To the person being – however nicely – rejected,

對被發好人卡的人來說，友情的承諾就像是

the promise of friendship can feel like an emotionally-reassuring consolation prize.

讓情緒放心的安慰獎，我們可能沒辦法再

We may no longer be able to share their bed, have children with them or end our days in their company,

跟他們一起共享一張床，擁有共同的小孩，或是在他們的公司度過一天，不過至少

but at least something can be rescued from the ashes: we will continue to be able to call them when we like,

我們還是可以從灰燼中逃脫：我們想要的時候，還是可以繼續打給他們

share our fears and go to the movies together.

訴說我們的恐懼，然後一起去看電影，而對發好人卡的人來說

To the person performing – however nicely – the execution, the promise of friendship is equally attractive.

友情的承諾也是相當吸引人的，我們可能恨不得把這個伴侶

We may be itching to eject the partner but we are not – for that matter – devoid of feeling.

驅逐出境，但我們並不是沒有感覺，我們

We are, as we might say in sentimental moments, extremely fond of the soon-to-be ex.

就像是在感性時刻講的，超級喜歡快變成前任的人，我們只是不想

We just don’t want to end our time on earth with them, let alone reject all sexual possibilities in their name.

結束跟他們在一起的時間，更不用說拒絕所有跟他們有關的性行為的可能性

Furthermore, we are deeply attached to the idea that we’re not monsters.

而且，我們都深深地知道我們並不是怪物

And as we know, nice people always try to be friends with their exes.

而且就我們所知，好人都會試著跟他們的前任當朋友，這些論點聽起來蠻明智的

The arguments may sound wise but, from close up, they are deeply fraught and in their own way, a catastrophe for both sides.

但是近距離看的話，這樣其實非常讓人擔心，而且對雙方都是災難

For the rejected party, the step from lover to friend is an eternally humiliating demotion.

對被拒絕的一方來說，從愛人退回朋友是個永久而且丟臉的

To go from the idea of a joint life-long future to a dinner every second Thursday is, to put it mildly, a come down.

降級，說好聽一點就是從一個長期生活的概念變成每個月第二個星期四的晚餐約會

Worse, every sighting of the ex is guaranteed to re-ignite hope and then further insult.

更糟的是，每次見到前任就一定會又燃起希望

One isn't acquiring a friend, more an unwitting torturer.

然後又遭到更深的羞辱，他並不是需要朋友，而是一個不知情的虐待者

As for the executing party, the ex is a constant reminder of guilt and ruthlessness.

而提分手的一方來說，前任不斷的提醒著他們的自責以及無情

One can't even relax into being kind, lest one's intentions be misread and,

他們甚至沒辦法輕鬆地善待前任，以免他們誤會

after a few drinks, they burst into tears or attempt to make a move.

然後可能在幾杯黃湯下肚之後，他們就突然哭起來然後企圖有所行動

The idea of trying to be friends constitutes a touching attempt to honour the best sides of a relationship

試著當朋友的這個想法被看做是一個嘗試尊敬這段

in which two people invested heavily.

兩人都盡情投入的關係最好的一面

Lovers can't, so the thought goes simply vanish from each other's lives after all that; a friendship is invoked to memorialise an episode of genuine importance.

畢竟情侶是沒辦法輕易的從彼此的生命中消失的，友情因此被喚起以紀念

But, looked at more dispassionately, friendship isn't in any real sense faithful to love.

這個篇章的重要性，但是在沉著一點看，友情根本沒有一點

Friendship with an ex

對愛的忠誠，與前任的友情會對兩人關係之間回憶的高度

does a grave disservice both to the memory of the relationship at its height and the merits of intimate friendship.

還有親密友情之間的優點，兩者都造成嚴重的傷害

It's at once a betrayal of everything a good relationship was and a slight on the ideals of friendship,

一旦破壞了好的關係，並對一個理想的朋友關係表示冷漠，

which shouldn't be built out of the remnants of another, more ardent condition.

但那個朋友關係又不能建立在愛情的殘餘之中，形成更強烈的狀態

What we should replace love with isn't friendship but that far more honest state: civil distance.

需要代替愛情的並不是友情，而是那個真實的情況：禮貌上的距離

That and a real assurance that the relationship, in its best and most enduring light,

那個關係的保證，會用最好也最持久的亮度，

will always live on in the one place it can safely always do so: memory.

會永遠安全的活在那個地方：記憶中