♫ Swiping daddy's card at the club

♫ Tweeting 'bout life being hard ♫

- So, I met a boy.

(record stops)

- What?

- Where?

- When?

- How?

- Who?

- What's his Instagram?

- What, I met a boy.

Where, at a friends house.

When, yesterday.

How, I looked cute.

Who, his name is Divan.

Instagram, I don't know, we just met.

(sighs) Divan_Williams845, 1.5 million followers,

favorite Instagram filter is Aden.

- Okay, and when are you going out?

- Well he asked if I was free tomorrow.

So I was thinking maybe lunch.

- Wait, lunch, what time?

- 12.

- I don't know how I feel about that.

12 is pretty formal.

What about like at two?

- So lunch at two?

- Yeah, I was thinking more like a 2:30.

Like I can't make you for lunch,

but maybe I could pencil you in before dinner.

- Yeah, yeah like a linner.

- Or a dunch.

- Or a lunner.

- Yeah, like a hey I'm like in between meetings right now,

but let's catch a linner.

- Is lunch too serious though?

Because like what if he ends up being really weird?

Maybe just like a quick coffee is better.

- Or maybe hot chocolate, that's cute.

- That is cute.

Or, oh what about like a tea before dinner?

Like a tinner.

- Or a lunchea.

- Okay, but what do I talk about?

I don't know anything about him.

- I've Googled him.

What would you like to know?

- I'm on his LinkedIn.

- Oh my god stop.

- He used to model.

Girl get it.

- You wanna know how old he is?

- No!

Okay fine.

- 24.

- Okay oh my god girl no.

He could babysit you.

- That's only five years.

- When he was 20, you were 15.

- Yeah, but when she's 45, he'll be 50

and that's like nothing.

- What kind of questions do I ask him?

- Okay, what about what's your shoe size?

- Stop.

- He's six feet tall.

- That's too tall.

- Kay if she's, he's right here.

- He's gonna be right here.

- And she be like.

(talking over each other)

- That's not that bad.

- That's not bad.

- That's like that much space.

- Just wear heels, just wear heels.

- Yeah, or stilts.

- Okay I'm freaking out, but what if he's creepy?

- You're right, what if we establish like a safety word

that she could text us if things get really weird?

And then we'll call you with a fake emergency.

- That's a good idea.

- What about, pineapple?

- No, wait what if she's ordering a fruit salad?

- Why would she ever text us about that?

- What if she wants an opinion?

- She is not a child.

She can handle herself.

Anyways, let's get back to how to behave on this date.

- Pineapple is good.

Oh I'm so nervous.

- Girl don't be.

You know we got your back now matter what happens.

- And if he does anything to break your heart,

we'll to Taylor Swift on him.

- Yup, take guitar lessons.

- And piano lessons.

- Write a song.

- Change hair styles.

- Win an award.

- Change hair styles again.

- Roast him in our acceptance speech.

- Enter the woods.

- Get out of the woods.

- Forget to put the blood in the fridge.

- Now we got bad blood.

- Enter a room with an echo.

Now I'm lying on the cold hard ground.

- Trouble, trouble, trouble.

- Oh, thanks girls.

- Honestly, just be yourself.

- Exactly.

Also I just ordered the stilts and they can

only arrive by 5 PM so.

- So should we just go to a dinner?

- Too early for dinner.

Maybe a dessert after lunch?

Oh like a lessert.

- Or a desunch.

- Everyone is sitting on my hair.

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That is a wrap, and zoop.

(upbeat music)