It is the final say whether you'll get into the college or not.

這是你是否會進入大學就讀的最終決定因素。

You got a perfect score on the SAT?

你在 SAT 測驗上得到很高的分數？

Yeah, but Billy played tennis.

是的，但是 Billy 很會打網球。

So I went to a preparatory school my freshman year.

因此我一年級先進入了預備學校。

And I joined the newspaper club.

並且參加了新聞社。

And the only reason I did was because I wanted to put my comics in the school newspaper.

我這麼做的原因只有一個，那就是：我想要讓我的漫畫刊登在學校的報紙上。

I was a comic freak back then.

我當時是一個漫畫狂。

Still am, though.

雖然現在還是。

But I went to, like, two meetings,

但在我去了大概兩次開會之後，

and it became very obvious that we weren't gonna make a school newspaper.

我很清楚知道，我們並沒有要編輯學校報紙。

So I stopped going, and I was basically a derp for the rest of the year.

我就不去了，並且在後面的時間裡都在發呆。

Sophomore year rolls around, and I was going public.

二年級是個時光飛逝的一年，我去看看了外面的世界。

And one of my friends,

我的一位好朋友，

he suggested that I do track and field.

他建議我去參加田徑社。

And I was like, "Oh!

我的反應就「喔！

That doesn't seem like a very physically demanding sport.

這看起來不像是個很需要體力的運動。

Yeah, yeah!"

好啊，好啊！」

Mm, mm, mm, mm, mm.

嗯嗯。

On the first day, I was so bad,

第一天的時候，我的表現很差，

I threw up on the warm-up lap.

我在熱身圈就吐了。

I mean, at least I was pushing myself.

我的意思是，至少我踏出自己的舒適圈。

On the second day, we ran off school grounds before school started.

第二天，我們在上課前跑出了學校校園。

And everyone else made it back before the starting bell rang.

每個人都在鐘聲響起前跑了回來。

But me, being the slowest one on the team,

但是我是隊上最慢的一個，

didn't make it back until first period had already started.

在第一堂開始前，我還沒能跑得回來。

And then I had to explain to my teacher why I was late and sweaty.

接著，我必須要和老師解釋為什麼我上課遲到，而且還滿身大汗。

I quit track team after those two times,

我在這兩次的經驗之後，就離開了田徑社，

and was basically a derp again for the rest of the year.

在後面的時間裡，再度變成了每天發呆的人。

Then junior year rolls around,

很快的，我三年級了，

And this one girl, she told me,

而這個女生告訴我：

James, you're so funny!

James 你真是太有趣了！

You should try out for the improv team!

你應該試試看即興表演社徵選！

And I was like,

我的反應是，

"Yeah, okay!"

「是喔！好啊！」

Improv was basically a group of all the cool theater kids.

即興表演社就是一個團體，有很多很酷的演戲的小孩。

And if you have any experience with theater kids,

如果你接觸過這種人，

then you know that they're just a real treat!

你就會知道，他們根本就是浮誇！

I walk into the room for tryouts.

我走進去要嘗試看看時。

Everyone is loud. People already know each other.

每個人都很大聲，大家已經都認識彼此了。

And no one is quiet except for me sitting in a chair by myself.

沒有人是安靜的，除了我自己一個人坐在椅子上。

Everyone took a turn playing an improv game.

每個人輪流上台飾演。

And when it was my turn,

當輪到我時，

I went up,

我站上台，

and I tried my best.

並盡我了我的全力。

And then I sat back down.

接著回到座位上。

And I guess the captain saw something in me because I made the team.

我想社長是看到我身上有什麼潛能之類，因為我入選了。

And it was awesome!

真的太棒了！

But I only went two times—heh I'm just kidding.

但我只去過兩次—我開玩笑的。

I stayed in there for the rest of my junior and senior year.

我的三四年級都在那裏度過。

Oh, and the newspaper team at the public school asked if I could make comics for their newspaper.

喔！然後公立學校的新聞社還來找我，問我能不能幫他們的報紙畫些漫畫。

One quick story about improv:

關於即興表演有個小故事：

So we were considered a competitive improv group that competed against other schools doing shows.

我們被認為是很厲害的即興表演社，還會跟其他會表演的學校比賽。

And we were playing this one game called "Categories."

我們玩的這場遊戲名稱為「種類」。

Basically, you were given a category, like "Fruit."

基本上，有人指定一個種類，像是「水果」。

We would stand in a line, and if the judge pointed to us, we would have to say something in that category.

我們會排成一排，被裁判點到就要說出在那個種類裡的東西。

And if you couldn't think of anything, or you said something that wasn't in the category,

而如果你突然想不到，或是說了不在那個種類裡的東西，

you were out.

你就輸了。

So we played the game, and it comes down to me and one other player.

接著，我們就開始玩這個遊戲，到最後剩下我和另一個玩家。

And our category was "Occupations."

我們的題目是「職業」。

And, out of the millions of occupations to choose from,

有超過百萬種的職業可以選擇，

the first thing I said was,

我講的第一個是：

"Porn Star!"

「色情明星！」

And everyone started laughing and giggling,

所有人爆出了笑聲，

but I was too caught up in the moment.

但我太投入了。

"Yeah!"

「耶！」

"Let's go!"

「繼續！」

"Has anyone said 'crack dealer' yet?"

「還沒人說過毒販吧？」

The judge said I was inappropriate, and the other team won.

裁判說我很不恰當，所以另一隊贏了。

So that's my story.

這就是我的故事。

Did it help me get into a good college?

這可以幫助我進入好大學嗎？

Ehh, no...

痾...沒辦法...。

But if there's anything you should learn from this, it's that you should not be doing any sports.

但如果要說你可以從中學到的任何東西那就是：你不應該參加任何運動社團！

Stomach, shut up!

肚子，不要叫！