and you will find your soulmate.

你就會找到你的靈魂伴侶了

#guaranteed.

#安娜保證

Anna Kendrick gives us advice we actually need.

安娜·坎卓克的超中肯人生建議

What should you say to an ex

你該跟你的前任講什麼，

that keeps texting you and stalking you on social media?

如果他一直密你又在社群網路上一直跟蹤你？

You should text your ex:

你應該密你的前任說：

"I set another fire last night, it's starting to make me feel alive.

「我昨天又縱火了，那開始讓我感到活著。」

Oh, sorry, wrong number."

「啊不好意思，傳錯人了。」

I want to travel the world,

我想要旅遊世界各地，

but also I feel like l should start saving my money

但我又覺得我應該要開始存錢

because I'm in my late twenties - what should I do?!

因為我快邁入三十歲了 - 我該怎麼做？！

You should save your money, not buy anything,

你應該把錢存下來，不買任何東西

even necessities like toilet paper.

就連衛生紙等生活必需品也不買

It's a lie, just use leaves from your yard.

那只是個騙局，用你院子裡的葉子就好了

Sit on a pile of money,

坐在一堆錢上面

and die on it and know that you were better.

然後在那上面死去，心裡有著滿滿的優越感

How do you not act awkward around guys you meet for the first time?

如何在第一次見面的男生面前表現得不尷尬？

You should imaging that you are...

你該想像自己是...

You have the spirit of Oprah

你有歐普拉的靈魂

and the face of James Marsden.

和詹姆斯·馬斯登的容貌

Male or female, doesn't matter.

不管男生或女生都可以用這招

You know what I'm saying?

你懂我的意思嗎？

And just project that in your daily life.

把這個想像投射到你的日常生活

What do you say to someone who says they aren't hungry,

如果有人說他們不餓

but then as soon as your plate of fries comes they start eating half of them?

但是你的薯條上桌時又把半盤都吃掉，該對他們說什麼？

Oh, I've lost friends that way before.

喔，我曾因為這樣跟朋友絕交

I don't allow that.

我不允許

I don't stand for that kind of behavior.

我不能忍受這種行為

What's the best way to start a convo

在外面遇到你有興趣的人，想要開始聊天

with someone that you see out and are into?

最好的方法是什麼？

My opening line is usually looking over at them,

我的起手式通常是往他們那邊看過去，

and giving that awkward half smile,

對他們做出那種尷尬的半微笑，

and hoping that they'll come talk to me.

然後希望他們能過來跟我講話

Because the half smile is such that it could be,

因為半微笑有可能在傳達

"Hi, you seem friendly, and I'm bored."

「嗨，你看起來很友善，我正好又覺得無聊」

but also I keep it cool enough that it could be the person right behind them.

但同時又夠冷靜，所以也可能是在對他們背後的那個人微笑

I like to keep my feelings protected.

我喜歡隱藏我的情緒

What should you do when you accidentally send a screenshot of a text exchange

如果把對話的截圖不小心傳給了

to the person you were texting?

正在聊天的人該怎麼辦？

You're in a pickle, my friend!

你真的倒大楣了，我的朋友！

Just say, just start a rumor that there is a glitches on iPhones,

就開始謠傳最近 iPhone 開始出現小故障

or whatever phone you have.

或是你用的那種手機

Create a couple of websites,

架設幾個網站，

log in as a number of people on various forums.

在各大論壇以數個不同的身份登入

saying "Does anybody else have this problem?

詢問「有其他人也有這個問題嗎？」

We should write a letter to Steve Jobs ghost." And that's the only solution I can think of.

「我們應該寫信給賈伯斯的鬼魂。」這是我唯一能想到的解決方法

How do I get my family to stop asking me

我該如何讓家人停止問我

when I'm going to get married and have children?

什麼時候要結婚生小孩？

I think you should say that the reason you're not having a baby

我覺得你可以說你不想生小孩的原因

is that the water wars are coming

是搶奪水資源的戰爭要來了

because the world is gonna end.

因為世界要毀滅了

And that baby will just be food

而那個嬰兒只會成為

for somebody's stronger, well equipped baby.

某個更強大，更武裝良好的嬰兒吃的食物

And that should shut them up.

而這理由應該可以讓他們閉上嘴了