Don't get too attached to any of the hamsters

不用太擔心影片裡的倉鼠們

mentioned in this video.

不用太擔心影片裡的倉鼠們

Cause they're all DEAD (RIP)

因為他們都死了......

and I would say that no hamsters were harmed in the making of this video.

然後影片中沒有倉鼠受傷

Well I mean no hamsters were harmed while I made this video.

我是說沒有倉鼠在影片製作過程中受傷

They're all still dead.

但他們還是過世了....

But some hamsters...

只不過有一些...

They got harmed...

還是受傷了

Just keep watching!

先看在講吧

If there's anything I've learned that the internet just loves is stupid drama and cute animals.

我覺得網路上有一堆的蠢戲劇跟可愛動物

So I'm gonna talk about all the cute hamsters I've

所以就來說說我奴役過的那些...

Enslaved...

倉鼠.......

Our family enslaved quite a lot

我的家庭還奴役了不少

It was my twin sister who really wanted a pet hamster and bugged my mom to get one.

因為我的雙胞胎妹妹一直求我媽想要養寵物

and my mom being super nice, bought her the cage and we bought everything else.

我媽對她很好,幫他買了籠子和其他一堆東西

Including a little black hamster.

包括一隻黑色的倉鼠 我們叫他

We named him Squeaks.

吱吱

And he liked to do this really cute thing where he put his food in his hamster wheel, it was made of plastic. so he could do that.

他做了一件超可愛的事情就是把飼料都放在他的塑膠輪子裡

And then late at night he would just run in it and it would sound like...

但晚上當她去玩輪子... 聽起來就像......

*Sound of grains going super fast on a plastic wheel*

*馬拉卡*

It was like a more annoying maraca!

只是是更煩人的聲音

I actually made a comic on paper inspired by this hamster

受到如此啟發 我也做了一篇紙上漫畫

Smart friend of guy in comic : Wow, you got a hamster?

哇 你有一隻倉鼠ㄟ

Other guy in comic: Yeah, but he doesn't do much

對阿 但她都不會做任何事

Smart friend of guy in comic: Well, yeah. This type of hamster is nocturnal

這個嗎...這種倉鼠是夜行性的

Other guy in comic: Really? That means I'll hardly notice him!

真的嘛!! 那它的存在感太低了吧

And then at night he's trying to sleep but the hamster is loud and it's keeping him awake and the joke is that he said he'd hardly notice him and he's noticing him.

好笑的是一到了睡覺時間 那聲音只會讓他失眠

It's not that funny!

沒有很好看

And I need to tell you about a dog that we have named Georgie

我要跟你講一隻叫喬治的狗狗

And actually a little fun fact about Georgie

有一件有趣的是發生在喬治身上

She was born on Election day of 2004

她是出生在2004年的總統大選上

Which is a much cooler holiday to have a birthday on, it only comes once every 4 years

滿酷的生日 4年才會來一次

It's like leap year... It's more rare

就像閏年... 但更罕見

So since George W Bush won the 2004 election we named our dog Georgie after him!

所以喬治 W 小布希上任後我們給他命名 喬治

Awwwww!

噢WWWWWWW

Also means her 12th birthday was on the second

意味著她12歲生日是在第二個選舉

I definitely won't be able to get this video out by that time, but still...

我絕對等不到那時候慶祝 但是

♪Happy birthday to you!♬ Yay!

祝你生日快樂~~~

So Georgie can get the birthday 'cause it's her birthday and Poppy can get the girl... Because it's... she's a girl

喬治拿這塊生日蛋糕 因為她生日 趴比拿這塊女生蛋糕 因為她是...女生?

Do you like it?

喜歡嗎?

Wonder if this tastes good *Tastes it* *Sound of disgust*

不知道味道怎麼樣

James did you eat it?!

她真的吃了?!?!

This is a huge waste of money...

