One way of undercutting our perfectionist impulses was pioneered by a British psychoanalyst called Donald Winnicott in the 1950s.

其中一種削弱我們「完美主義衝動」的方法，由英國心理分析學者 Donald Winnicott 在 1950 年代所提倡。

Winnicott specialised in relationships between parents and children.

Winnicott 專門研究親子關係。

In his clinical practice, he often met with parents who felt like failures:

在他的臨床實驗中，他常接觸到那些自認為很失敗的父母：

perhaps because their children hadn't got into the best schools, or because there were sometimes arguments around the dinner table or the house wasn't always completely tidy.

可能是因為他們的孩子並未就讀最好的學校，或因為時常在用餐時發生爭吵，亦或是家裡沒有保持整齊。

Winnicott’s crucial insight was that the parents’ agony was coming from a particular place: excessive hope.

Winnicott 最重要的發現為，父母的苦惱來自某個特別之處：對自己的過度期望。

Their despair was a consequences of a cruel and counterproductive perfectionism.

他們的絕望感正是殘酷又無效的完美主義所造成的後果。

So as to help them reduce this, Winnicott developed a charming phrase: His parents needed to feel that they were "good enough parents".

為了幫助他們減輕這些痛苦，Winnicott 創造了一個迷人的片語：他們需要認為自己是「足夠好的父母」。

No child, he insisted, needs an ideal parent; they just need an okay, pretty decent, usually well intentioned, sometimes a bit grumpy but basically reasonable father or mother.

他堅持沒有孩子需要完美的父母；孩子們只需要一個還不錯、合適並常抱持善意、偶爾暴躁卻基本上通情達理的父親或母親。

Winnicott wasn’t saying this because he liked to settle for second-best, but because he knew, from first hand, the toll exacted by perfectionism,

Winnicott 會這麼說，並不是因為他喜歡退而求其次，

and realized that in order to remain more or less sane (which is a pretty big ambition already), we have to learn not to hate ourselves for failing to be what no ordinary human being ever really is anyway.

而是因為他知道，完美主義所需付出的代價，還有了解到為了保持一定的健康心態 (其實這已是很大的企圖心)我們必須學習不去討厭未能成為不平凡者的自己。

The concept of "good enough" was invented as an escape from dangerous ideals.

「足夠好」的概念源於從危險的完美中逃離。

It began in relation to parenthood, but it can actually be applied across life more generally, especially around work and love.

它的起源與親子關係有關，但實際上它可以被普遍應用在生活上，尤其是工作與愛情。

A relationship may be "good enough" even while it has many dark moments.

即使有著很多不美好的時刻，一段男女關係也可能「足夠好」。

Perhaps at times there’s little sex and a lot of heavy arguments; maybe there are big areas of loneliness and non-communication.

或許有時會缺乏性生活和發生嚴重爭執；也可能彼此間有著寂寞與難以溝通的時候 。

Yet none of this should lead us to feel freakish or unnaturally unlucky.

但上述這些不該讓我們感到怪異或不幸。

It can be good enough.

它可以「足夠好」。

Similarly, a good enough job will be very boring at some points, it won’t perfectly utilise all our merits; we won’t earn a fortune.

同樣地，「足夠好」的工作有時可能相當無聊，它不會讓我們完全發揮自己的長處，我們也不會從中得到大量財富。

But we may make some real friends, have times of genuine excitement, and finish many days tired but with a sense of true accomplishment.

但我們或許能交到一些真正的朋友、擁有真實的興奮感，並在每天下班後感到疲累卻帶有滿滿的成就感。

It takes a good deal of bravery and skill to keep even a very ordinary life going.

這需要很大的勇氣與能力來維持平凡的生活。

To persevere through the challenges of love, work, and children is quietly heroic.

在愛情、工作和孩子的各種挑戰中堅持不懈是種無聲的勇敢。

We should perhaps more often sometimes step back in order to acknowledge in a non-starry-eyed but very real way that our lives are good enough, and that this is, in itself, already a very grand achievement.

我們或許應該更常退後一步，以不過分樂觀、卻很實際的角度來承認自己的生活足夠美好──而這本身已經是個相當偉大的成就。

Did you know that the School of Life is actually a place?

你知道「The School of Life」其實有實體據點嗎？

Ten places, in fact. Campus is all over the world, from Melbourne to London, Taipei to Istanbul.

事實上我們的校園遍布全球十個地方，從墨爾本到倫敦，台北到伊斯坦堡。

With classes and books and lots more, please click on the link below to explore more.

如果想獲得更多課程、書籍或其他內容，請點選下方的連結。