In this video we’re gonna talk about how to get people to like you and we’re gonna

在這影片中我們將會提到如何讓人們喜歡你的方法，

talk about the 4 most important strategies to get people to like us and how they are

我們會討論四個能讓別人喜歡我們最重要的策略，

paradoxical to the way they normally think of how to get people to like us. So now let

並且說明這些策略跟我們平常對於"得人緣"看法之間的差異。

me tell you my story. I got my first job out of grad school in engineering. I thought I

現在就讓我告訴你我的故事。我讀完工程學從學校畢業後找到第一份工作，

wanted to impress everyone. I wanted to rise up the ladder. I wanted to be the smartest

我想讓每一個人都印象深刻，我想要飛黃騰達，我想成為房間中最有聰明的人

person in the room. I wanted to be liked by everyone. And what did I do? I would talk

我想要被每一個人喜歡。而我做了什麼呢？我無時無刻都在講話。

all the time. In meeting I would try to prove how smart I was. I still remember a meeting

在會議時，我試著表現出我的聰明才智，我還記得在一次會議上

I was at my director and VPs and other engineers and my director said something which I thought

我坐在上司、副總及其他工程師旁邊，當時我的上司說了一些我覺得是錯的內容

was wrong and I pointed it out and I said, “No that is wrong”. Even though it was

我當場指出他的錯誤，我說到：「不，這是錯的」。就算事實上他說的真的是錯的

true that what he said was wrong and I thought in the moment that I had proved how smart

且當時在我的想法中，我想要證明我有多聰明

I was, I had not really proved how smart I was but instead proved that I had no skills

結果我並沒有真的證明我的能力，這反而說明了我缺乏處理人際關係的能力。

how to handle people. And I would talk on and on and on in like during lunch breaks

而且當時我一直一直一直不斷講話，像是在午休時間

or during off hours or even during times that we had together about my interest or the things

或者下班時間、甚至是每個我們聚集的時間。我討論我的興趣、我一生中做的最了不起的事情、

I do in life about how amazing my life was, my passions, my interests, my hobbies, this

我的熱情、我的興趣、我的嗜好等等，這個也講、那個也講，

and that, my, my, my. That’s all I was doing. I was only interested in what I was doing

都是關於我的、我的、我的。這是當時我在做的所有事情，我是唯一對我當時的行為感興趣的人

because I wanted to show to them that I was smart, I was intelligent, I was amazing. I

因為我想要向他們表現我有多聰明、多有才智、我有多棒！

was trying so hard to prove that I was worthy, that I was smart, that I was intelligent,

我非常努力去證明我是很有價值的、我是很聰明的、我是很有才智的，

that I belong there, that they should promote me, that they should like me. And what happened

並去證明我屬於這個群體，你們應該要提拔我，你們應該要喜歡我。

a year and a half later? I got laid off. And I thought, well these guys have no idea what

而一年半之後發生了什麼事情呢？我被炒魷魚了。而我想，好吧！這些傢伙根本不知道他們

they missed out on so they have no idea how smart I was, how intelligent I am. And so

錯過了什麼，他們不知道我有多聰明、多有才華，還有（他們這麼做讓）我多失落。

disappointing. Until a friend of mine handed me the book How to win Friends and Influence

直到我的一個朋友給了我一本「如何得人緣及發揮影響力」

People. And this book revolutionized my life. Literally revolutionized my life because I

這本書翻轉了我的人生。不誇張，我的人生被翻轉，因為我過去不明白

did not realize that everything I was doing up to that point in terms of human relationships,

在當時，我所做的一切對於人際關係、

in terms of winning friends. Everything was wrong. Everything was the exact opposite of

對於贏得友誼來說，這全部都是錯的。所有的一切都與我應該要做的恰好相反。

what I should have been doing because the paradoxical truth of how to win friends, how

關於贏得友誼及變得受歡迎，矛盾的真相是，

to get people to like you, Is that we had to like people in order to have them like

我們必須喜歡別人而不是讓他們喜歡我們。

us. That is the paradox. We think that we have to make them like us. But no, it’s

這是相反的。我們覺得我們必須要讓他們來喜歡我們。但不是，

much much much more effective for us to like them. Because when we like them, they like