真浪費錢

Anyway back to rodents, this dog just loved to murder these animals

回到老鼠們 喬治喜歡謀殺他們

Well I don't know if murder's the right word

不知道謀殺這個詞用的對不對

No, murder's the right word!

應該對吧

You have to understand that Georgie is a west highland terrier.

你要知道喬治是一隻西高地白㹴

And that breed is known for hunting small animals

他們天生就愛抓小動物

So having Georgie and a hamster in the same house...

所以他們共處一室時...

Doesn't mix well

並不怎麼和睦

We had this little plastic hamster ball that we put Squeaks in sometimes

有時候我們把它放在一顆倉鼠球內

The first time we put Squeaks into his plastic ball, my older brother bowled him (like an idiot)

第一次放進去時 我哥把她整顆拿去滾

Like a bowling ball

像保齡球一樣

Peta don't sue me, I was vegan for a week

動保別吉我

And Georgie thought it was a treat just for her, a treat with a hard outer shell and a juicy middle

喬治覺得這可是個禮物 硬硬的外殼但美味的餡兒

She would go straight up rabid wolf on that hamster ball

喬治看到時就像發瘋一樣

We didn't put Squeaks inside his hamster ball after that

之後就再也沒有把吱吱放進去過

But there's even more to say about this hamster

吱吱不只只有這一個故事

One day, me and my sister came home from school and Squeaks was just gone!

有一天 我和妹妹放學回家後發現吱吱不見了

He escaped!

它逃脫了

EVERYONE CHECK YOUR POCKETS!!!

大家快檢查口袋!!!!!!!

We looked everywhere and we couldn't find him

找遍了都找不到吱吱

We had to keep a close eye on Georgie at all times

我們一直都把喬治列入嫌疑犯之一

My sister put up missing posters around the house. I don't know if those helped

我妹妹在家附近到處貼尋鼠啟示 我不覺得那有用

We made these traps out of Duplo

我們也用 Duplo 做了捕鼠陷阱

Did anyone else's parents get them Duplo instead of legos

有人也是拿到 Duplo 而不是 LEGO 嗎

No? Only my parents were that lame, alright

沒有?只有我這樣嗎?? 好吧

We built this box thing out of Duplo and we made these stairs going up to the top of the box

我們蓋了一蛤豆腐塊然後放了階梯

And we put lettuce on each step and the plan was that the hamster would walk up the stairs and fall in the box.

然後在每一階放了些萵苣 計畫是它會踩上去然後掉進去

Because they're stupid

因為她們笨笨的

But the traps never worked

但陷阱從來沒有作用

And all the hamster's we got in the future also escaped

之後的倉鼠也逃脫了

We made the same traps and not once did they ever work

同樣的陷阱一次也沒成功過

4 days... Squeaks was missing for 4 days

4天...吱吱失蹤4天了

We found his body...

我們找到他

Inside the wall...

在牆裡...

He was alive!

他還活著!!!!

My dad was sitting on the couch relaxing, it was dead quiet and he just heard the faintest

我爸坐在沙發上休息 一片死寂下聽到了

*scratching noises*

*怪聲音*

Squeaks was inside the wall! We think he got in through our laundry chute

吱吱就在牆裡 在洗衣板後面

I don't know what I would do if my kid's hamster was inside the wall of my house

我是不知道如果我兒子的倉鼠卡在牆裡我會做甚麼啦...

Well kids, now it's an important time I teach you about death.

