This looks bad.

這看起來很糟糕。

But I assure you,

不過我保證，

I have everything under contr-UGH!

這一切都在意料之中。

Okay, maybe not.

好吧，也許不全在意料之中。

Ugh, such a dirty shoe.

哎，這鞋子怎麽這麽髒。

First things first.

首先，

I'm not your average teenager.

我不是一般的少年。

I never get to grow up with a family with bikes and candy.

我不在一個有自行車和糖果的普通家庭長大。

My family was an international network of killers.

我的父母是國際特工。

I bike with a Falcon Recon 23X,

我的自行車是一部變速摩托，

and the closest thing I ever got to candy was...

而我見過的最像糖果的東西是……

Well, I did get a lolipop once

嗯，小時候曾經見過一次棒棒糖……

but that's not the point!

不過這不是重點！

As long as I remember, I've been trained to become an A.S.S.,

從我記事開始，就已經在接受變成A.S.S.特工的訓練 （ASS英文縮寫意為“屁股”）

an Agent of Secret Stuff.

A.S.S. “秘密東西特工”。（或者“屁股特工”）

For 17 years I trained alongside with one of the cruelest, boldest, most heartless killer of all the A.S.S.es,

17年來我一直受訓於一名最冷酷無情的A.S.S.特工，

Tracy.

他的名字叫Tracy。（常作女子名）

- It's a man's name...!

- 這可是一個男子名！

3 months ago, on the final day of my training,

3個月前，在我即將結束訓練的那一天，

Tracy brought me in front of a panel,

Tracy讓我會見了特工內閣，

the highest ranked A.S.S.es.

他們都是組織裏最高等級的特工。

I'm talking top quality A.S.S.

我說的可是很棒的A.S.S. （屁股）

- Aden, for the past 17 years you have been like a son to me.

- Aden，在過去的17年裏我一直把你當做兒子看待。

We've been on missions around the world,

你在世界各地執行任務，

prevented various global disasters and saved countless lives.

防止了很多災難的發生和救助了很多人的生命。

And now, it's time for you to become an official Agent of Secret Stuff.

現在，你即將要變成一名正式的“秘密東西特工”了。（屁股特工）

But, before I give you your Honorary Operative License Entitlement,

不過，在我把你的“榮譽執行勛章”，H.O.L.E.勛章

your H.O.L.E.,

交給你之前，（ASS-HOLE縮寫意為屁眼）

you have one more assignment you must complete.

你還有最後一個任務。

- But... Sir! With all due respect, I devoted my life to training.

- 可是…… 長官！我已經全心全力地在訓練了！

- You will follow orders!

- 你必須聽從命令！

- But... But why?! I already did all the hard stuff!

- 可是…… 為什麽？我已經完成過很多艱巨的任務了！

- We are A.S.S.es!

- 我們是A.S.S.特工！

We do not complain when things get too hard.

我們不會在困難面前滿口怨言。

We push on through, and we take it.

我們只會努力地開辟道路。

- But you said...

- 可是你以前說過……

- Enough!

- 夠了！

Please, tell Aden his assignment.

請把任務分配給Aden吧。

- Aden, we need you for a special assignment that only you can execute!

- Aden，我們有一個特殊的任務只有你可以完成！

The Society Involving Not-so-good Stuff, a.k.a. the S.I.N.S.,

“社會上不太好東西的幫會”，通常簡稱S.I.N.S. （SINS縮寫意為罪惡）

they have been our mortal enemies for decades.

他們長年累月與我們作對。

And now, they have found a new target,

最近，他們要對一個新的目標下手。

Taylor Rentrol, a high school senior.

她叫做Taylor，是一個高中生。

We need an agent on the inside.

我們將需要一個內應。

We believe that the S.I.N.S. have already infiltrated the school with assassins of their own!

我們相信S.I.N.S.幫會已經派出了他們的殺手混在學校當中！

Your mission is to pose as a high school student and protect Taylor from impending threats!

你的任務就是以高中生的身份去保護Taylor免受傷害！

- But... why are they after Taylor?

- 但是…… 他們為什麽要對Taylor下手？

- That will be revealed at a later time,

- 這個答案會在晚一點揭曉，

in like, 30 minutes?

