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  • Hi

  • I'm Ryan Higa

    我是萊恩‧希佳

  • and I am currently attending the University of College State

    我正在唸大學

  • where I am majoring in Political Correctness

    主修「政治正確」(避免有歧視意涵的話語)

  • so you know that I know what I'm talking about.

    這樣你就能肯定我是言之有物的吧

  • I can tell you exactly what is considered offensive and what isn't.

    我可以告訴你什麼樣的話會冒犯人,什麼樣的話不會

  • I mean I've taken all the classes on political correctness such as

    我是說我已經上過所有有關「政治正確」的課了,從

  • Facebook comments 101

    初級臉書回覆 (美國大學課號 1 開頭的代表初級課程)

  • Twitter trends 102

    初級推特流行話題

  • to Wikipedia

    一直到維基百科

  • I've even taken an advance class on the subject called

    我甚至上過進階課程叫做

  • reading news articles that other people write

    「閱讀新聞報導中有爭議性的文章

  • to tell me how I should feel about controversial topics 205」.

    來學習應有的正確態度」

  • With my vast knowledge on this subject.

    藉著我對這個主題的博學多聞

  • I'm gonna be teaching you how to be the most politically correct you've ever been.

    我要來教你成為最政治正確的自己

  • It was offending me.

    我覺得被冒犯了

  • Welcome to how to be politically correct.

    歡迎來學習如何達到政治正確

  • For those of you what don't know what that means,

    那些不知道政治正確

  • being politically correct, or PC,

    是代表什麼意思的人

  • Basically means to avoid offending people

    主要的意思就是不要在言語上冒犯他人

  • Because we all know offending someone's feelings

    因為我們都知道冒犯他人

  • is the worst thing a human being can do.

    是一件最糟糕的事

  • So let's get started

    我們趕快開始吧

  • The first lesson in being PC is to avoid the trendy topics.

    「政治正確」的第一課就是避開正流行的話題

  • If an issue is trending on social media

    如果是一個在社交媒體

  • Or talked about on the news

    或新聞報導上正夯的話題

  • The chances are you should probably avoid that topic

    想要「政治正確」就最好避開

  • Because all of a sudden everybody really cares about it now.

    因為突然間,大家都關心這個話題

  • And no matter which side you pick

    不管你的立場如何

  • You're probably going to offend someone.

    你總會得罪一些人

  • Here's an example of a trendy controversial topic

    以下就是一個具爭議性的例子

  • That you guys might remember.

    你們可能還記憶猶新

  • Can you believe this?

    你相信嗎?

  • What?

    什麼?

  • This is Starbucks's Christmas cup.

    這款星巴克聖誕誕杯

  • So?

    然後呢?

  • So? There's no Christmas on the cup!

    然後?杯子上沒有印聖誕節

  • This is a blatant attack on my religion.

    這是對我的宗教信仰公然挑釁

  • A blatant attack on Christianity!

    對基督教公然挑釁!

  • Plus, the cup is red!

    還有,杯子是紅色!

  • That's the same color as hell!

    和地獄的顏色一樣!

  • And the devil, and fire, and pimple's that aren't ready to be popped yet.

    也和魔鬼,火,以及還擠不出來的青春痘的顏色一樣

  • Well I think they're right for not putting Christmas on the cups.

    我認為杯子上沒有印聖誕節是對的

  • What did you just say?

    你說什麼?

  • Well I'm not a Christian and if they did have Christmas designs on the cups then that infringing on my First Amendment Right of Freedom of Religion.

    我不是基督徒,如果杯子上印聖誕節就違反了「美國憲法第一修正案宗教信仰自由」的宗旨

  • How dare you say something so un-American!

    你竟敢講這種非美國人的話 (美國人多數信基督教)!

  • Un-American?

    非美國人?

  • The vast majority of Americans - *Shouting match ensues*

    多數美國人 ... (接連著不停的爭論)

  • Guys, guys, it's just a cup.

