Are offered to us with an instruction manual.

說明這個我們不熟悉的機器如何運作、

A guide to how the unfamiliar machine works.

我們對它能有什麼期望、如何讓它展現最佳狀態、 以及如何解讀它發出的訊號。

What we can except from it!

這其中的預設是：有個方法能讓操作這機器 變得容易許多、也較不惱人，

How to get the best out of it!

那就是事先花一點時間， 有系統地、有耐心地了解這機器的運作方式，

And how to interpret its signals.

然而，有個領域，我們完全沒有使用說明書可參考： 其他人內在的運作方式

The assumption being,

這為我們帶來了巨大的災難。

that it would be so much easier and less enraging

我們在尚未真正了解彼此的怪癖所在之前， 就進入了一段情感關係，

to deal with this machine,

我們在不知情的狀況下繼續前進， 彷彿在途中就能依靠直覺學會對方的運作方式

when we have taken some time systematically and patiently

卻可能耗費痛苦的幾十年 --或更久-- 才終於了解最基礎的部分。

to learn, how it operates.

大部分的人以一種極端奇怪的方式運作，

And yet one area, when we tend not to have manuals to read

而且通常不會解釋這些瘋狂言行的根源。

is when it comes to other people and their functioning.

例如，他們通常不會解釋是因為童年發生的某個事件 而導致他們在機場發脾氣、尖叫

This causes us immense troubles.

或是對於權威感到質疑，或是拖延、不情願償還債務。

We going to relationship without any real sense

我們經常必須從外在行為推測背後可能的原因， 而且當事人又未能提供我們任何幫助。

of where the others peculiarities will lie

有時候，他們發出的訊號極度令人困惑，例如

and vice versa.

「去你的我真的不想見到你」可能意思是

We are wittingly proceed

「我好擔心你不要我了，而且開始產生報復的念頭」

as if operating another person might be an intuitive skill

「請你自己把衣服整理好、把碗盤收好」可能代表著

will just pick up along the way.

「我試圖在程序上控制你， 是因為我覺得在情感上跟你變得有點疏離」

It can take a painful decade or more

如果我們知道如何提早給對方一些使用說明， 那會節省非常多時間。

to work out the very basics.

如果我們能夠解釋： 「我感到受傷的時候，會變得冷漠」或者，

Mostly, human machines work in extremely odd ways.

「我很容易傾向服從別人，但又會因此感到怨恨」

And yet tend not to explain, the origins of their madness.

或者，「在我最脆弱的時刻，我會變得殘酷」

For example: They don't calmly lay out

或者，「我需要跟其他可能發展出愛情的人聊聊， 因為我覺得自己在妳面前變得毫無吸引力了」

that certain incidents in childhood

然而，取代這些說明的， 經常是在激烈衝突的過程中發現對方的弱點

have given them a disposition to shout at airport,

在他們可能會傷害到彼此的狀態下。

to be suspicious of authority

也因此，會讓對方看不見自己善意的出發點 -- 這原本是導向原諒的關鍵

or to be shifty in owning up to debts.

人們許多不同的行為模式，其實都有值得同情的起因，

We must work backwards, from outward behavior,

可是，一旦讓伴侶感覺受到羞辱， 他們的行為就很難被以仁慈的眼光看待。

to possible causes,

我們不需要對方是個完美的人，

without any help, from the machines themselves.

我們只需要他們能夠看見自己的弱點， 並在沒有衝突威脅的情況下，讓我們了解這些弱點

Sometimes, the signals are just completely confusing.

並且在相處良好的時刻裡， 為他們對我們帶來的困擾表達歉意。

"Fuck off, I really don't want to see you."

換句話說，伴侶所能帶給對方最棒、最有愛、 最奢華的一份禮物，就是

Turns out to mean:

一份「使用說明書」，說明自己那有點折磨人、有點怪 但終究總是值得被愛的 -- 靈魂。

I am so worried you don't want me

and I am getting in early with my revenge.

Please tidy away your clothes

and put away the dishes.

Might mean:

I am trying to control you procedurally

because I fell so out of touch with you emotionally.

We would save so much time

if we knew how to give one another manuals, early on.

If we could explain:

when I am hurt I go cold

or I am especially prone to be subservient,

but then, resentful

or I get brutal when I am at most vulnerable.

or I feel a need to talk about other possible lovers,

because I feel so unattractive to you deep down.

Instead, the weaknesses of machines

are usually discovered in a heat of conflicts.

In context where they would have wounded the other person.

And therefore

will be denied to the good will that might have ensured that could be forgiven.

Many of the difficult patterns of behavior of human machines

have very sympathetic points of origin.

But, once they have caused the partner humiliation

they are unlikely ever to be looked upon charitably.

We don't need people to be perfect,

We only need them to be able to see their faults,

to teach us about them, when we are unthreatened

and to apologize for the difficulties they causes in good time.

In other words, the greatest, most loving and luxurious gift

any partner could ever give another

is an instruction manual.

To their own rather tortured, odd

but ultimately, always really rather lovable soul.