We're typically appalling at it.

我們拙于結束一段感情。

We mumble, we delay, we become strange, we hedge, and there's one reason we make such a mess of it, it's not that we're inept or dumb or cruel.

我們含糊、拖延、舉止變得怪異、逃避，而造成這種難堪局面的原因並不是因為我們說了不適當的話、太笨拙或太殘忍。

It's that we're trying to be kind.

而是我們都努力想當個好人。

That's the origin of all our ineptness, stupidity and cruelty.

這才是我們之所以在結束感情時顯得拙劣、愚笨以及殘忍的原因。

We hesitate to be cold and try to be nice because we are sentimental.

我們會猶豫是否要冷淡對待不再愛的人，並且努力顯得友善，因為我們是多愁善感的。

The essence of sentimentality is the desire to be liked, even by those you don't like and can no longer be bothered with.

多愁善感的本質就是渴望被喜歡，即使是對你不再喜歡或今後也不會有交集的人也一樣。

It's a narcissistic longing to continue to receive the emotion of love without wanting to pay for it.

我們自私的渴望持續地被愛著，卻不想為這份愛付出。

But kindness has no role whatsoever to play at the charred end of relationships.

但是這種仁慈在一段熱情燒近尾聲的感情裡，無論如何都是沒意義的。

Being sweet and understanding merely prolongs the torture for the other person.

貼心和善解人意只是在延長折磨對方的時間。

If we're being so tender, is it really possible that we truly mean the dark things we are ostensibly saying?

即使我們表現得很溫柔，有沒有可能我們真的就如我們表面所說的那麼灰暗呢？

Could we be so loving and at the same time, calling it a day?

我們能夠充滿愛意地畫下句點嗎？

We need above all else to kill hope.

我們首先需要抹殺對方的希望。

But instead, too often, we just waffle.

但是事實上，我們通常只會含糊其詞。

Marcel Proust wisely observed: "At the end of relationships, it's the one who is not in love who makes the tender speeches."

Marcel Proust 明察到：「在一段感情結束時，通常是沒有陷入愛河的一方說出了溫柔的話。」

Parting lovers may end up in the grotesque situation of one person crying because they are being left.

戀人分離可能會導致一種奇怪的情境，其中一方在哭泣因為他們被拋棄。

And the other crying because of the distress that announcing the departure has caused them, tears that are mistaken by the abandoned party for signs of care.

另一方也在哭泣，因為宣告離開的悲痛導致他們傷透了心，而被拋棄一方會誤認這種眼淚是在乎的一種表現。

The kindest way to end a relationship is just to make extremely brutal speeches of a sort that will leave the other person in no doubt at all that you're not an especially nice person.

結束一段感情最好的方法就是，說一些可以讓另一方堅信你並不是個很好人的極度殘忍的話。

The truly courageous way to leave is to allow yourself to be hated by someone who loves you.

最有勇氣的一種離開就是讓愛你的那一方厭惡你。

That's generosity.

這是慈悲的表現。

There's no excuse for delay.

沒有拖延的藉口。

Don't imagine that you're doing someone a favour by dragging out how long they can persist in the benign illusion that you want them.

不要認為透過讓對方繼續幻想你也需要他，而拖延這段感情，是在幫對方的忙。

Their real priority is to stop wasting their lives.

首要任務就是不要再浪費他們的年華。

Don't imagine that they won't ever find anyone else like you: they may believe that now and might even sweetly tell you so.

不要認為他們再也不會找到和你一樣「好」的人了：他們可能目前會這樣想，並且這樣和你說。

But they won't believe it when they finally understand who you actually are.

但是當他們最終了解真實的你時，他們就不會這樣想了。

Real kindness means getting out – even though the holiday has been booked and it will be terribly awkward to tell everyone at this late stage.

真正的善意就是離開，即使原本的度假計畫都已安排好，且在這最後時刻告訴大家你們分手了會很尷尬也一樣。

There's nothing at all wrong with deciding that someone isn't for you.

判定一個人適不適合你的是完全沒有錯的。

There is something very wrong with ruining large chunks of someone else's life while you squeamishly and sentimentally hesitate to get out of the way.

有錯的是當你畏縮、多愁善感地猶豫要不要分開時，這才會毀掉對方大半輩子的生活。