my name's Malcolm I'm a special constable in Perthshire currently working out of Pitlochry

I'm Carol Mapely I'm from the National Trans Police Association

my name's Frazer Robertson I'm an acting sergeant working in the Edinburgh area

I'm Wendy Callan and I'm a special police constable and I work in the Falkirk area

hello I'm Graham Thomson I'm a police constable working in Dundee

my name's Elliot and I'm a community police officer working in Edinburgh

my name's Becky I'm a police officer and I work in Edinburgh

hello my name's Stuart I'm a sergeant in the CPT in the west end of Glasgow

hi I'm Graham I work in IT for the Scottish Police I'm based in Glasgow

when I grew up at school I was a bit of a swaty kid

I was always the quiet kid

I did everything I could to fit in to be honest

maybe more boyish activities I suppose

my dad died when I was quite young so growing up with just my mum looking after me could

be quite a struggle at times

I was quite academic I was very into school and I liked going to school

growing up I was always really active always out and about

my home town was very a rural place only about three thousand people stayed there

I think I've always known I've been a bit different from my early teens

I suppose I really knew that I was gay when about the time that I went to move up to secondary

school

I first suspected I was a bit different when I was about seven or eight and I began to

feel very very uneasy about being a boy thought actually perhaps I should have been a girl

I've always known certainly not maybe that I was gay but I've certainly always known

that I was slightly different

I started suspecting that I might be gay in my early teens

I think I realised I was gay when I was around about eleven

I think in my heart of hearts I always knew that I was gay but it wasn't until I was about

fourteen that I'd started to accept that

I started to realise that maybe I was a little bit different at quite a young age I just

wasn't ever interested in chasing after the boys in the playground

I first knew I was gay around about second or third year of secondary school

I guess I knew I was gay when I started High school

I always used to laugh growing up because still to this day my gran knits shawls for

the grandchild she is hoping to have

I suppose the expectations from family and friends when I was growing up was that just

to fit in and just to be normal

go to Kirk every Sunday that was one of the things that was expected of me I had a very

very strict childhood

there was an expectation that I would grow up and I would have a wife and kids and the

dog and the white picket fence and that was what was expected

I was also expected to have a boyfriend and probably by this time was expected to be married

and maybe with kids

mum would always talk about having grandchildren and getting married and settling down

while I was growing up my sister would often bring boyfriends home and that would prompt

my family particularly my grandma she'd be like when are you going to bring a boyfriend

home

I didn't really know anyone else who was gay when I was growing up the only people I knew

who were gay were off the television

there was quite derogatory, negative images

overly effeminate males and probably what can be described as butch females

the perception I had of gay people when I was younger it was almost like joke characters

they were quite effeminate

there weren't any role models there weren't any normal people normal famous people who

also happened to be gay

when I was growing up I though that all lesbians were sort of big butch horrible people who

just didn't have any friends and that's how they were how they were

when I grew up I never knew any other gay people my only images of gay people were those

on the television chat show hosts comedians etcetera

when I did know finally that I was gay I was quite cross with myself and disappointed in

myself because I felt like I couldn't fit in with everyone else

when my feelings about it became more overt in the end it was like living in a pressure

cooker I couldn't keep the lid on it anymore

I was incredibly ashamed I think that's the one word I would use

I think I felt being gay was going to separate me from everybody that I loved

it was something that I had always been it didn't change my outlook on life I've never

known what its like to be a straight person

I kept thinking about being gay why me

I didn't set out to tell people it sort of crept out by dribs and drabs I've always lived

in quite small communities and in the smaller community you've got no secrets

I was incredibly worried that my parents were going to abandon me and say that we are ashamed

of you and don't want you to be part of the family

my girlfriend my very first girlfriend outed me to my parents

it was quite a weird day I had finally got so worked up and decided I was going to tell

mum I had her down to the house I was in an absolute state decided to tell her and once

I'd told her that I was gay her words to me were do you want a cup of tea son

because I think it's important with something like that that can be big news to somebody

that it was me who told them and it wasn't a rumour and they didn't hear from someone

else

I just blurted it out and that was that

I never got to tell my father he died when I was quite young so never got to tell him

I told my mother she didn't speak to me for the best past of fifteen years I told my divisional

commander in the police all he did was threw me out of his office and kicked me as I went

out the door

my parents initial reaction was quite negative and it was a big shock to everyone I think

I'd hid that part of my life quite well up until that point

I'm kind of lucky that I think I grew up in a time where there wasn't a huge problem I

grew up in the city and people's attitudes were very liberal

when I told my mum who was the first person I came out to she just looked at me and said

ah well tell me something I don't know everybody know it's quite obvious and I thought someone

could have told me it would have made things a lot easier

nothing really changed in the coming out process I still had my life still had my job one thing

that was positive and was really good for me was I was able to talk about my life talk

about what I was doing at home in my personal life at work with friends I wouldn't have

to lie to them and that felt so much better

when I did finally come out and tell people I found it a lot better I found I was a lot

more confident in myself It wasn't really a big deal nobody was really caring but it

meant I could have proper conversations with people about what I was up to at the weekend

about stuff outside my work what I was doing with my own life without having to think about

what I was saying without tripping myself up

I had to leave my job in fact I was sort of told to leave the police It was just one totally

horrible experience but that was then

my parents treated me quite differently after they found out I was gay at least initially

they weren't quite as touchy feely with me as they were before they avoided talking about

my romantic life at all

after I told mum our relationship didn't really change we were always very close and that

continued but I felt better in myself as I was no longer hiding the fact that I had a

partner or what I'd been doing at the weekend or who I was going on holiday with

I think I'm lucky having come out so young that nothing did change because there was

nothing to change this is what I've been since I was so young and for so long no there was

nothing to change

I think some members of my family were quite shocked but they were all quite understanding

so I was lucky in that respect but unfortunately I did end up losing a lot of my friends at

school who just didn't seem willing to accept the fact that apparently I had suddenly changed

by telling them who I really was

well all I can say is that I work with officers today who are Trans has it changed it's amazing

I look back at what happened to me back then it was appalling and I look at things now

I'm just gob-smacked things have changed so much and it's so positive now

I'm a lot happier content confident proud of who I am I think having gone from one end

of the spectrum to being deeply ashamed of being gay to the complete opposite where I

almost wear it like a badge of honour and if someone was to challenge that I'd be really

incensed by it and would fight that corner

thankfully my family have come round to the idea of me being gay and they are incredibly

supportive now it did take quite a few years and meeting

a partner of mine to understand that I can still have the life that they wanted for me

when I was little

things weren't great prior to me telling my family my parents in particular the day I

told them things started to get a lot better

if someone's bullying or harassing you deal with it its not to be tolerated it's not acceptable

choose someone you know and trust a teacher a youth worker a family member a friend

if you are experiencing homophobia you need to talk to someone speak to anyone you're

not alone speak to your teachers speak to us we're here to help

you need to talk to somebody you're not the only person

don't be ashamed don't take it to heart too much the people bullying you they're the people

with the issue

if somebody is suffering from bullying tell someone tell a friend tell a teacher tell

a relative tell me

it does get better

and it definitely does get better

it gets better

it gets better

it gets better

it does get better

it'll definitely get better

it really does get better

it does get better

it gets better in fact it gets a whole lot better