實際上，我們先去喜歡他們這個方法是更更更更加有效的。因為當我們喜歡他們的時候，

us. And the truth is can you really like someone by talking all the time or being interested

他們喜歡我們。而真相是，難道你透過一直講自己的事情或是只對自己感到興趣來可以喜歡別人嗎？

in yourself or proving how good you are or proving how important you are. Can you really

或者只是證明自己有多好、證明你有多重要來喜歡別人？

like someone like that? No. and if you cannot like someone as the paradox says if you don’t

難道你可以用這種方式來喜歡別人？不，如果你不能像這似非而是的悖論所說的先去喜歡別人，

like them they will not like you. So, in order to get someone to like you, you have to like

如果你不先喜歡他們，他們也不會喜歡你。因此，若要讓別人喜歡你，你必須先喜歡他們。

them. And how do you do that? There are four key strategies.

而你要如何做到這點呢？這裡有四個關鍵策略。

The first one is to become genuinely interested in other people as Dale Carnegie says. You

第一個是，就像卡內基說的，要變得真實地對其他人的事物感到興趣。

will make more friends in two months by being interested in other people, than in two years

藉由對其他人感興趣這個方法，你將能在兩個月當中交到取多朋友，而不是在兩年中一直試圖

by trying to make people interested in you. Because the fundamental truth is people are

讓別人對你感興趣。因為最基本的事實是，

interested in themselves. If only I had the understanding that I need to talk to my colleagues

人們都只對自己感興趣。如果當時我理解到，我應該要跟我的同事談論他們的興趣。

about their interests. If I could only become interested in their lives, in their pains,

如果我能變得對他們的生活、對他們的傷痛、

in their frustrations, in their challenges, I could have become more friendly to them

對他們的挫折及挑戰感到興趣的話，我可以跟他們變得更加友好，

and I could have had more friends. The second important key, be a good listener

且我可以擁有更多朋友。第二個關鍵，當個好聽眾

and encourage others to talk about themselves. There’s a reason why we have two ears and

並且鼓勵其他人多談論自己的事情。這是我們擁有兩隻耳朵而只擁有一張嘴巴的原因。

one mouth. And here’s another paradox, if you aspire to be a good conversationalist,

而這裡有另外一個勃論，如果你立志要成為一個健談的人，

you have to be a great listener. You have to give them the gift of your full attention.

你必須要先成為一個好聽眾。你必須把注意力放在他們身上

You have to encourage them to talk about their accomplishments, about their well-being, about

你必須鼓勵他們多談談他們的成就，他們的幸福，他們喜歡的事物。

things that they enjoy. You have to listen. Because people are so much more, a hundred

你必須聆聽。因為人們比起對別人、更對自己感興趣一千倍，

times more interested in themselves and what they’re talking about than what you have

比起你談論的東西，他們更對自己講的東西感興趣。

to talk about. So people will think of you as a great conversationalist if you are a

因此人們會覺得你是個健談的人，如果你是個好聽眾的話。

great listener. And the funny thing, the paradoxical thing is, when you think of a conversationalist,

而有趣的是，與常識相反的事是，當你以為一個健談者應該是

you think of someone who can converse, who can talk. But it’s the opposite. The paradox

那種很會溝通，很會講話的人，其實完全相反。矛盾的真相是

which is true which is someone who can listen, someone who can ask questions and just let

健談者是很會聆聽，會問問題，會讓其他人說話的人。

the other person talk. The third truth about getting people to like

要讓別人喜歡你的第三件事情是，

you is to talk in terms of their interest, not yours. The exact opposite. Don’t talk

談談他們的興趣，而不是你的。這恰好相反。

in terms of your interest. Talk in terms of the other person’s interest. That’s the

別要談論你的興趣。談論別人的興趣吧！這是方法。

road. The royal road to a person’s heart which is to talk about the things that interest

通往別人內心的王道是談論讓他們最感興趣的事情。

him or her the most. Talk about their kids, their family, their health, their relationships

談論他們的子女、家人、或者他們的健康、他們的人際關係等，不論那是什麼。

whatever it is. There are quite a few things, there are quite a few reasons why you should

