of you have either heard of Dr. John Gottman or are familiar with the "Seven Principles" book? OK. How many of you have actually seen him live, seen him present live? OK. I am not going to be as charismatic or funny or brilliant as John Gottman, but I will certainly try to give you as much information in as short a period of time as possible. So as Alison had mentioned, the reason why I'm here and speaking on the Seven Principles is that I have had the pleasure of co-developing the Seven Principles Program, which is really a training program for training professionals all around the world to work with couples using this as their main criteria, their main curriculum. And so I know the Seven Principles inside and out. And I just taught the class yesterday here in Seattle, Washington. And I think the next place I go is Chicago. And then it just kind of continues on from there. As far as questions, I think maybe what would be helpful is if you have a question about something that we're covering, if I notice, just as far as time goes, that I have some time to take some questions, I'll ask for you to come up to the mic. And I might be able to take a few. And if I don't get to it, hold on to your questions. Hopefully you can remember it. And then I'm hoping that we can cover all of them. OK? OK. So this book has actually been in print since 1999. And it just recently rolled over the $1 million mark. Not million dollars, but 1 million copies sold. And there was a rewrite that was done on this just one year ago. And it has been translated into 20 different languages. The reason why this book is so important is that Dr. Gottman has been studying couples for 40 years. He's studied over 3,000 couples. And over those 40 years, he has been able to distill down as much information as possible into seven principles which I'm hoping I'm able to get through all seven for you so that you can go home in whatever relationship you have, and you can begin to apply some of these principles for making relationships work. The nice part about Dr. Gottman's principles is that it's not just about intimate relationships, although those are the ones that he was studying. You can directly apply a lot of these principles to coworker relationships, to the relationships with your children, to the relationships with your parents. Any relationship that you have. Because it's really about how to communicate in a way that is truly hearing your partner. It's about being able to work through problem-solving and how to have a meaningful connection with another person. OK. So what I'd like to start out by doing is to just give you a brief synopsis as far as Dr. Gottman's research and how he came to come about all of this information. So Dr. Gottman originally started out as a mathematics major at MIT. And he was actually young when he started. But he had a roommate. And this roommate was studying psychology. And I don't know how many of you enjoy psychology, but John was looking at his math books and had decided that whatever his roommate was studying was more fun than what he was studying, which I don't blame. So he promptly finished up his mathematics degree and then went in to become a psychologist. So not only does he have this firm foundation in numbers, he became a researcher, but he also has this firm foundation in psychology. So we have this amazing combination in this math wizard that was interested in relationships but could also study really, really well and definitively defining what it is that relationships, makes them work. So Dr. Gottman went from MIT, and then he went over to the University of Indiana. And he started working with his best friend, Bob Levinson. So Dr. Gottman says at the time that his relationships were not going so hot at the time. And Bob Levinson and him were interested in good relationships with women. But at the time, Bob said, we can either research good relationships or we can have them. And right now, we're researchers. So the two of them set out to discover in, I think he would say somewhat of a selfish way, what is it that makes good relationships work. And they wanted to study relationships in a way that had never been done before. It's very difficult to predict behavior in one person. But Dr. Gottman wanted to predict behavior with two people. So they would bring couples in to a laboratory setting and within eight hours of the couple being apart, he would have the two of them sit side by side. And they would hook them up to monitors that would study how fast their hearts were beating at the time. They would see how much they were sweating by testing the palms of their hands. They had monitors underneath the chairs that would measure how much they would fidget. They were called jiggle-ometers. And then he would just ask for these couples, I simply want for you to just catch up. Tell me about your day. What have you been doing? So couples would turn to one another and they would start talking about sort of the mundane things about their day. Meanwhile, researchers were coding their facial expressions. They had cameras that were recording them. And back in the day, in the '70s, how large was the computer back in the '70s, right? Size of a refrigerator. All that computer was intended to do was to take the physiological data that was going on with these couples and timecode it. And then he would ask for couples to switch over. I want you to just choose a topic. Something that the two of you haven't been able to agree upon. And I just want you to try to solve the problem. Have this conflict conversation while we are watching you. So couples start to pick a problem. Maybe they're talking about the mother-in-law, maybe they're talking about laundry. What are things that get underneath your skin? And they recorded the data. So they had these two snippets of time. Happy conversation, not so happy conversation. Then they sent the couples away.