Love.

愛

Marriage.

婚姻

Side chicks.

小三

Skinny people.

骨瘦如材的人

Fat people.

胖子

Scientists.

科學家

Who... who pretend they're doing stuff for the camera.

為了上鏡頭而假裝做事情

The world is ready for the next really expensive product.

這個世界已經準備好迎接下一個非常貴的產品

Hi, my name is Steve Trabajo, founder and CEO of Pineapple.

HI 我是鳳梨的創辦人和CEO，Steve Trabajo

Pineapple is like Apple,

鳳梨就像蘋果

It's just a, it's a little crappier, or it's a lot, it's a lot crappier you know, thank you very much.

只是有一點糟糕，或是更糟，謝謝

It's a lot crappier, you know? It's

非常糟糕，你知道的，這...

Ooh.

Oh

We're very excited to announce our new product that you definitely don't need,

我們非常高興能夠宣布一個你絕對用不到的新產品

But we're gonna push it anyway,

但我們必須推行他

Because we like money.

因為我們愛錢

Introducing, for the first time ever,

這是由史以來第一次的介紹

The Pineapple iPhone X.

鳳梨 iphone X

It's amazing ... it's... it's ... I'm about to blow your mind of how crazy

它非常棒.....我將要讓你知道它有多瘋狂

... great ... it's gonna ... everybody's gonna have good time.

...太棒了..這將.....每個人將會有很好的時光

Let's talk about the new features. Thank you very much.

讓我們討論一下它的特色，謝謝

Last one, huh?

最後一杯，嗄?

Ah ahh

噢

Let's...

讓我們...

[burp]

[打嗝]

Let's talk about the new features. Pineapple wireless headphones. Our scientists are working extremely hard

讓我們來討論新的特色，鳳梨無線耳機，我們的科學家非常努力研究

Using state-of-the-art technology to develop wireless headphones.

使用尖端科去去發展無線耳機

They're like the Apple wireless headphones,

它們就像蘋果的無線耳機

But, they don't really they don't really work.

但，他們並不... 並不真的可以用

Maria.

Maria

Apple has Siri. Pineapple has Maria. Maria is like Siri, or she, except

蘋果有 Siri 鳳梨有 Maria。 Maria 就像 Siri ，除了...

She's a little, she's a little crappier. She's got a little bit more attitude. Whatever you need, Maria will do it.

它有點... 有點爛... 也有點個人主義，每當你需要幫助，Maria 會做到

If she's in the mood.

假如她心情好

Hey, Maria.

嘿， Maria

What do you want, Steve?

你需要什麼，Steve?

Can you give me directions to the nearest Starbucks?

可以跟我說最近的星巴克方向在哪嗎?

Just look it up on Google.

去查詢 Google

Are you kidding, like, are you kidding me right now? What do I look like to you?

你在開我玩笑嗎？ 你把我當甚麼？

Relax, calm, calm down, calm down, I'm just asking. I'm asking, can you please help me out?

放鬆，冷靜，冷靜，我只是問問，我問你可以幫我忙嗎?

No way, Jose, you can Google it.

別想，Jose，你可以去 Google

Yo, what's with the attitude, bro?

yo，這什麼態度，老兄?

I don't have attitude... already had coffee today, okay?

我沒有態度，我今天已經喝咖啡了好嗎?

That's not true, that's not, that's not at all true, you're making stuff up, oh shut up!

不對，這完全不對，你根本在瞎掰，給我閉嘴！

Racist Pineapple music.

鳳梨的歧視音樂

Are you ever scrolling through your library...

你曾經瀏覽資料庫...

like, trying to find that perfect song?

想要找個完美個歌曲嗎?

Your problems are over.

你的問題解決了

Introducing our new music detection feature,

我來介紹我們新的音樂偵測功能

Where, as soon as you put the headphones in, it automatically plays the song that's perfect for you based on how you look.

只要你戴上耳機，她會自動播放和你的長相完美匹配的歌曲

[urban music]

[都市音樂]

[pop music]

[流行音樂]

[Latin music]

[拉丁音樂]

Some people call it racist. We call it the future. El futuro.

有些人稱它種族歧視，我們稱它掌握未來的特色

Waterproof case.

防水功能

We've developed insanely advanced technology to make sure that if you have an accident with liquid and your phone,

我們極力的發展先進的技術，以避免你的手機與液體發生問題

Your phone is safe.

你的手機很安全

Baby.

怎麼樣阿

If you purchase the Pineapple iPhone X right now, we will throw in an external battery for free.

假如你現在購買鳳梨 iPhone X，我們會免費附贈外部電池

Blood-lock.

血液鎖

Our newest feature makes it very hard for somebody to unlock your phone.

我們最新的功能讓手機非常難被解鎖

With Blood-lock, you can only unlock your phone using your own blood. All you need is something

只要有血液鎖，你就可以用你的血液解鎖，你只需一樣東西

Just very sharp, like a knife, like this, and then you just, you know, you cut your...

就是非常銳利，像刀，就像這樣，然後就，你知道的... 你割下你的...

Okay, then you take your phone, and you, just...

OK，你拿起你的手機，然後你只要

And it unlocks.

它就解鎖了

I want a safe... I have a vision of making the world a safer place.

我想要個安全..我有個讓世界變得更安全的想法

I hope you rush to stores immediately to buy the new Pineapple iPhone X, because it is

我希望你立即衝去商店買新的鳳梨iPhone X，因為它

Definitely a rip-off.

絕對是個敲詐品

Pineapple.

鳳梨

Think a little crappier.

思考的更糟糕些

But it's er, it's cheaper than Apple, but it is definitely a little crappier. I'm not gonna lie.

它... 比Apple便宜，不過我老實說，它比較垃圾