大概在30分鐘之後吧？

We have already made preparations for your enrollment.

我們已經安排好了學校方面的事情，

A spot has been made available in all of Taylor's classes.

正好在Taylor的各個班上都出現了空位。

She must not know that she is in danger!

不過有一點，Taylor必須不能意識到她處在危險當中！

This is a new world for you!

對你來說這將會是一個考驗！

High school students are the most dangerous and misunderstood citizens that you will ever come across!

這些高中生會是你遇到過的最危險和棘手的對手！

You must operate cautiously.

你要隨時保持警戒。

- I will not fail.

- 我一定不會辜負眾望。

- Cool, peace out.

- 很好，那麽我們就靜候佳音。

- Oh yea, come here.

- 就是你吧，過來。

Guys, I need your attention just for one second.

同學們，請安靜一下。

Hey!

嘿！

Shut up. We have a new student.

都給我閉嘴。我們有一個轉校生。

His name is um... Jose McDonald.

他的名字是，嗯…… Jose Macdonald。（西班牙語名，多見於墨西哥裔）

Yea, obviously.

嗯，沒錯。（看起來就像是墨西哥人）

Why don't you say Hi, Jose.

給大家打個招呼吧，Jose。

Right on man, you're gonna fit in perfectly.

不錯，你會喜歡上我們的班級的。

Why don't you take a seat in front of Bieber there?

你的座位就在Bieber前面。

You guys open up your Visions book to Chapter 14.

大家把書翻到第14章。

- Hey, I'm Taylor, Can I help you with something?

- 嘿，我叫Taylor，你怎麽啦？

- Ho-lah, I'm "Joezy".

- 你好，我叫…… “Joezy”。

- Isn't it pronounced as "Jose"?

- 這個名字不是應該讀作“Jose”嗎？（正確的西班牙語發音）

- Is that what you want it to be?

- 你想這樣叫我嗎？

So it's gonna be like our code word for "danger"?

例如把這個詞當做我們的暗號？

- What are you talking about?...

- 你在說什麽呢？……

- You know, I'll be "Hose A", you'll be "Hose B".

- 你知道的，那麽我的代號就叫“Jose”，你呢，就叫“Jose-B”。

- Are you okay?

- 你沒發燒吧？

- Taylor, zip it up and shut your face hole.

- Taylor，上課時候專心點！

These kids are trying to learn.

大家都在學習呢。

- Thanks a lot.

- 這下可好，太謝謝你了。

- You're welcome.

- 不用客氣。

- Hey Taylor, can I borrow your pencil sharpener?

- 嘿，Taylor，我可以借用一下你的卷筆刀嗎？

- Yea sure, Melvin.

- 當然了，Melvin。

Suspect will require a pencil sharpening tool to convert the writing stick into a weapon.

疑犯要用卷筆刀來把文具變成武器

By inserting the yellow thing into the green thing, the dull thing will turn into a sharp thing.

將黃色的物體插入綠色物體，使鈍器變利器。

He will then proceed to jump behind his target while she is pre-occupied,

然後他會趁她不註意的時候跳到身後，

and apply a fatal impending weapon into her jugular artery!

並且用尖銳的武器插入她的大動脈！

- There you go.

- 來，給你。

- Give the sharpener back.

- 把卷筆刀還回來。

- What's your problem?

- 你腦袋有問題啊？

- What do you take me for, a fresh--man?

- 你以為我幼稚到這種地步嗎？

Give the sharpener back.

馬上還回來！

- Jose, what are you doing?

- Jose，你這是要幹嘛？

- Fine, Jeez.

- 還就還唄……

- What was that all about Jose?

- 你怎麽能這樣呢？

- Don't worry, I got you. "Hose B".

- 別擔心，我會看好你的，“Jose-B”。

- Alright, class, that's it.

- 好啦，同學們，下課了。

Remember, Chapter 15! Read it... or not, it's your future.

記得回去讀第15章！別把自己的前途不當一回事。

Oh by the way, pop quiz next week! You guys know the drill.

順便一提，下周會有突擊測驗！好自為之吧。

Oh, Taylor, I'll need to speak with you after class, if you have a moment.

