let me check my phones charging

because I've done that before and that's a bloody ball ache!

Hi! So,

in today's video I thought it would be nice to- oh God.

It's gonna be one of those videos where the sun comes in and goes away again.

It's gonna drive me crazy!

Why you doin' this?

Nooooo, okay its going- no its not. F*ck it.

Not too long ago I did a video called... Questions I've Never Answered, or something like that,

and you guys loved it, I loved filming it,

erm, and I did say I was gonna do a part two,

so guess what!?

It's part two time.

First question is from Rebecca, who says,

"Would you still be a YouTuber if it wasn't your job and you didn't get paid for it?"

And the answer to that question is, very simply, yes, I would still be making videos if it wasn't my job and I didn't get paid,

because for a really long time, that is what I did it for.

Erm, I had previous jobs whilst I started doing YouTube, and I was getting paid no money for YouTube at all,

and I still enjoyed it just as much as I enjoy it now, so I know for sure if they took away any chance of making money from views, or...

I dunno, I lost...

11 million subscribers, I would still make videos,

because I still really enjoy it.

The fact that I'm able to make money from it is a huge, huge bonus,

but that's not what drives me to make videos.

Jess said, "If you had gone to uni, what would you have studied?"

This one's a little bit difficult because I was a very lost teen.

I did not know what i wanted to do. There was a lot of areas I enjoyed in school,

and there was a lot of subjected that I liked,

i.e., photography, art, and textiles.

I felt a bit lost because the things I enjoyed were very creative, and...

I didn't feel as though I knew the different pathways I could go

with those creative, kind of, loves of mine.

It was almost like, 'Okay if I like textiles, does that mean I have to be a fashion designer?

If I like photography I have to be a photographer.'

Erm...

and I guess that could have just been my lack of research,

or possibly just lack of careers advice in school, I'm not really sure.

I've just personally felt very lost being a creative person and not knowing exactly

what I wanted to do within those creative fields.

I did actually go to a couple of interviews for...

was it art or textiles?

I feel like it was art?

I can't actually remember. Maybe it was textiles, I think it was fashion design or something.

And I went to the interviews,

and it was actually in the interview that I realised, I didn't want to do fashion design. Basically in the interview they were like,

"Tell us why you would be great here and why you are so passionate about this." And I struggled.

And I was like, I don't really know if I am. I just feel like I've been, like, cornered into this direction,

and that was like the biggest eye opener, because in that interview I realised,

a, uni was not for me, and b, I didn't know what I wanted to do,

which was one of the biggest reasons uni wasn't for me, because I was like,

if I don't know what I wanna do, there's no point going to uni and racking up, like,

a huge student loan that I will need to pay off in the career I have no idea what- what is going to be.

So, to answer your question, Jess, I don't know

if I'd gone to uni what I would have studied, because...

I never really got to that point.

I thought I did. But I didn't.

Things I do enjoy are interior design, which I did go on to do an apprenticeship with instead of going to uni.

I dunno! I- It would have definitely been a creative subject.

I just wish I had researched more into different areas of those creative subjects.

*door bell rings*

Oh no, there's someone at the bloody door!

Filming a Q&A!

Channy said, "Do you feel that sometimes you want to live a life without YouTube and fame or otherwise?

The really short answer to this is, yes. Sometimes I would like to live that life,

but it's so deep and complex,

and the sun is so bright, damn it.

Like I said in my other video,

it's- this is such a strange topic. I was actually talking to my friend about this the other day.

And I feel ungrateful...

ever saying I don't enjoy...

the perks that have come with what I do.

It makes me feel ungrateful. And I can't help that.

And I know there'll be so many people that say,

'Of course you're allowed to have days where you don't enjoy being stopped,'

or 'Of course you're allowed to have days where you wish people didn't turn up at your house and ask for selfies.' And, like,

'Of course you're allowed to feel those things, because you never knew they would happen to you.'

But...

I still hate saying them out of my mouth. I hate...

people thinking I'm ungrateful. Because I am eternally grateful

for everything that has come out of doing this.

But of course, I would be lying if I did not say that sometimes I wish it was slightly different.

I dunno. If I'm having, like, an off day,

and I just wish my life was different for that day, or..

something happens, and I'm like,

'This is a result of what I do and I wish that didn't happen.'

But of course,

I would never change anything. I would never change how this journey has happened, or,

any of the, like,

amazingly positive, happy experiences, and

things I've been able to do, but of course there are days where...

I struggle with it.

Um...

and, yeah.

A couple of years ago,

I actually very nearly stopped. Like,

altogether stopped.

I don't think anyone would have guessed it.

Because I still vlogged, and if I wasn't vlogging, I was probably in Alfie's vlog because he films every day.

And...

I really struggled. Like, really, really struggled. I think it was the lowest point-

yeah, like, one of the lowest points of my entire life.

And it wasn't about...

this whole thing. It was more about...

me not feeling like I could handle it, or that

I was worthy of it, or...

um, and, like, the pressure of everything just got so much.

