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  • We are never as shy and gauche as we are when attempting to seduce someone we deeply like.

  • The thought of someone this perfect coming to take an interest in us seems at once tantalizing

  • and entirely implausible. We develop vertigo and, too often, fall. Behind our insecurity

  • lie two conjoined fears: that we are exceptionally awful. And that the beloved is exceptionally

  • perfect. Both ideas are hugely destructiveand false. However, the road to greater

  • confidence about our own nature is not to start to tell ourselves that we are, after

  • all, brilliant. It is to examine more carefully how brilliant any other human being can plausibly

  • beand conclude that we are no more awful than the next soul. We are so closely in contact

  • with our own ridiculous sides, we cannotfrom within, if we are halfway honesthave

  • many illusions about ourselves: every day, we are made aware of our inherent clumsiness,

  • error and absurdity. By contrast, we only ever see the carefully constructed facades

  • of everyone else, which is what can make them seemquite unfairlymore impressive

  • than they in fact are. We shouldn’t try to reassure ourselves of our own dignity;

  • we should grow at peace with the inevitable nature of our but also everybody else’s

  • ridiculousness. We are idiots now, we have been idiots in the past, and we will be idiots

  • again in the futureand that is entirely normal. There aren’t any other available

  • options for a human being. Once we learn to see ourselves as already, and by nature, foolish,

  • it really doesn’t matter so much if we do one more thing that might look quite stupid.

  • The person we try to kiss could indeed think us ridiculous. But if they did so, it wouldn’t

  • be news to us; they would only be confirming what we had already gracefully accepted in

  • our hearts long ago: that we, like themand every other person on the earthare something

  • of a nitwit. The risk of trying and failing would have its sting substantially removed.

  • The fear of humiliation would no longer stalk us in the shadows. Furthermore, it is properly

  • unhelpful ever to think of someone we want to seduce as particularly special. It is normal,

  • of course, to be momentarily dazzled by beauty or intelligence, but we should quickly recover

  • our poise and remember that our beloved is, after all, only human. In other words, that

  • behind the alluring facade, once we know them better, they will have a litany of irritating

  • habits, insecurities, obsessions and flaws. To give us further confidence, if we did kiss

  • and even one day marry this person, we’d almost certainly be quite unhappy a lot of

  • the time. Our intimidated feelings before a prospective lover stem from a melodramatic

  • sense of how much is at stake. This paragon will, with time, prove to be a lot more complicated

  • than they appear and will at points be plain heart-wrenchingly maddening. This dark knowledge

  • should relax us as we struggle to cross the room and speak to them: we are not, in fact,

  • faced with a divine being balancing our fate entirely in their well-formed hands. They

  • are an ordinary creature beset with all the tensions, compromises and blind spots we know

  • from our own selveswho will, if everything goes really well, in substantial ways eventually

  • ruin our lives. We can approach our date with the down-to-earth confidence of one misery-inducing

  • human reaching out to another to start a relationship that will, in time, at many points, feel like

  • an enormous mistake. We can import into the seduction phase some of the (usefully relaxing)

  • ingratitude that we naturally experience once a relationship has startedand use it

  • to get love going. We should, before heading out for the evening, tell oneself that one

  • is of course something of a cretin and an imbecile, but then so are they, and everyone

  • else we will meet. One or two more acts of folly should, thereafter, not seem like they

  • matter very much at all

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We are never as shy and gauche as we are when attempting to seduce someone we deeply like.


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如何自信地勾引別人 (How To Seduce Someone With Confidence)

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    籃嘉琪 發佈於 2021 年 01 月 14 日