這個嗎...是時候要離別了 )sombraㄟ

My dad ended up cutting three holes in the wall and lured Squeaks out with some lettuce

最後我爸敲了3個洞然後用萵苣引他出來

Poor thing... He was probably starving

好可憐 他都餓壞了

Hopefully he kept some extra food in his cheeks

希望他臉頰裡有先預存些食物

So even getting tormented by the dog and getting stuck in a wall for 4 days

就算被喬治虐待跟卡在牆裡4天

Squeaks still lived fullfilling 2 years of life

他還是活了2年

Hamsters dont't have that long a lifespan

倉鼠並不長壽

He buried him in the backyard

吱吱在後院下葬

After the Squeaks Dynasty, we got some more hamsters

吱吱死後 我們還是養了更多倉鼠

Squeaks II that was the next one

吱吱二號是下一隻

We thought maybe if we introduce Squeaks II to Georgie, then they could be friends and get along

我們以為把吱吱二號跟喬治介紹可以讓他們變朋友 和睦相處

I'll spare you the details of what happened that night

那天晚上發生了很可怕的事 QAQ

The next one we named Killer because he kept biting us, so get it? Killer?

下一隻叫做咬咬 因為它會咬人 懂嗎? 咬咬 咬人?

Yeah he ended up getting killed...

他也是被咬死的..........

Nah! He wasn't killed, he lived a normal, long hamster life

開玩笑地 他最後也活得好好的

Squeaks II was killed though... I don't know if you picked up on that

吱吱二號才是被被咬死的 不知道你怎麼想

We bought these 3 Little Hamsters and seriously they're the most adorable little things

我們買的三隻小傢伙 說實話 它們超可愛的

They looked like this!

就像照片上那樣

I forgot their names, we'll just call them the 3 Amigoes

我忘了它們的名子 我們都叫他三小朋友

Awwww!

Awwww

The lady at the pet store told us that if we bought hamsters from the same litter, they would all get along

寵物店小姐跟我們說如果我們買三胞胎 他們就不會打架

She was obviously trying to sell us more hamsters or maybe she didn't have any siblings

很明顯他只是想強制推銷

But these bros just hated each other

但那些小傢伙恨透彼死嘞

They would never stop fighting!

永遠都在打架

As I was writing the script for this, I thought maybe they're just aggressively playing

在我寫劇本的時候 我以為他們只是在玩

So I googled 'do hamsters play with each other? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

所以我google了一下詳情( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

And the first thing that showed up ' dwarf hamsters (which is what the 3 Amigoes were) are quite territorial and will not see former cagemates as old friends'

然而結果是 這三小朋友都很有地域性 對於侵入自己地盤的老鼠

They see them as threatening rivals

就會被當敵人

So there you go "you really know your hamsters lady!"

原來店員是麻地建仁

So we had to get the three, three different cages for them

只好把三小朋友用三個籠子分開

We put them next to each other and I swear they still gave each other some death glares

就算分開了 但他們還是常常死亡凝視對方

I actually made a video a long time ago about this time I broke one of their cages

之前我有做過一支影片是關於我打破其中一個籠子的事情

I was cleaning it outside and for whatever reason I was just like "huh I wonder if I can stand on it"

當時我正在清洗籠子然後突然疑惑 huh 不知道我能不能站在上面

The answer? NO

答案? 不!! 我不行

The glass broke and I bled everywhere!

玻璃破了然後我血流成河

I still have the scar of my foot

連腳上的傷疤都還沒好呢

And then all the 3 Amigoes died off... one by one...

三小朋友也一支接著一支的去世了

Sorry I'm getting really emotional

抱歉 有點感傷

We also had this other hamster named Buddy, I wasn't gonna mention him because Buddy escaped and we never found him

下一隻是巴底 我本來沒有要提到他的說 因為他在逃走之後就不見了

Except as my mom was reading over the script, because she reads over my scripts, thanks mom <3

通常我都把稿子先拿給媽媽看 感謝媽媽讀完我的稿子之後

She turned to me and said ' Did we ever tell you what happened to Buddy?'

她轉過來然後說 我們都沒跟你說巴底發生了什麼事嗎??

And I said "What do you mean?"

我說 &#39;你這是啥底意思啊&#39;

She said "You know how we couldn't find him, well we did, but the dog got to him first"

她說 你知道我們找不到它 其實 我們有找到 但是是狗狗先找到的...