對了，Taylor，我要找你談談。

Good work today, guys. I was kidding.

今天幹的不錯同學們。好吧我只是說說而已，別當真了。

Remember these days, kids. You will miss them.

記住現在的美好時光吧，以後可就沒這麽好過了。

See you tomorrow!

明天見！

Hey, Taylor, I want to talk to you about the... the homecoming dance.

嘿，Taylor，我想跟你談談畢業舞會。

I know it is kinda a thing that you are planning with the student council.

我知道你跟學生會都在很緊張地籌備，

But we do have a lot of volunteering that is coming up, you know,

不過馬上還有很多重要的義工活動需要你參加，

make sure you still have time to do that.

別弄得太累了。

- No, definitely, it should be fine.

- 沒問題。

We are almost done planning.

我們都已經準備得七七八八了。

- Okay alright, I trust you. You're not like the other bastards in this class.

- 那就好，我相信你。你在班裏是數一數二的，

You're the good one.

你最有前途。

- Thanks, I appreciate it. Is that it?

- 謝謝誇獎，老師。還有別的東西嗎？

- Alright I'll see you later. - Bye.

- 沒了，咱們明天見吧。 - 再見！

- Don't you ever do that again.

- 以後別再讓我看到你這樣做了。

- Excuse me?

- 什麽？

- I said, don't you ever do that again.

- 我說，以後你別再讓我看到你這樣做了。

Keeping Taylor in the room alone is not safe.

把Taylor一個人留在教室裏是很危險的。

- Oh yea, I forgot, you are right.

- 哦！當然，你說的很對。

I didn't know what I was thinking otherwise I'll be... Who the hell are you?

我一時自己都忘了，不然的話…… 你以為你是哪根蔥？！

- Well, I am the new kid, remember?

- 我，我是那個轉校生，記得嗎……

You just introduced me.

你剛剛才介紹過我的……

- Get the hell out of my class!

- 滾出我的教室！

- I am glad that we had this talk.

- 很高興能把話說清楚。

- Hey there, son.

- 嘿，你在這兒呢。

I am glad I found you.

終於找到你了。

I hope you enjoyed your first day of school so far.

希望你學期的第一天過得還算不錯。

I just wanted to give you your new locker assignment.

我來告訴你你的儲物櫃子在那裏吧。

Actually, you are quite lucky, a new one just opened up the other day.

事實上，你很走運，這兩天剛好有一個儲物櫃空出來了。

- Oh, hey!

- 噢，嘿！

Wow, your locker is next to mine.

哇，你的櫃子就在我的旁邊呢。

I wonder where Billy went.

不知道Billy上哪兒去了呢？

- Yea, strange huh, Ha ha ha ha...

- 對呀，這可神了，哈哈哈哈……

- Well if we gonna see each other this much,

- 看來我們以後都會天天見面了呢，

why don't we just start over?

不如我們重新來自我介紹一下吧。

Hi, Jose, I'm Taylor. Nice to meet you.

你好，Jose，我叫Taylor，很高興認識你。

- Nice to meet you too.

- 我也很高興認識你。

- It's called a handshake, Jose.

- 這叫握手啊，Jose。

You're so silly, it's like you've never made a friend before.

你好笨哦，怎麽好像都沒交過朋友一樣。

- "You will follow orders!" - "Ahhh..."

- “你會聽從命令！” - “啊……”

- Hey Taylor!

- 嘿，Taylor！

- Oh hey, what's up, how are you?

- 噢，是你啊，最近怎樣？

- I'm good. Did you finish that paper in English?

- 還好。你寫好英文的作業了嗎？

- No, not yet, it is due soon? In two days...

- 還沒呢，還有兩天就要交了呢……

Suspect from across the hall examines his target, his eyes indicate he is aiming for the most exposed and vital area, her chest.

疑犯從走廊對面監視著目標，他的註意力集中在她最暴露和可致命的胸部上。

Only 3 steps away from pumping her with barrages of bullet punches straight to her ribcages that will no doubt stop her heart forever for life!

僅僅3步之遙，他就能夠迸發出一系列拳擊打斷肋骨甚至波及心臟！

- What are you looking at?!