    老兄,老兄,只不過是個杯子罷了

  • How dare you - *Shouting match continues*

    你竟敢 ... (繼續爭論)

  • See? It might seem like a silly petty argument,

    看到了嗎?似乎是個小事而已

  • But since it was trending in the news it's really important now.

    但因為夯所以就變得很重要了

  • If you really want to be PC, avoid the trendy topics.

    如果你真的想要「政治正確」,避開正夯的話題

  • This is what he should have said.

    他應該這麼說

  • Guys, guys. It's just a-

    老兄,老兄,只不過是...

  • Nevermind. No comment.

    算了。沒意見

  • You know what, you're worse than both of us!

    你知道嗎,你比我們兩個都爛!

  • Yeah by keeping quiet, you're part of the problem! Yeah, you're not doing anything to help.

    對,你不講話就是個問題!對,你也沒做什麼有幫助的事

  • But this painting is so offensive I don't know why-

    我不知道為什麼但這幅畫就是令人感到冒犯

  • The next lesson in being PC is no more jokes.

    「政治正確」的第二課就是不要再講笑話了

  • Jokes are a thing of the past.

    笑話都是已經過去的事

  • I mean, you might think that some jokes are not that bad, but in 2017, ALL JOKES ARE OFFENSIVE!

    我是說,你也許認為有些笑話並沒有那麼糟,但是在2017年的今天,所有的笑話都會冒犯到別人

  • Hey, you want to hear this joke I just read?

    嗨,你想不想聽聽我剛剛才讀到的笑話?

  • Ok.

    好啊

  • Ok, so three guys walk into the bar right?

    有三個男人走進一間酒吧

  • Oh ho ho! So three GUYS, huh?

    欸欸欸!你說三個「男人」?

  • Didn't know you guys were against women's rights.

    我還不知道你們不支持女性權利呢

  • What?

    蛤?

  • Why do they have to be guys?

    為什麼一定是「男人」?

  • They don't.

    不見得

  • Well then it's sexist. Why are there no women? Women go to bars too!

    這是性別歧視。為什麼不說「女人」?女人也會去酒吧的!

  • Yeah, I know.

    我知道

  • Dude, it's just a joke.

    老兄,就只是個笑話罷了

  • Oh, it's just a joke? What, women aren't funny enough to be a part of your little joke?

    只是個笑話?難道把主角改成女生就不好笑了嗎?

  • Ok, fine! It doesn't really matter, ok?

    好嘛,男人、女人都行,可以了吧?

  • Three WOMEN - Good! - walk into the bar in the middle of the day, right?.

    三個「女人」-很好!在中午的時候走進一間酒吧

  • *Laughs* The middle of the day, wow.

    (大笑) 中午,靠

  • What is it now?

    又怎麼了?

  • Now you're saying that all women are alcoholics ya bunch of misogynists!

    你是說女人都是酒鬼,你們一群仇視女性的大男人

  • Hey, why did the duck cross the road?

    為什麼鴨子要過馬路?

  • Why?

    為什麼?

  • To prove he wasn't chicken. *Laughter*

    為了證明牠不是雞 (俚語 chicken 指膽小) (大笑)

  • Are you implying that all chickens are cowards?

    你在暗指所有的雞都是膽小鬼?

  • Or that somehow ducks are above chickens in some way?

    還是說鴨比雞要來的高級一點?

  • What?

    蛤?

  • Because ducks and chickens are equal, ok?

    雞和鴨應該是平等的,對吧?

  • And people like you who support duck supremacy are part of the problem.

    你這種支持「鴨權至上」的人,本身就是亂源之一

  • What are you talking about? I don't see how this is offensive.

    你是來亂的嗎?我看不出這有任何冒犯的意思

  • Yeah, of course you don't.

    你當然看不出

  • You don't see it because you're a little privileged duck-boy who grew up in the safety of your little ranch.

    你看不出是因為你是個從小在舒適圈長大的「小鴨霸」

  • So of course you're not afraid.