Like, I was put on this pedestal, and,

reminded daily that I was a role model, and you shouldn't do that, and you should be saying this,

and you should do that, and all those things can feel so suffocating,

um, that I nearly stopped.

Like, I was just like,

in fact, my manager was like,

'It's your call. Do you wanna pull the plug?' And I was like, 'I need to think about it.'

And that's crazy to me, that I was that close...

to stopping this. Because I wanted to just be Zoe, I think.

In that moment I got so suffocated by

everything that was going on, and, you know, am I really cut out for this? Like,

I'm quite a...

I'm a small gal from a little village, and all of a sudden it's just like, whoa, this is a lot. And...

I said no to everything, I didn't wanna do anything anymore,

and I kind of, like, retreated a bit. And...

that was a- that was hard. Because I love doing this so much.

But it was like, the more I was doing it,

the more followers I got, the more-

everything became more and more and more, and I was like,

I- I genuinely just woke up and was like, I don't want to have this many subscribers.

I- I want to go back to...

having, like, one million. One million was such a comfy, cosy-

like, that sounds so ridiculous because to some people, they could only ever dream of having a million subscribers.

But it was like, I was-

my subscribers kept growing and growing and growing, and that terrified me.

Because I was like,

If my life is already a little bit more crazy than I can handle at this many,

what's it gonna be like if it carries on growing?

And would just be like, 'I just wish I had...

a million again. Like, I just want, like, a safe number.'

Um...

Obviously now my head space is completely different. But...

yeah. I don't want anyone to, like, judge me for that.

Because I know there's gonna be people that's like, 'Oh, it's not hard, it's not hard.'

And yeah, there's always gonna be people that think, 'How could you have felt like that?' You know,

like, and I get that. And there's nothing you can say to those people.

'Cause they will always think that way. But...

if you were living as me through that time,

I think that's the only way you could have ever known what it was really like.

I don't even think, like, my friends and family really knew,

because it was all in my head.

One really cool thing that did come out of that, though,

was that I...

when I was at this point where I was struggling with the, like,

fame stuff, I hate the word 'fame,' and, like, 'famous', but,

when I was struggling with that stuff, um,

Cameron Diaz actually Skyped me.

*shouts hello* Hey!

I'm just filming!

And that is something I have never shared before. But, it was...

such a huge help. She...

Skyped me for, like, an hour and a half, and we just talked. And she,

like, coached me. She basically gave me the best tips

that I have carried with me in order to...

get back to a good place, I think. And also just to put some perspective on it all. Like,

it is weird being well-known. It's weird. It's not something that you can learn anywhere.

So to have her give up some of her time to speak to me...

meant the world to me. And she is honestly one of just the loveliest people in the world.

And now I am much more confident. I am much more happy, I'm much more settled. I feel like...

my mind hadn't quite caught up with the speed everything was happening. But now I feel like

I'm there. We're matched.

And I've learned not to really care anymore.

You know? It's my life,

I can choose to live it how I want to live it.

If you're another content creator and you're struggling with, like, being stopped in the street or, like, being well-known,

hit me up. Because I actually have- I've learned a lot of things.

Does that make me sound really, like,

big-headed? I don't think so. I think I've just, like, experienced it, so I can share my, like,

I can share my journey, I guess. And that might help other people. Because just like Cameron did with me,

I feel like I might be able to help other people if they were experiencing that also. I dunno.

I think it's nice to share that...

experience and knowledge.

Because it's not something you can really Google. *chuckles*

That was a really long answer. I'm sorry.

Whitney said, 'What's your blood type?'

D'you know?

I don't know.

Should you know what your blood type is?

Mum? Dad? Do you know what my blood type is?

I probably should know that.

I'm just filming a Q and A.

[Alfie:] Ah!

I've had the most amount of distractions in this video.

[Alfie:] Sorry. I thought you were just chatting to yourself.

No.

*laughs* When do I ever just sit and chat to myself?

AdoringJasper says "Do you ever regret doing things off YouTube, like books, beauty products etc.?

Have you ever felt like you've lost focus on YouTube?"

I do not regret doing those things because some of those things have been the most exciting...

big projects.

It's quite nice to have things to work on, like ongoing things to work on

with, like, deadlines and, um,

big, like, releases and...

things that I'm able to also share with people

offline.

Do you know what I mean? Like, I quite like that there's that difference, you know?

You've got the online thing and then you've got little pieces of you that you're able to share with other people.

And I really like that aspect.

Those things are great because you have to be on the ball, and I think those things have

given me more experience and knowledge of owning a business.

And I think those things have been really fulfilling for, like, my mid-twenties.

So, I've enjoyed that, and I've enjoyed...

kind of, more of the, like, running business side of things, and like,

how different that is to sitting down and making a video.

But I don't think it's ever made me lose focus of YouTube.

YouTube is always, like, my fun, kind of thing.

I enjoy this. Like, this doesn't feel like work to me.