有好幾件事情，有很多個原因你應該要談論關於他們的事情，

talk about them because first of all, it gets them to like you. But also you get to learn

首先，這讓他們開始喜歡你，而同時你可以學到一些新的東西。

something new. You get to see the world from their eyes. You get to see and learn what

你可以透過他們的視角看世界，你能夠看見並學習他們學習過的內容。

they have learned. And the fourth truth of getting people to

而讓別人喜歡你的第四個真相是

like you is to make the other person feel important and to do it sincerely. That is

讓其他人覺得他們很重要，真誠地做到這點。

probably the one truth that I completely missed on when I was constantly in my job when I

這可能是我過去在工作時徹底忽略的一個事實，當時我總是想要去證明

was trying to prove how good I was, how important I was, how smart I was, how capable I was.

我有多好，我有多重要，我有多聰明，我有多有能力。

I was doing the exact wrong thing because as William James said, the deepest principle

我做了徹底錯誤的事情，因為，就像William James 說的，

in human nature is the craving to be appreciated, the craving to feel like we’re good, that

人性最深的原則就是渴望能被重視，渴望感覺自己很棒，感覺自己有價值。

we are worthy. When you take that away from people, you cannot get them to like you. So

如果你對待人時忽略這個原則，你無法讓他們喜歡你。

people want to be appreciated, people want to feel like they’re important in your life.

所以人們想要想要被重視，人們想要感覺到，他們在你的生命中是重要的。

When you can show it to them that they are important to you, that’s when you become

當你可以讓他們知道，他們對你而言很重要，那時，你也變得對他們重要了。

important to them. And very paradoxical idea. Only when you feel like they are important

所以非常矛盾的真相是，只有當你覺得他們對你重要時，

to you, will they now start to feel that you are important to them. And really interesting

他們也才會開始覺得你對他們重要。而有個很有趣的例子

example from the life of Benjamin Disraeli, the legendary UK prime minister. One time

是英國傳奇首相，Benjamin Disraeli的故事。有一次

when he was running for elections, this lady went for dinner with the guy who was competing

當他投入一場選舉，有位女士跟另一個與班傑明的競爭對手一起吃晚餐，

against him who stood against him in the elections. And she said, when I got done with the dinner

這個人在選舉上是站在反對他的政營。而這名女士說，當我用完晚餐後

I felt like I was in the company of one of the smartest men in the world. That gentleman

我感覺我好像在世界上最聰明的人的公司裡。這位紳士非常聰明。

was so smart. Definitely he deserves to run for prime minister of the UK. However, a few

他肯定值得當上英國首相。然而，幾天後

days later she went on a dinner with Benjamin Disraeli and here’s what she said about

他跟Benjamin Disraeli一起用餐，而之後她說如此說，

Benjamin Disraeli, she said, when I went for dinner with Benjamin Disraeli, I felt like

她說，Benjamin Disraeli，當我跟Benjamin Disraeli一起共進晚餐，我感覺到

I was the smartest person in the world and that is why I will vote for Benjamin Disraeli.

我是世界上最聰明的人，這是為什麼我會投票給Benjamin Disraeli的原因。

Now this is the key, Benjamin Disraeli made her feel important. He talked to her about

這就是關鍵，Benjamin Disraeli讓她覺得自己重要。他跟她討論有關她的事情。

herself. He let her talk about her interest, her passions, and he let her proved to him

他讓她談論自己的興趣、自己的熱情，且他讓她能證明自己對他的重要性。

she was important. And that’s when she knew she was important to him, he was important

而當她發現自己對他的重要時，他也變得對她重要了。

to her. So there you have it. How to win friends and

所以你懂了吧！如何得人緣及

influence people. 4 really key skills to get people to like you. 4 paradoxical skills to

發揮影響力。四個關鍵技巧讓別人喜歡你。四個似非而是的技巧讓別人喜歡你。

get people to like you. Always remember, if you can remember one thing from this whole

總是要記得，如果你要從這所有一切中記得一點

thing, in order to get people to like you, you must like them. That is the way forward.

比起讓別人喜歡你，你必須先喜歡他們。這就是往前邁進的方法。