Yeah.

是的

I mean, there are so many.

有好多例子可以分享

Be vulnerable.

打開心胸說出來吧

There was this one time my son was crying so hard

有一次我兒子大哭不停

and I didn't know what was the matter--

而我卻不知道發生什麼事－－

I didn't know what was the problem.

我不知道問題出在哪裡

I was looking at all of his digits.

我檢查他的手指腳趾

And I had no idea.

完全沒有頭緒

I was like, is he fed.

我想，他吃飽了嗎

Is he like-- you know, what's happening?

他－－發生什麼事了？

And I opened up his diaper and one of my hairs

接著我打開尿片看到

has wound itself around his situation.

他的小雞雞上纏著我的一根頭髮

[APPLAUSE]

[掌聲]

Almost castrated the son.

差點閹了我的兒子

Anyway, that was good times.

總之，那是美好的時光

That felt good.

令人懷念

Hopefully he doesn't see this.

希望我兒子不會收看節目

Happy birthday, Leonard.

生日快樂，Leonard

Happy birthday, Leonard.

生日快樂，Leonard

11 years old.

今年11歲了

There was another time I want to do like a spa--

還有一次我想要和兒子

have like a spa time with him in the tub.

在浴缸裡共度水療放鬆時光

I think I told you guys this.

我應該有和你們說過這件事

It was like, oh, we're gonna-- this is gonna be a coziest,

本來我們以為－－這將會是最舒適，

like, bed time ever.

像睡覺一樣的

I'm gonna dim the lights, have candles.

我要把燈光調暗，點上蠟燭

It's gonna be a lavender bath--

享受薰衣草浴－－

Such high expectations.

我很期待

It was like just high expectations, exactly.

然而那就只是過度的期待

Didn't know that you shouldn't use like a straight lavender

沒想到不能直接使用薰衣草精油

oil, like that it should be diffused.

，必須稀釋

Oh, so you did know.

哦，你也知道

Well, because it burns.

如果不稀釋的話會灼傷

Well, they sat in-- yes.

是的，我的兒子坐下

Yes.

沒錯

Literally, they like that in it.

不誇張，他們坐下

It was so relaxing for two seconds.

放鬆不到兩秒鐘

Then, all of a sudden, it was like, bloody murder.

突然，就像是發生兇殺案一樣

Yeah.

是的

Literally grabbing frozen washcloths and putting-- anyway

立刻抓了冰毛巾放在上面－－

that was a fun night too.

那也是個快樂的夜晚