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  • One of the most important ways to calm down is the power to hold on.

    保持冷靜最重要的方法之一是要冷靜

  • Even in challenging situations to a distinction between what someone does and what they meant to do.

    即使遇到很惱人的情況,也要能夠清楚分辨別人實際上做了什麼事、跟他原本要做什麼

  • In law, the difference is enshrined in the contrasting concepts of murder and manslaughter.

    在法律上,這之間的不同有兩個相對應的概念:謀殺 vs. 誤殺

  • The result may be the same: the body is inert in a pool of blood.

    從結果看來也許是一樣的,那個人最後都倒在血泊中

  • But we collectively feel it makes a huge difference what the perpetrators intentions were.

    但我們都認為行為者的目的和動機不同非常重要

  • Motives are crucial.

    動機是很重要的

  • But unfortunately, we're seldom very good at perceiving what motives happened to be involved in the incidents that frustrate us.

    但不幸的是,我們常常無法清楚分辨行為背後的動機,尤其是遇到讓我們挫敗的情況時

  • We're easily and wildly mistaken.

    我們輕易地誤解別人

  • We see intention where there was none and escalate and confront when no strenuous or agitated responses are in fact warranted.

    我們看見一些其實並不存在的動機,並且加以放大、與之衝突對立,即使當時情況並不需要如此激動地回應

  • Part of the reason why we jump so readily to dark conclusions

    我們之所以會不加思索做出負面結論

  • and see plots to insult and harm us is a rather poignant psychological phenomenon:

    及看見侮辱或傷害我們的陰謀,其實是源自一個滿痛苦的心理因素:

  • Self-hatred.

    自我厭惡

  • The less we like ourselves,

    當我們愈不喜歡自己

  • the more we appear in our own eyes as really rather plausible targets for mockery and harm.

    我們在自己的眼中,就愈覺得自己可能成為嘲弄和傷害的目標

  • Why would a drill have started up outside just as we were settling down to work?

    為什麼我們一坐下來要工作,外面的電鑽就開始吵?

  • Why are the email not arrive even though we'll have to be in a meeting very soon?

    為什麼還沒收到 email,明明馬上就要開會了

  • Why would the phone operator be taking so long to find our details?

    為什麼電話接線員,要花這麼久時間確認我們的身分

  • Because there is, logically enough, a plot against us.

    因為——很合理地——有人設記針對我們的陰謀

  • Because we are appropriate targets for these kinds of things.

    因為,我們是這些負面事情的適當目標

  • Because we're the sort of people against whom disruptive drilling is legitimately likely to be directed.

    因為,他們就是喜歡在我們這種人附近使用電鑽

  • It's what we deserve. When we carry a background excess of self-disgust around with us,

    這是我們應得的。當過度的自我厭惡成為心理常態

  • operating just below the radar of conscious awareness,

    以這樣的自我意識來感知周遭

  • we'll constantly seek confirmation from the wider world that we really are the worthless people we take ourselves to be.

    我們就會持續從外在世界尋找佐證,證明我們正如自認為的那麼沒有價值

  • The expectation is almost always set in childhood

    這樣的認知,幾乎總是童年時期建立的

  • where someone close to us is likely to have left us feeling dirty and culpable.

    當親近的人讓我們覺得自己有瑕疵、有錯

  • And as a result we now travel through society assuming the worst.

    結果導致當我們活在社會中,總是做出最糟的預設

  • Not because it's necessarily true or pleasant to do so, but because it feels familiar.

    不是因為這預設必然正確、或者這樣很愉快,而是因為我們對這種情況感到熟悉

  • and because we're the prisoners of past patterns we haven't yet understood.

    也因為我們被囚困於過去的模式、而不自知。

  • We would be so much calmer around adults,

    有個方法,能讓我們在成人身邊比較平靜

  • if we could resort to some of the unflustered poised we naturally use around children.

    如果能以面對小孩時,那種自然流露的、 從容不迫的優雅來面對成人

  • Small children sometimes behave in really maddening ways.

    小孩的行為有時候真的很瘋狂

  • They scream at the person who's looking after them, angry push away a bowl of animal pasta,

    會對著照顧他們的人尖叫、生氣的砸翻一整碗義大利麵

  • throw away something you've just fetched for them.

