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  • These are my "Bad Mom" confessions.

    這是我「不良媽媽」的自白

  • Yeah.

    是的

  • I mean, there are so many.

    有好多例子可以分享

  • Be vulnerable.

    打開心胸說出來吧

  • There was this one time my son was crying so hard

    有一次我兒子大哭不停

  • and I didn't know what was the matter--

    而我卻不知道發生什麼事--

  • I didn't know what was the problem.

    我不知道問題出在哪裡

  • I was looking at all of his digits.

    我檢查他的手指腳趾

  • And I had no idea.

    完全沒有頭緒

  • I was like, is he fed.

    我想,他吃飽了嗎

  • Is he like-- you know, what's happening?

    他--發生什麼事了?

  • And I opened up his diaper and one of my hairs

    接著我打開尿片看到

  • has wound itself around his situation.

    他的小雞雞上纏著我的一根頭髮

  • [APPLAUSE]

    [掌聲]

  • Almost castrated the son.

    差點閹了我的兒子

  • Anyway, that was good times.

    總之,那是美好的時光

  • That felt good.

    令人懷念

  • Hopefully he doesn't see this.

    希望我兒子不會收看節目

  • Happy birthday, Leonard.

    生日快樂,Leonard

  • Happy birthday, Leonard.

    生日快樂,Leonard

  • 11 years old.

    今年11歲了

  • There was another time I want to do like a spa--

    還有一次我想要和兒子

  • have like a spa time with him in the tub.

    在浴缸裡共度水療放鬆時光

  • I think I told you guys this.

    我應該有和你們說過這件事

  • It was like, oh, we're gonna-- this is gonna be a coziest,

    本來我們以為--這將會是最舒適,

  • like, bed time ever.

    像睡覺一樣的

  • I'm gonna dim the lights, have candles.

    我要把燈光調暗,點上蠟燭

  • It's gonna be a lavender bath--

    享受薰衣草浴--

  • Such high expectations.

    我很期待

  • It was like just high expectations, exactly.

    然而那就只是過度的期待

  • Didn't know that you shouldn't use like a straight lavender

    沒想到不能直接使用薰衣草精油

  • oil, like that it should be diffused.

    ,必須稀釋

  • Oh, so you did know.

    哦,你也知道

  • Well, because it burns.

    如果不稀釋的話會灼傷

  • Well, they sat in-- yes.

    是的,我的兒子坐下

  • Yes.

    沒錯

  • Literally, they like that in it.

    不誇張,他們坐下

  • It was so relaxing for two seconds.

    放鬆不到兩秒鐘

  • Then, all of a sudden, it was like, bloody murder.

    突然,就像是發生兇殺案一樣

  • Yeah.

    是的

  • Literally grabbing frozen washcloths and putting-- anyway

    立刻抓了冰毛巾放在上面--

  • that was a fun night too.

    那也是個快樂的夜晚

These are my "Bad Mom" confessions.

這是我「不良媽媽」的自白

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