Shut up!

閉嘴！

Hi, I'm Zayn West, CCO of Apple.

嗨，我是蘋果的CCO Zayn West。

Look, we get it. iPhones aren't cool anymore.

看，我們得到它。 iPhone不再酷

When the iPhone began, only the tech-y, young, cool people had them.

當iPhone開始販售的時候，只有科技，年輕，冷靜的人才有了他們。

But at some point, everyone's mum and Pop-Pop learned how to use the damned things, which is why today, I'm excited to announce the iPhone 8C.

但是在某種程度上，每個人的媽媽和Pop-Pop都會學到如何使用這些詛咒的東西，這就是為什麼今天我很高興地宣布iPhone 8C。

(Whisper) The C stands for cool.

（耳語）C代表酷。

The iPhone became more popular, and thus, less cool the easier it got to use.

iPhone變得越來越受歡迎，因此不那麼酷，它更容易使用。

Which is why we've made the 8C as counter-intuitive as possible to achieve maximum cool points.

這就是為什麼我們把8C視為盡可能的反直覺，以達到最大的酷點。

To scroll up, scroll down.

向上滾動，向下滾動。

To scroll down, scroll sideways.

向下滾動，向側面滾動。

And to scroll sideways, shake the phone, turn it counterclockwise and yell at it, like it is a disapproving pupup.

並向側面滾動，搖動手機，逆時針轉動，大聲喊叫，就像是一個不滿的小孩。

(Yelling) Protesting pipelines is a real job!

（大喊）抗議管道是一個真正的工作

And my employer is the earth!

而我的雇主是地球！

(ding)

(叮)

Old people's eyes kind of suck.

老人們的眼裡那種鬧心。

And they're always trying to make the font way too big.

他們總是試圖使字體太大。

Which is why we've made the tiniest font possible and there's absolutely no way for you to enlarge it.

這就是為什麼我們使最小的字體成為可能，絕對沒有辦法放大它。

Damn! He woke AF.

該死！他醒來對焦。

And we took it one step further.

我們再進一步。

In order to unlock the iPhone 8C, you have to answer one simple age verification question.

為了解鎖iPhone 8C，您必須回答一個簡單的年齡驗證問題。

(Siri) Who is Drake currently beefing with?

（Siri）Drake目前正在加強誰

Uhhh... Frank Sinatra?

呃...弗蘭克·西納特拉？

(Siri) Incorrect.

（Siri）不正確。

Ow! My dick's on fire.

噢！ 我的屌在火上

(Siri) What is 9-11?

（Siri）什麼是9-11？

I don't know.

我不知道。

(Siri) Correct!

（Siri）正確！

Yeah!

是啊！

Left swipe, left swipe... (mumbling)

左滑動，左滑動...（嘟嘟）

We here at Apple understand that personalization is key.

我們在蘋果這裡了解個性化是關鍵。

Which is why we've teamed up with Crayola to allow you to buy a special personalization kit.

為什麼我們與Crayola合作，讓您購買一個特殊的個性化套件。

So you can color your iPhone whichever color you like.

所以你可以為你的iPhone選顏色，你喜歡的顏色。

I colored mine pink because I don't believe a color can represent a gender.

我粉紅色，因為我不相信顏色可以代表一個性別

Except for yellow. That's for boys.

黃色除外 這是男孩。

And now it comes with the option of a cracked screen.

現在它有一個破解的屏幕的選項。

So you won't have to go through the guilt of inevitably cracking it youself.

所以你不必經歷自己不可避免的破裂的內疚。

But don't worry about shards of glass.

但不要擔心玻璃碎片。

Introducing the new iBag.

介紹新的iBag。

This new product allows you to seamlessly scroll on your device without worrying about slicing your puny little meat fingers open.

這種新產品可以讓您無縫地滾動您的設備，而不用擔心將您的小肉手指切開

And for our most advanced feature yet...

並為我們最先進的功能..

Yes, I was just speaking in a British accent, but that's not cool anymore.

是的，我只是用英國口音說，但這不是很酷。

For our most advanced feature yet, we're excited to introduce wireless charging.

對於我們最先進的功能，我們很高興推出無線充電。

When we removed the headphone jack from the iPhone 7, people completely lost their minds.

當我們從iPhone 7中取出耳機插孔時，人們完全失去了思想。

So we thought, hey, why not remove all the holes?

所以我們想，嘿，為什麼不去掉所有的洞？

So when your battery runs low each night, simply bring it in to one of our Apple stores and let one of our geniuses replace your entire iPhone.

所以當你的電池每天晚上都很低的時候，只需把它帶到我們的一家蘋果商店，讓我們的一個天才取代你的整個iPhone。

It only costs as much as the original price, plus a teeny-tiny recharging fee.

它的成本只有原價，加上少量的充電費。

I love buying a new iPhone every night. Plus, I always get that new phone smell.

我喜歡每天晚上買一個新的iPhone。 另外，我總是得到這個新手機的氣味。

(sniff)

（嗅探）

(whispering) I love you Apple.

（耳語）我愛你蘋果

The iPhone 8C. Putting the cool back in iPhone.

iPhone 8C。 把iPhone放回iPhone裡。

Oh, yeah and it doesn't make phone calls anymore. Just, I don't know, f*ck you.

哦，是的，它不再打電話了。 只是，我不知道，他媽的

Thank you so much for subscribing. Yes, I am speaking in a terrible English accent because it's cool again.

非常感謝您的訂閱。 是的，我用一個可怕的英文口音說話，因為它很酷。

Click the box on the left with your sweaty little meat fingers to see behind the scenes footage and bloopers.

點擊左邊的那個盒子，用你的汗水小的肉肉手指看幕後的鏡頭和胸口。

And click the box on the right to see the time the ghost of Steve Jobs unveiled the iPhone 6.

並點擊右邊的框，看看史蒂夫·喬布斯的幽靈揭開iPhone 6的時間。