    把你剛為他們撿的東西丟到一邊

  • But we rarely feel personally agitated or wounded by their behavior.

    但我們很少覺得他們的行為是針對我們、 而被激怒或感到受傷

  • And the reason is that we don't assign a negative motive or mean intention to a small person.

    原因是,我們不會認為他們是出於負面動機、或覺得小孩有惡意

  • We reach around for the most benevolent interpretations.

    我們會以善意的方式解讀小孩,

  • We probably think that they're just a bit tired, or their gums are sore, or they're upset by the arrival of a younger sibling.

    可能會想,他們只是有點累了、或是牙齦痛、或是不開心有弟弟妹妹出現

  • We've got a large repertoire of alternative explanations ready in our heads.

    我們的腦中準備了一大堆可能的解釋

  • And none of these lead us to panic or get terribly agitated.

    而沒有任何一個會讓我們慌張、或被嚴重激怒

  • This is the reverse of what tends to happen around adults.

    但如果是在成人身邊,我們的解釋方式通常正好相反

  • Here we imagine that people have deliberately got us in their sights.

    我們會覺得他們是故意針對我們

  • If someone edges in front of us in the airport queue it's natural to suppose

    如果機場的排隊隊伍中,有人在我們面前插隊

  • that they've sized this up and of reason that they can safely take advantage of us.

    我們會本能地預設他們估量了我們,而有某種原因讓他們安心地佔我們便宜

  • They probably relish the thought of causing us a little distress.

    並因為讓我們沮喪而感到得意

  • But if we employ the infant model of interpretation, our first assumptions would be very different.

    但如果我們用面對小孩的方式解釋,我們首先想到的預設會非常不一樣

  • We think that maybe they didn't sleep well that night, have a sore knee, or have been upset by their lover.

    我們會想,他可能昨晚沒睡好、或是膝蓋痛、或是跟戀人發生了不愉快

  • The French philosopher Inmilo Gustachtie, known as Alain,

    法國哲學家 Émile-Auguste Chartier 或大家熟知的阿蘭

  • was set to be the finest teacher in France in the first half of the 20th century.

    被譽為法國二十世紀上半葉最好的老師

  • And he developed a formula for calming himself and his pupils down in the face of irritating people.

    他發展了一種方式,讓自己和學生 在面對惱人的人時也能冷靜下來

  • "Never say that people are evil." He wrote.

    「絕不要說人們是邪惡的」他說

  • You just need to look for the pin.

    你只要找到那根針

  • What he meant was: look for the source of the agony that drives a person to behave in appalling ways.

    他的意思是:尋找是什麼痛苦的原因會讓這個人有這種作為

  • The calming thought is to imagine that they're suffering off stage in some area we can't see.

    最能讓人平靜的想法是,去想像他在我們看不見的地方痛苦著

  • To be mature is to learn to imagine this zone of pain in spite of the lack of much available evidence.

    當一個成熟的人,就是要去想像他擁有這種痛苦,即便我們看不到

  • They may not look as if they were mad and by an inner psychological element,

    他們也許看起來並不生氣,且因為內在的心理因素

  • they may seem chirpy and full of themselves, but the pin simply must be there or they would not be causing us harm.

    甚至看起來很快樂、很自大,但這根針一定存在,不然他不會傷害我們

  • When others madden us,

    當別人惹我們生氣時

  • we need to imagine the turmoil, disappointment, worry, and sadness beneath an aggressive surface.

    我們必須去想像他挑釁背後的混亂、失望、擔憂和悲傷

  • We need to aim compassion in an unexpected place at those who annoy us most.

    我們必須以同理心面對最惹惱我們的人

  • We must do that very strange thing: move from anger to pity.

    我們必須做一件很奇怪的事:將怒火轉為同情

One of the most important ways to calm down is the power to hold on.

保持冷靜最重要的方法之一是要冷靜

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B1 中級 中文 英國腔 面對 冷靜 小孩 心理 痛苦 成人

面對人群時,如何保持冷靜 (How to Remain Calm With People)

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    clara.english.0001 發佈於 2017 年 03 月 16 日
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