Oh my god!

我的媽啊

Oh... ok...

天啊

Wait! Why are you taking your shirt off? Is that necessary?

《女同志第一次觸碰陰莖》

I'm feeling very nervous.

呃 你為什麼要脫襯衫? 有必要嗎?

Like I've been public speaking, and I hate public speaking, nearly got hit by a car

我好緊張

and this is definitely the most nervous I've ever been.

我曾經演講過 我討厭在台上演講

So... I've... never... I can't talk! Never touched a penis!

曾差點被車撞

I've never, ever, ever, ever touched a penis before.

這是我一生中最緊張時候了

I've never touched a penis before.

我從來都沒有...

I should not be nervous to do this. It's just a body.

我真的無法談 "陰莖", 從沒碰過陰莖

I feel like I've gone thought my whole life trying to avoid this moment!

我從來... 一直一直一直都沒有碰過陰莖

I feel like it's gonna feel like, you know, when you go to the vet and your cat has to get, like, an injection

我沒碰過陰莖

so they'll shave the fur off the cat. And then it's like the loose skin, but like a bag of raisins.

我不應該這麼緊張的

I think it will be like a snake!

它只是身體的一部分

It's not hard right?

我覺得我全身上下都在避免碰到這樣的事情

Oh it's softer than I thought it would be!

我覺得感覺應該像是去獸醫院一樣...

I'm shaking...

醫生為了要幫貓打針會幫牠剃毛

*laughs*

就是那塊地方的感覺 只是它很軟

Alright!

看起來應該跟蛇很像

I notice that there is a lot of like... Hair going on, so it's nice.

你應該沒硬吧?

It feels like Play-Doh... That's been warmed up.

哦 這比我想像的更柔軟!

It's a lot harder than I expected. Like, Not that it's like hard as in like.. you have a boner! But it's like... hard.

你東西在抖嗎?

It feels like when I was a butcher and I would stuff the turkey necks

喔 所以現在知道你這裡也有很多毛 很不錯

with the corn on the cob for Christmas.

這摸起來像是黏土 加熱過的那種

Like I didn't think balls would be that big...

比想像中硬一些 但我說的不是勃起的那種硬

...a little bit like a noodle.

但確實是硬的

It feels like a hot dog, like, if you went to a picnic

那感覺像是我之前在肉店工作

and then you left the hot dog out

聖誕節的時候用玉米塞進火雞脖子的觸感

and then you went back and then you were like,

我沒想到蛋蛋會這麼大顆

"Oh this hot dog is still okay, but it's a little hard."

有點像薯條

Like, not like the noodle you play in the water with, but like the noodle you get, like at an Italian restaurant.

這就像你去野餐的時候不小心把熱狗弄掉了

*laughs*

然後你去撿起來 以為還可以吃

It feels like my vagina. It's just skin. That's all it is.

但它卻變硬了

So you could like move it all around - it doesn't hurt?

但不是法式薯條那種　(註:法式薯條較軟)

Oh my God! Look at it, like, go back and forth.

比較像是義式速食店的那種油炸薯條

Oh my God...that's not what I thought it would feel like at all.

就像是我陰道 只是皮膚 這樣而已

*sighs* I feel relieved!

它可以擺弄各種角度 你不會痛嗎?

Alright, I think I've had enough.

喔 該死 還可以前後晃欸

I will probably never do this again.

它摸起來跟我想像的完全不一樣

I am definitely a lesbian.

真是鬆了一口氣

It was very eye-opening, and I really appreciate you letting me touch your [bleep].

我覺得已經受夠了

I'm gonna call my mom.

我絕對不會想再嘗試一次了

Mom (phone): "Hi honey..."

我絕對是一個女同

Guess what I....guess what I just did for Bria and Chrissy's video?

這經驗很有收穫 謝謝你讓我摸你的***

I touched a penis for the first time ever.

我要打電話給我媽

Mom (phone): *gasps* "Oh my God.."

妳猜猜我幫BriaAndChrissy拍了什麼影片

I will keep my distance. Schlong will stay over here. I will stay over here.

我的第一次碰陰莖

What do you think are you proud of me?

哦 Oh My God

Mom (phone): "I'm shocked."

我會保持我的距離 Shaun會待在那裏 我則待在這

It's just a body part it's not out to get me.

"你會為我感到驕傲嗎?" "如何!!"

It was a gay boy penis and it was a nice one...

就只是人體的一部分 它不會改變我的

You're a beautiful creature, and I respect you for being a beautiful creature..

是一個Gay的陰莖 而且他長得很可愛

you're just a beautiful creature that I don't ever want to...engage with.

你是個美麗的生物 我也很專重你的這份美麗

Even if I had wanted a penis before - because some women do -

只是我從來沒有想要和你的東西發生關係

like we think about it, and I do dream about having a penis an awful lot...

假設我真的想要陰莖 因為有些女生會想像

it feels good in a dream, but

有時候我也會夢到我有陰莖 雖然在夢裡有陰莖的感覺很好

I feel like experiencing it, it just kind of flops around,

但真的有根東西在那裏晃來晃去

and I don't know if I would like that.

那不是我喜歡的感覺

Appreciate, not procreate.

我很喜歡 但它不能生育

It's healthy and it's normal to celebrate everybody's body for what it is,

讚美別人的身體是很正常也很健康的事情

but it doesn't mean you have to be attracted to it.

但並不是因此就會被這個器官吸引

"oh...gotta go..."

oh 掰了

*laughs*

(燦笑)

There not as soft as I thought they were gonna be...

《男同志第一次觸摸胸部》

Just squishy.

Like a dead one at the beach or something and it's just kinda flopping around.

It feels meaty.

...the slab of meat.

I can like make a steak out of this.