This time I wanted to buy a hamster and I saw some that were on sale

這次我想再買一隻然後我看到了 一籠再打折的

And there was this piece of paper next to the cage that said 'PLEASE ADOPT US!'

籠子旁貼著 拜託帶我們回家QQQ

OH SHOOT! I'll take one of these puppies!

歐 甘 我要一隻毛茸茸的

No, no, no! Not an actual puppy, I meant one of the hamsters.

不不不 不是毛球 我是說它們其中一隻

And I named her Pumpkin seed because she was that tan pumpkin seed colour

它叫做南瓜子 因為它看起來就是那樣

But then one month after I got her, she just died! For no reason

但是我才養了一個月 它就過世了 沒有任何原因

Even though, I loved her, she had food and water

我那麼愛她 她有食物和水

This wasn't the first time I was taking care of a hamster OK?

這可是我第一次為倉鼠感傷ㄟ

All the other ones lived for a couple of years

其他的都嘛活了幾年

I was so sad, I totally got gypped!

我超傷心的 我絕對受到創傷了

No wonder they're on sale, they're halfway to death's door!

難怪他們再打折 他們半隻腳都進棺材了

I mean I only had the hamster for a month, I-I didn't get that emotionally attached to it

我是說只有這一隻只活一個月 藍受香菇

But then later, I got a different hamster, that I paid full price for.

之後 我養了一隻全新的倉鼠 我這次可是付了全價了

And I named her Gumball

她叫 泡泡糖

Unlike all the other hamsters that were technically my sister's

不像其他倉鼠其實都是我妹妹的

This hamster was all mine. She didn't have anything dramatic happen to her

泡泡糖屬於我 她並沒有發生任何意外

She had a good hamster life

她過了快樂的一生

I was pretty sad when Gumball died

她去世時 我其實滿傷心的

We lavished these hamsters OK?

我們珍惜倉鼠們 OK?

We loved them, at least... My sister did...

我們愛他們 至少我妹妹是

She cried when they died and made little gravestones for them.

倉鼠死時她傷心到哭了 也做了一個個小墓碑

Our mom always said ' there's no point in being a skinny hamster!'

我媽媽總是告訴我們 別讓倉鼠們餓肚子

She gave them ALOT of treats

她總是餵的它們飽飽的

So much so that it got to the point that the hamster would come out looking for my mom just by the sound of her voice

所以當倉鼠們一聽到我媽媽的聲音 它們就會探出頭來

All and all, there are around 7 dead hamsters buried in our backyard

總的來說 前前後後總共有7隻老鼠埋在後院

RIP in piece little bros

安息吧小兄弟

*singing* Oh say! Can you see?

*唱歌*

*James keeps singing his beautiful song*

*繼續唱歌*

Were any of your pet hamsters brutally murdered by your dog? Tell me in the comment box below

你的倉鼠也是被狗謀殺的嗎? 在下方留言告訴我吧

Thanks for watching, sorry you had to hear me sing, man Georgie turned 12 this month

謝謝觀看 抱歉讓你聽我唱歌 天啊 喬治這個月要滿12歲了呢

What is that? 200 in human years?

對人類是多少? 200歲??

I have this kinda quick story to make to make this end card longer

(這裡不太懂)

But one time, I was with some group of people that I didn't know too well

(這裡不太懂)

And I was talking to someone about how Georgie was named after George W Bush

然後在小布希當選後 我也跟別人說這故事

And after i told him that, he said "Oh I'd kill that dog!"

然後他說 我要殺了它!!

Alright man that was a pretty weird thing to say

好吧 那還蠻怪的

Before I say wear a seatbelt, I just wanna say "hi!" to Jacob, Josh and Carsen

(這裡不太懂)

Alright that's all wear your seatbelt ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

(這裡不太懂)

And now for the present!

禮物來了歐!

*squeaky toy noises*

*吱吱吱吱吱吱*

Anyway this is what you like to do to hamsters *SQUEAKING INTENSIFIES!*

這就是你怎麼對倉鼠們的阿