- 你在看什麽呢？！

- Bye Jose!

- 再見，Jose！

- Bye!

- Bye！

- I said, what were you looking at?

- 我說，你剛才在看什麽呢？

- Chill out, Man, I'm just checking out Taylor's rack, she is looking especially hot today.

- 冷靜一點，我只是在覺得她的胸部今天特別迷人。

- Her rack?

- 她的胸部？

- Yea, man, her knockers.

- 對呀，她的胸部。（此處發音像“打她”）

- So you were trying to knock her!

- 你果然是想要攻擊她！

- No, man, I am talking about her boobs!

- 什麽？不！我在說她的胸部！

- You know, these things?

- 挺拔的胸部！

- Oh, okay then, as long as you were not looking at that ribcage.

- 噢，好吧。你休想打她肋骨的主意。

You stay the hell away from that ribcage!

你最好離那副肋骨遠遠的！

- Bryson! New guy!

- Bryson！那個新來的！

- I'm gonna destroy you!

- 我會把你打得很慘！

Your face is gonna be so ugly when I am done with your face, cause... it's kinda handsome right now.

你的臉蛋一會兒就肯定腫的不成人樣，因為現在居然還有點帥氣。

Ah.....!

啊……！

- I wasn't ready! I want a rematch!

- 我剛才沒有準備好！我要再比一次！

Target is greatly outnumbered by opposition, each of them possesses some sort of netted-stick weapon.

目標被重重包圍，寡不敵眾，所有敵人均手持著某種網狀鐵棒武器！

Surrounded and unaware, she is vulnerable to attacks from all directions!

她還完全沒有註意到她的周圍危機四伏！

- Jose? Where did you come from?

- Jose？你從哪裏鉆出來的？

- You almost took a shuttlecock to the face.

- 你差點就被羽球打到臉了。

- But how did you...?

- 但是你怎麽……

- What are you doing?! Come on! Let me go!

- 你這是幹嘛，快放開我！

How did I even get here?! Let me go! Come on!

居然神不知鬼不覺就把我綁起來了，快幫我松綁！

- How did you do that?

- 你到底是怎麽做到這一切的？

- He's like... incredibly fast and strong.

- 他似乎有閃電般的速度和無法比擬的力量。

- He's like a mystical creature that is fast and strong.

- 他還有點神秘。

- I know, right? He's like a... a unicorn!

- 我知道了，他就像一個…… 獨角獸！

- But a human... a "humacorn".

- 可是他外表是人…… 啊，“獨角人獸”！

- Stop it guys, he's just different.

- 別瞎掰了，他只是有點不同而已。

- He's a freak.

- 他是個怪胎。

- I don't know, I think he is kinda cute the way he takes everything so seriously.

- 嗯…… 但我覺得他還蠻可愛的，他把所有的事情都看得很認真呢。

- It's kinda creepy... don't you think?

- 這不是很令人毛骨悚然嗎？

- He's harmless, he's like a little puppy that just wants all your attention.

- 我覺得他善意的，他只是想引人註目而已，就跟剛出生的小狗一樣。

- A "humacoruppy"!

- 啊，難道他是一只“獨角人狗獸”？

- You girls are ridiculous. Let's go.

- 你們越說越離譜了。咱們走吧。

- I think Taylor has a crush.

- Taylor一定是看上那男的了。

"High school students are the most dangerous and misunderstood citizens that you will ever come across!"

“這裏的高中生將會是你遇到過的最危險和棘手的對手！”

- What happened?

- 發生什麽事了？

- Slippery floors...

- 地板太滑了……

- What?

- 什麽？

- Probably didn't see the "Piso Mojado" sign...

- 肯定是他們都沒能讀懂那個用西班牙語寫的“小心地滑”標誌……

- What?

- 什麽？

- Yea, let's just...

- 好啦，我們趕緊吧……

- But what about my...

- 但是我的同學……

- Uhh... yea, so I hope you have a good first day at school.

- 嗯，希望你今天過得還順心吧。

- You're still alive, so it's a great day.

- 你還活著呢，這真是一個奇跡般的一天！

- Okay, I'll see you later.