    所以你當然不會膽小

  • Chickens? Chickens, we grew up in fear.

    雞?雞,我們是在恐懼中長大的

  • We get drugs, GMO's forced into us at the mills.

    我們被藥物毒害,我們被強迫變成基改生物

  • We're forced to watch each other get slaughtered just for food?

    我們被強迫看著彼此被屠殺只為了要成為人類的食物

  • Hey, ducks get eaten too.

    鴨也是照樣被吃阿

  • Yeah, they do. But tell me, how often do you come across ducks eggs at the supermarket, huh?

    是,沒錯。但是請告訴我,你在超市看到鴨蛋的機率有多少?

  • How often do you pass by a fast food chain called KFD?

    你看到「肯德鴨」連鎖店的機率又有多少?

  • Yeah see, all birds lives do matter.

    你知道嗎,所有禽類生命都同樣重要

  • But right now, chicken lives, those are the lives that are in danger. And that's what's trending.

    但現在,雞的生命瀕臨危險,這才應該是熱門話題

  • What do you call someone with no cell phone?

    你怎麼稱呼那些沒有手機的人?

  • I don't know what?

    我不知道,幹嘛問?

  • A house phone, because with no cellphone, you gotta call them with a house phone.

    内線電話,因為沒有手機,你就必須打內線電話 (這是一部美國電影裡的笑話)

  • As somebody who finds Jonah Hill's and Michael Cera's comedy inappropriate, I take offense to that joke.

    身為對喬納.希爾和麥可.賽拉演的喜劇片認為不妥的我,覺得被那個笑話冒犯了

  • What? They never even said this joke. How is this even related to either of them?

    蛤?他們根本沒說過這個笑話,怎麼扯到他們身上?

  • Cause it was Superbad.

    因為他們有夠爛 (Superbad 也是電影《男孩我最壞》的英文片名)

  • And finally, for the last lesson in being PC is for you to know that everything is offensive.

    最後,「政治正確」的最後一課,就是你要知道所有事情都是會冒犯人的

  • If you don't think that something is offensive, chances are you're a bad person and you're not looking hard enough.

    如果你不認為某件事會冒犯到他人,那麼很可能你是個壞人而且你對事情看得不夠透徹

  • Here, let me make it easy for you. I'll give you some examples.

    現在,為了讓你更容易懂。我來舉個例子

  • Now take a look at this X-Men poster. Does it offend you at all? Because if it doesn't, you hate women.

    請看這幅X戰警的海報。你有任何被冒犯的感覺嗎?如果沒有,那表示你有憎恨女人情結

  • It's clearly showing a man choking a woman.

    因為海報上很明顯的是一個男人正掐住一個女人

  • So that means YOU think its okay for men to choke women

    所代表的意義就是「你」認為男人掐住女人是OK的

  • Not to mention that the top of the board it says "only the strong will survive" implying that men are stronger than women

    更別提海報上方寫著「只有強者才能存活」暗示男人比女人強

  • BUT thats not it. This poster isnt JUST sexist ITS RACIST

    但事情不是如此。這幅海報不只是性別歧視更是種族歧視

  • I mean why is the light skinned blue person choking the dark skinned blue person, and not the other way around?!

    我是說為何是那個淺膚色的藍色怪物掐住深膚色的藍色戰警,而不是相反呢?

  • Take a look on the date at the bottom! Don't tell me its just a coincidence that they conspired the release date to be on 27th THE EXACT same day

    請看海報下方的日期!別告訴我他們陰險地把上演的日期訂在 5 月 27

  • That the race riots in East Saint Louis took place in 1917

    剛好和 1917 年在東聖路易士發生的種族暴動是同一天只是個巧合罷了

  • AND as if that weren't enough, the title ITSELF is not just sexist! Its a hate crime!

    如果這樣還不夠,請看片名本身就不只是性別歧視,而更是仇恨犯罪

  • I mean the title of the franchise is X-Men!

