Since 2002, we've had six movies, two reboots, and three Spider-Men

從2002開始

Now just when audiences might be getting a little sick of the franchise, Marvel swoops in to deliver a crowd-pleasing comedy

我們有6部電影和2個重啟

That's gonna keep Spider-Man in theaters until the fuckin Sun burns out of the sky.

和3個蜘蛛俠

Spider-Man Homecoming

現在 當觀眾開這始對系列感到厭倦

Tobey Maguire couldn't keep it up, Andrew Garfield couldn't get it started

漫威出手帶來一部深受觀眾歡迎的喜劇

But Tom Holland hits the ground swinging in a great reboot that just assumes you're all caught up on the MCU.

讓蜘蛛俠繼續在電影圈打滾

Pretty sure this guy's a war criminal now.

直到太陽燒盡為止

but whatever. Complete with a glossed over origin story an

蜘蛛俠：返校日

Actor who doesn't have premature old face and a villain who doesn't already have some forced personal connection to Peter- Pan Liz's dad

陶比麥奎爾無法讓系列繼續

All right two out of three ain't bad

安德魯加菲無法讓系列開始

Witness a brand new take on spider-man. He's a millennial now who can't stay off his phone

但湯姆荷蘭馬上接手

Constantly blogs watches himself on YouTube and has zero patience for anything

在這部重啟直接假設觀眾都看過所有電影

He's got all of the usual spider skills plus a powerful new one never facing consequences for his actions

我很確定這個人已經成為戰犯

Whether he's getting away with ditching detention

但 隨便吧

Hey where you going? Get back here quitting on his team?

完全跳過起源故事

You can't just quit on a stroll up and be welcome back welcome back Peter

以及沒有一位早熟老臉的演員 和一位與彼得帕克有直接關係的人

mostly imprisoning people

我是莉茲她爸

Shinsuke ours is bad. It's my car, dumbass

好吧 三分之二算不錯了

Wrecking a car wrecking a store

見證蜘蛛俠的全新嘗試

Wrecking a fairy or wrecking his girlfriend's entire life

他現在是y世代小屁孩

You can be sure this web slinger will get off with no more than a stern talking-to

經常都在滑手機

You're a good kid and you're a smart kid so just try to keep your head straight. Okay. Okay, don't get out here

請問以下國家使用的標準單位是

Well the older I get the more I relate to Jay Jonah Jameson. These are matters for the entire city

我可以接電話嗎？很快就好

You've seen him as Batman and Birdman

好

Now prepare for Michael Keaton's third winged creature role as the vulture. He's a blue-collar guy who gets shafted by Stark Industries

常常拍影音日誌 在youtube 上看自己

And instead of filing a lawsuit against a billionaire clearly in the wrong. He'll build a giant bird mech jetpack, huh?

和對凡事毫無耐心

You will be bored stiff when Vulture fights spider-man in bland CGI slugfests

嘿 我們在這

But genuinely scared when he's just being Michael Keaton

37分鐘

Are you scared? I'l bet you're glad that your old pal spider-man showed up in the elevator though

什麼！

Sorry Uncle Ben and Richard Parker

他擁有所有蜘蛛俠的基本技巧

There's a new absentee dad in town Tony Stark Iron Man is back as the drunk rich stepfather

加上一個超強的新能力

You'd expect him to be who will build you a killer robot suit?

從不面對因為他行動所造成的效果

Activating instant kill send you into battle at 15

無論是在留校觀察中溜走

Then literally phone in his parents aid until you screw up enough to get his attention. Okay. It's not working out

嘿 你想去哪 快回來

I'm gonna need the suit back really Tony

丟下的的隊伍

You just fought your best friend over keeping tabs on superheroes

你不可以丟下我們又期待我們歡迎你歸隊

And you just let your pet superhero run a muck is anyone paying attention to the timeline any more?

嘿 歡迎歸隊 彼特

This is approaching x-men levels of Sloppy she sends Bishop back in time. No just his consciousness that's all into his younger self

亂捉無辜市民

Wow

你不應該偷車 這樣不太好

So enjoy another super smash hit who's success was far from guaranteed with two competing studios spotting for control

這是我的車呀 87

Six different screenwriters and a director with just two low-budget indies to his name dang

砸毀別人的車

It's like Sony finally cracked the code on how to make the spider verse happen let Marvel do the work

砸毁別人的店

Starring: Tom Netherlands

砸毁一艘渡船

drunkle Stark

或是毁掉他女友的一生

only winners do drugs

無論你發生什麼事 我都希望你能解決

Chef

你可以肯定這個吐絲英雄想全身而退

The disembodied voice of Jennifer Connelly

只需要嚴肅地說兩句就可以

"you can call me Karen if you would like"

你是個善良又聰明的孩子 所以繼續向前 ok?

Marisa To-may

好 出去吧

vulture or the unexpected virtue of casting Michael Keaton

我想我會越來越想念喬納詹姆森

technically in the movie

他是全城的威脅

Tony ravioli,

我想那個爬牆怪物被抓起來

Mary Pixie Jane girl

你看過他扮演蝙蝠俠和鳥人

Hey there, Martin Starr now.

現在 準備迎接米高基頓第三個有翼生物的角色

Not not your Asian sidekick

就是禿鷹

...And Wonder Woman?

他是個被史塔克企業搞掉的藍領階段

The Perks of Being a Wallcrawler

與其對這位明顯有錯的百萬富翁採取法律行動

Bold move putting a set piece in an elevator shaft spider-man can't catch a break with that

他會打造一個超大的鳥型噴射裝甲

"I like bread"

00:02:33,365 --> 00:02:36,265 你會對蜘蛛俠大戰禿鷹

"beetlejuice beetlejuice beetlejuice!"

這場平淡的CGI互毆感到無聊

"Darkness falls across the land the midnight hour is close at hand!"

但在他共是米高基頓時被嚇到皮皮剉

"I'm David pumpkins. Any questions?"

真是驚險

"Halloween the night he came home"

我敢說 你一定對你的老朋友蜘蛛俠出現在電梯感到高興