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  • Polite people have it instilled in them from an early age that they shouldn't talk too much about themselves.

    有禮貌的人從很小就內化了一種觀念:就是他們不該總是談論自己

  • A few comments aside, they shouldto prove appealingalways ask the other about their lives or stick to impersonal topics found in newspapers, lest they be accused of that heinous charge: self-absorption.

    撇開對這個概念的評論,這些人為了證明自我的魅力,總是關心他人的生活,談話時也只選擇一些非私人的主題,例如在報章雜誌的話題,才不會被人討厭,或被認為自我感覺良好

  • But this rule fails to distinguish between different ways of talking about oneself.

    但這個原則無法使人分別談論自己和表現自我

  • There are, as well-mannered people sometimes forget, better and worse ways to share details of one's life.

    有些教養好的人會忘記與人討論自己時,有分好與壞的方式

  • It is not the amount that one talks that should determine the issue; only how one does so.

    其實談論的多寡並不那麼重要,而是你如何談論自己才重要

  • There is one particular way of discussing oneself which, however long it goes on for, never fails to win one friends, reassure audiences, comfort couples, bring solace to the single and buy one the goodwill of enemies: the confession of vulnerability and error.

    有一種特別的方式來說自己,不論你談多久,你都可以成功地贏得友誼、抓住聽眾、安慰伴侶、撫慰人心或消彌惡意:這個方法就是承認錯誤和軟弱

  • To hear that we have failed, that we are sad, that it was our fault, that our partners don't seem to like us much, that we are lonely, that we have wished it might all be overthere is scarcely anything nicer anyone could learn.

    如果別人聽到我們失敗、難過、犯錯,或是遭到夥伴冷落,感到寂寞,或我們希望一切都過去。沒有比這更有用且值得大家學習

  • This is often taken to signal a basic nastiness in human nature, but the truth is more poignant.

    這通常被認為表現出人性本惡,但事實更辛酸

  • We are not so much crowing when we hear of failure as deeply reassuredreassured to know that we aren't humiliatingly alone with the appalling difficulties of being alive.

    當我們聽到他人失敗時,與其說感到幸災樂禍,倒不如說是感到安心,知道我們並不是孤單而困窘地活在辛苦的人世

  • It is all too easy to suspect that we have been uniquely cursed in the extent of our troubles, of which we seldom find evidence in the lives around us.

    我們很容易懷疑自己某種程度上受到詛咒,才會有那麼多麻煩,卻很少從身邊的人證實他們也有這些困擾。

  • The media offers us unending accounts of the financial and creative success of others, while our friends and acquaintances constantly pepper their conversations with ever-so subtle boasts about their and their children's accomplishments.

    媒體又不斷提醒我們有很多人致富或有卓越的成功。同時,我們的朋友或熟人又經常在談話中十分地巧妙地吹噓他們和其孩子的成就

  • By an ultimate irony, these self-promoters aren't trying to alienate us.

    最諷刺的是,這些自我膨脹並不是試著要疏離我們

  • They are labouring under the touching but seriously misguided impression that we will like them more for their success.

    他們努力地表現自己,是基於引人同情卻嚴重誤導的印象:好像我們因為他們成功而喜歡他們

  • They are applying to social life, a model of a relationship between popularity and success that in fact only applies in very selective contexts, perhaps when we seek to please our parents or need the help of successful people to advance our careers.

    他們所認為的人際關係是以人的成功及受歡迎程度為前提,但這只是適用某些情境,例如當我們想要取悅父母或需要在職場更上層樓

  • But the rest of the time, as the boasters forget, we find success an enormous problem.

    然而在大多數的情況下,吹噓的人忘記了,我們視成功為一個巨大的問題

  • We put in so much effort to be perfect.

    我們必須投入心力以求完美

  • But the irony is that it's failure that charms, because others so need to hear external evidence of problems with which we are all too lonely: how un-normal our sex lives are; how misguided our careers are proving; how unsatisfactory our family can be; how worried we are pretty much all the time.

    但諷刺的是失敗才能展現魅力,因為其他人想聽到的是外部證據證明出我們都是寂寞的:例如性生活如何不順、工作是怎麼誤入歧途、家庭又是如何令人不滿、以及我們隨時又有多麼擔心害怕

  • Revealing any of these wounds might, of course, place us in great danger.

    當然,揭開傷疤會使我們陷入危險

  • Others could laugh; social media could have a field day.

    別人可能會取笑我們,社群媒體可能吵翻天

  • That's the point.

    這就是重點

  • We get close by revealing things that would, in the wrong hands, be capable of inflicting humiliation on us.

    我們告訴別人這些來使我們更親近,但如果是不對的人聽到傳出去我們可能會丟臉

  • Friendship is the dividend of gratitude that flows from an acknowledgement that one has offered something very valuable to someone by talking: not a fancy present, but something even more precious, the key to one's self-esteem and dignity.

    友誼是對於他人的肯定感謝而產生的分紅,是藉由談話給予他人的有價之物。不是花俏的禮物,而是更珍貴的東西,對自信及尊嚴很重要

  • It's deeply poignant that we should expend so much effort on trying to look strong before the worldwhen, all the while, it's really only ever the revelation of the somewhat embarrassing, sad, melancholy and anxious bits of us that is what makes us endearing to others, and transforms strangers into friends.

    我們必須費力在世人面前表現得堅強,這點極為辛酸。然而,其實一直以來也都是因為我們向他人展現出自己窘迫,難過、憂鬱、焦慮的樣子,才更會討人喜歡,也才能使陌生人變成朋友

  • We love bringing you these films.

    我們很高興製作這些影片

  • If you want to help us to keep bringing you thoughtful content, please consider supporting us by visiting our shop at the link on your screen now.

    若你願意協助我們持續製作影片

Polite people have it instilled in them from an early age that they shouldn't talk too much about themselves.

有禮貌的人從很小就內化了一種觀念:就是他們不該總是談論自己

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如何在談論自己的時候展現魅力 (How to Be Charming When Talking About Yourself)

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    黃一晟 發佈於 2017 年 09 月 15 日
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