    我的意思是片名叫 X-Men!

  • WHY not X-Women?!

    為什麼不叫 X-Women?!

  • I'll tell you why! Because X-Men Apocolypse is an attack on the LGBTQ community!

    我告訴你為什麼!因為《X戰警:天啟》就是在攻擊同性戀社群 (LGBTQ community)

  • That's right.

    沒錯

  • X-MEN stands for transgender

    X-MEN 代表變性人

  • They're X-MEN. They used to be men now they're women. So they're ex-men.

    他們是 X-MEN。他們曾經是男人現在是女人。所以他們是 ex-men (前身是男人)

  • So when they say X-MEN apocalypse what they are really trying to say is it's the end of the world for the transgender community.

    當他們說《X戰警:天啟》時,他們真正的意思是變性人的末日

  • I will not stand for that! I will remain sitting! I will not...

    我不同意他們!我會繼續坐著 (stand 同時有站立和支持的意思)!我不‧‧‧

  • Wait a second... May 27th? This is old news. Is this not trending anymore?

    等一下 ‧‧‧ 5 月 27日?這是舊聞了,已經過時了嗎?

  • Eeeehh it's not big deal then. Next.

    那就沒什麼大不了啦。下一個

  • So in closing, I know there's a lot of things to remember so I'm going to simplify it and try to wrap everything up.

    最後,我知道要記的太多,所以我把它簡化做一個總結

  • In order to be a truly politically correct person, avoid all of the trendy, controversial topics

    要做一個真正「政治正確」的人,就要避開所有流行、具爭議性的話題

  • Which basically means that if something is being talked about by somebody, somewhere about something,

    意思就是如果某些人在某個地方討論某件事

  • You may not have an opinion about it. Because you're wrong. And it's going to offend someone.

    你最好不要發表意見。因為你永遠是錯的,而且會因此得罪一些人

  • You must also remember: no more jokes.

    你也要記住:不要再隨便講笑話

  • Jokes are a thing of the past. So remember to never laugh or to make anyone else laugh.

    笑話是一些過去曾發生的事情,請記住不要用笑話來取悅別人

  • Because if you do that means you're laughing at the issues.

    如果你這樣做就表示你在嘲諷這個事件

  • Issues like war and rape and racism.

    像是有關戰爭、強暴和種族歧視的議題

  • So if you laugh, you're a racist war rapist!

    如果開這種玩笑,你就是種族主義者,戰爭強姦犯

  • And last but not least, and most importantly, everything is offensive.

    最後,也是最重要的,所有的事都會冒犯到他人

  • It's not rocket science. If you don't want to offend others, it's simple.

    這並不難理解。如果你不想得罪別人,很簡單

  • Don't have opinions, don't take any action, don't walk, talk, move, wear or share anything you're thinking about.

    不要表示意見,不要有任何動作,不要行走、講話、移動、穿戴,或把你的想法與他人分享

  • Especially if it's about an issue, and everything is an issue.

    特別是對一些特別的議題,而任何事都可能是一個議題

  • And, at the same time, keep in mind that with all of these issues if you don't speak up and take action...

    同時,請記住如果你對這些議題保持沉默

  • You guys are part of the problem.

    你們自己也變成了問題的一環

  • So stop having opinions, stop taking action, and step up and do something and take action!

    所以停止發表意見,停止採取行動,也要勇敢發聲並起身行動!

  • *TEEHEE*

    嘻嘻!

  • Greg: Cut! Cut. What? G: No no no it's not you. The video is great, the message is clear, it's just we're missing something.

    格雷:卡!卡。 什麼?不是你的問題,影片很棒,講得很清楚,只是少了些什麼

  • I don't think we're going to get the views this way...

    我不認為我們這樣會有點擊率

  • Unless ... *simultaneous gasp*

    除非 ... (驚訝的倒抽一口氣)

  • Hi. I'm Ryan Higa. And I'm...

    我是萊恩‧希佳 ... (找來白人學生代替)

Hi

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