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  • High ambitions are noble and important, but there can also come a point when they become the sources of terrible trouble and unnecessary panic.

    強烈的企圖心是崇高且重要的,但某種程度上它將成為糟糕的麻煩與不必要的恐慌的來源

  • One way of undercutting our perfectionist impulses was pioneered by a British psychoanalyst called Donald Winnicott in the 1950s.

    其中一種削弱我們「完美主義衝動」的方法,由英國心理分析學者 Donald Winnicott 在 1950 年代所提倡

  • Winnicott specialised in relationships between parents and children.

    Winnicott 專門研究親子關係

  • In his clinical practice, he often met with parents who felt like failures:

    在他的臨床實驗中,他常接觸到那些自認為很失敗的父母:

  • perhaps because their children hadn't got into the best schools,

    可能是因為他們的孩子,並未就讀最好的學校

  • or because there were sometimes arguments around the dinner table or the house wasn't always completely tidy.

    或因為時常在用餐時發生爭吵,亦或是家裡沒有保持整齊

  • Winnicott’s crucial insight was that the parentsagony was coming from a particular place: excessive hope.

    Winnicott 最重要的發現為父母的苦惱來自某個特別之處:對自己的過度期望

  • Their despair was a consequences of a cruel and counterproductive perfectionism.

    他們的絕望感正是殘酷又無效的完美主義所造成的後果

  • So as to help them reduce this, Winnicott developed a charming phrase:

    為了幫助他們減輕這些痛苦,Winnicott 創造了一個迷人的片語:

  • his parents needed to feel that they were "good enough parents",

    他們需要認為自己是「足夠好的父母」,

  • No child, he insisted, needs an ideal parent.

    他堅持沒有孩子需要完美的父母。孩子們只需要一個還不錯、

  • They just need an OK, pretty decent, usually well intentioned, sometimes a bit grumpy but basically reasonable father or mother.

    合適並常抱持善意,偶爾暴躁卻基本上通情達理的父親或母親

  • Winnicott wasn’t saying this because he liked to settle for second-best,

    Winnicott 會這麼說,並不是因為他喜歡退而求其次

  • but because he knew, from first hand, the toll exacted by perfectionismand realised than in order to remain more or less sane (which is a pretty big ambition already),

    而是因為他知道,完美主義所需付出的代價,還有了解到為了保持一定的健康心態 (其實這已是很大的企圖心)

  • we have to learn not to hate ourselves for failing to be what no ordinary human being ever really is anyway.

    我們必須學習不去討厭未能成為不平凡者的自己

  • The concept of "good enough" was invented as an escape from dangerous ideals.

    「足夠好」的概念源於從危險的完美中逃離

  • It began in relation to parenthood, but it can actually be applied across life more generally, especially around work and love.

    它的起源與親子關係有關,但實際上它可以被普遍應用在生活上,尤其是工作與愛情

  • A relationship may begood enougheven while it has many dark moments.

    即使有著很多不美好的時刻,一段男女關係也可能「足夠好」

  • Perhaps at times there’s little sex and a lot of heavy arguments.

    或許有時會產生關於性和其他沉重議題的爭執

  • Maybe there are big areas of loneliness and non-communication.

    也可能彼此間有著寂寞與難以溝通的時候

  • Yet none of this should lead us to feel freakish or unnaturally unlucky.

    但上述這些不該讓我們感到怪異或不幸

  • It can be good enough.

    它可以「足夠好」

  • Similarly, a ‘good enoughjob will be very boring at some points, it won’t perfectly utilise all our merits; we won’t earn a fortune.

    同樣地,「足夠好」的工作有時可能相當無聊,它不會讓我們完全發揮自己的長處;我們也不會從中得到大量財富

  • But we may make some real friends, have times of genuine excitement and finish many days tired but with a sense of true accomplishment.

    但我們或許能交到一些真正的朋友, 擁有真實的興奮感,並在每天下班後感到疲累卻帶有滿滿的成就感

  • It takes a good deal of bravery and skill to keep even a very ordinary life going.

    這需要很大的勇氣與能力來維持平凡的生活

  • To persevere through the challenges of love, work and children is quietly heroic.

    在愛情、工作和孩子的各種挑戰中堅持不懈是種無聲的勇敢

  • We should perhaps more often sometimes step back in order to acknowledge in a non-starry-eyed but very real way that our lives are good enoughand that this is, in itself, already a very grand achievement.

    我們或許應該更常退後一步,以不過分樂觀、卻很實際的角度來承認自己的生活足夠美好──而這本身已經是個相當偉大的成就

  • Did you know that the School of Life is actually a place?

    你知道「The School of Life」其實有實體據點嗎?

  • Ten places in fact, campus' all over the world.

    事實上我們的校園遍布全球十個地方

  • From Melbourne to London, Taipei to Istanbul.

    從墨爾本到倫敦,台北到伊斯坦堡

  • With classes and books and lots more, please click on the link below to explore more.

    如果想獲得更多課程、書籍或其他內容,請點選下方的連結

High ambitions are noble and important, but there can also come a point when they become the sources of terrible trouble and unnecessary panic.

強烈的企圖心是崇高且重要的,但某種程度上它將成為糟糕的麻煩與不必要的恐慌的來源

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B1 中級 中文 英國腔 足夠 完美 父母 主義 愛情 關係

足夠,就已經夠好了 (Good Enough Is Good Enough)

  • 50126 2153
    Hao Wei Chen 發佈於 2018 年 04 月 21 日
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