- 好吧。那我們再見咯。

Oh, are you coming this way too?

噢，你也走這邊嗎？

- Hey, so I was talking to Mr. Anderson about the event coming right after homecoming.

- 嘿，我今天跟老師談了那個關於畢業舞會前後的活動。

I am gonna need a lot of help planing that event. I don't know how...

我想我需要更多的人手來幫忙策劃……

- No...!

- 別……！

- Ah..! Oh my god!

- 啊……！我的天啊！

Get out of my room!

滾出我的房間！

- Don't throw things... No!

- 別丟東西了好不好……

- Get away from me! Ah...!

- 快走開！啊……！

- Alright, I am not gonna hurt you.

- 別鬧了！我不會傷害你的。

You just need to... just calm down, Okay?

你冷靜一下好不好？

- Okay...

- 哦……

- Are you trying to get yourself killed?

- 你是不是很想被謀殺？

Did you know what you just almost did but didn't do because I didn't let you do what you wanted to do?

你知道你剛才差點做了什麽事情嗎？幸好我及時阻止了你！

- Yes?

- 這不廢話麽？

- No! You don't!

- 不！你很明顯不知道！

Do you know what this is?

你知道這是什麽嗎？

This is Little Miss Double Rainbow Girly Cookies and you almost eat them all the way.

這是“迷你兩條彩虹小姐的娘泡曲奇”，而你差點就全吃了！

You don't even know who has handled this or who could have poisoned this.

你根本不知道這到底經過誰的手，萬一被下毒了怎麽辦？

- What?

- 什麽？

- Look, I've been trying to stay undercover but you are making this too damn difficult.

- 你看，我本來想盡量保持低調地來保護你，不過你真是讓我覺得太頭疼了。

First, first you handed over a pencil sharpener to someone with a pencil.

首先，你居然把卷筆刀親手送上了一個握著鉛筆的人手裏。

Do you wanna get stab in the neck?

你真的那麽想被鉛筆插傷嗎？

And then, you almost took a shuttle cock to your face. Do you know how much that hurts?

然後，你差點就被羽球打到臉。你知道那有多痛嗎？

Have you ever have a shuttle cock to your face before? No, you haven't. It hurts, I know.

看來你從來都沒被羽球打到過臉！那是很痛的！我以親身經歷告訴你！

Now you are eating cookies, you're eating cookies! Do you wanna get poisoned?...And fat?

現在呢，你倒開始吃曲奇餅了，你那麽想被下毒和變胖麽？

Your carelessness is driving me insane!

你那神經大條的性格真是讓我氣瘋了！

- I am driving you insane?

- 我把你氣瘋了？！

My friends are right.. you are a freak...

我的朋友說對了，你就是一個怪胎……

I know exactly what you are...

我知道你的真實身份……

- Oh you do, alright then say it, say it out loud.

- 你知道啊，那說說看啊？

- Unicorn...

- 獨角獸……

- What? Unicorns don't even exist, in North America, probably.

- 哈？獨角獸根本不存在，反正北美洲是沒見到過。

- Then who... What are you?

- 那麽你到底是誰？你到底是什麽？

- Alright look, I am gonna be completely honest with you.

- 好吧，我打算跟你攤開來說了。

I'm not really a Mexican. My name is not Jose, it's Aiden.

我其實不是墨西哥人，我的名字不是Jose。我的真名是Aden。

And I'm an A.S.S.

我是一名A.S.S.特工 （此處可理解為“賤人”或者“屁股”）

- Yea, you are.

- 沒錯，你就是個賤人。

- No, you don't understand. Look, I am in the final stages of becoming an Agent of Secret Stuff.

- 不對，你不明白。我馬上就要成為一名“秘密東西特工”了。

And my last mission was to come here and protect you.

我最後一個任務就是來這裏保護你。

- Protect me? From who?

- 保護我？誰要打我的主意？

- The S.I.N.S.!

- 那些S.I.N.S.殺手！ （此處可理解為“所造的罪孽”）

- Is this all just to get me to go to church?

- 你不會是來說服我去教堂的吧？

- Oh my god... You're stupid.

- 天啊，你真是沒救了。