Raise your hands.

舉起你的手來

I am sorry I was eight hours late for brunch yesterday.

我很抱歉我昨天早午餐遲到了八小時

I...I..I forgot.

我...我...我忘記了

I'm speechless.

我不知道該說什麼了

I just don't believe in being on time.

我只是不覺得準時有那麼重要

Ah, crap.

啊！糟了

I forgot my pills.

我忘了吃藥

I've been so busy today.

我今天超忙

Actually I've been looking at pictures of baby goats.

其實我是忙著看小山羊的照片

Yeah, I've been really busy,

對啊，我真的超忙的

three hours of doing work.

整整三個小時都在工作

(three hours of looking at baby goats)

（三個小時都在看小山羊的照片）

I'm feeling really good about myself tonight,

我覺得我今晚狀態很棒

so I am just gonna

所以我想要

have some water, refreshing.

喝杯水，提神一下

Oh no, I missed my mouth

喔不，我錯過我的嘴巴了

Looking flawless like my dreams.

我就像我夢想的一樣完美無缺

Girl, I know I am a mess,

女孩們，我知道我看起來很邋遢

but that's what I live for.

但這就是我的生活目標

I don't follow rules.

我不追尋規則

I follow dogs on social media.

我只追蹤社群媒體上的小狗狗

You know how I get my look?

你知道我都怎麼打扮自己嗎？

My routine?

我的每日妝容教學？

I roll outta bed and show up.

我起床然後就出門

I don't like effort.

我不喜歡花太多心思

Sorry, it took me three years to respond back to your text because

很抱歉，我花了三年的時間才回覆你的簡訊

I don't really understand technology

因為我真的不是很懂科技這東西

and I'm sorry for the divorce.

然後對於你離婚這事我感到遺憾

Oh, I'm sorry um......

喔對不起...

What were we doing?

我們剛剛在做什麼？

Oh, uh... yea

喔喔對

I'm sorry I just do that sometimes

抱歉我有時候就是這樣

on surfaces and couches.

只要在是平面的地方或沙發上

Couchs

沙發

Couches

沙發

Couch

沙發

I don't know how to say it.

我不知道怎麼說這個字

My life is a chain of awkward selfies.

我的人生就是一連串的尷尬自拍

I feel so cute tonight.

我今晚覺得自己好可愛

So I'm going to take a picture of myself.

所以我要幫自己拍張照

(sneezes)

（打噴嚏）

Oh no.

喔不！

Love me or hate me,

喜歡我也好，討厭我也好

but I'm awkward..so..

但我就是這麼尷尬，所以⋯⋯

Gotta deal with it honey.

親愛的，你就面對吧！

I know it's Saturday, but I can't come out.

我知道今天是禮拜六，但我不能出去

I'm old and tired.

我又老又累

Respect your elders.

請尊重一下年長者

My back!

我的背！

People keep saying, "Charlene, why are you so extra?",

大家老是說：「Charlene 你為什麼這麼多餘？」

but I think about it, and I'm like....

但我想了想，我覺得....

not as extra as the extra large fries I'm eating tonight.

怎樣也沒像我今晚要吃的特大號薯條那麼多餘

I'm literally the best person I know.

我是我所認識的人裡面最棒的那一個

I talk to myself all the time.

我無時無刻都會跟自己對話

I hang out with myself all the time,

我無時無刻和我自己消磨時間

like seriously.

真的是跟我自己

I can listen to Despacito alone

我可以一個人聽 Despacito

What are you?

你是幹什麼的？

Humans....

死老百姓