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  • friendship should be one of the high points of existence

    友誼關係在生活上的存在感很高

  • and yet it's also the most routinely disappointing thing we have to deal with.

    常常也是個我們需要解決的頭痛問題

  • Too often you're at supper at someone's house,

    例如你經常到某人家裡吃晚餐

  • there's an impressive spread and the hosts have evidently gone to a lot of trouble.

    你不但對餐桌上的滿漢全席留下深刻印象,還有主人口中滔滔不絕的麻煩事

  • But the conversation is meandering and

    話題不但漫長而且

  • devoid of any real interest it flits

    乏味無趣

  • from an overlong description of the

    話題從長篇大論的故事

  • failings of the in-flight service on a

    關於某個航空公司的飛行服務不周到

  • particular airline to a strangely heated

    再提到一個異常水深火熱的話題

  • discussion about the tax code. The

    關於稅法問題

  • intentions of the hosts are hugely

    主人邀吃飯一事

  • touching, but as so often we go home

    著實令人感動,但是常常我們回家後會很疑惑

  • wondering what on earth the whole

    全世界的運作方式

  • performance was really about. The key to

    到底是如何

  • the problem of friendship is to be found

    朋友之間產生的大問題,通常會在

  • in an odd sounding place: a lack of a

    異常吵雜的環境中被發掘:

  • sense of purpose. Our attempts at

    缺乏談話的目的,我們在友情下的功夫

  • friendship tend to go adrift because we

    常常付諸流水

  • collectively resist the task of

    因為我們集體抗拒以下這個任務 :

  • developing a clear picture of what

    拓展具有意義的友誼關係

  • friendship might really be for.

    找出友誼的核心價值

  • The problem is that we're unfairly

    問題在於我們對友誼

  • uncomfortable with the idea of

    缺乏安全感

  • friendship having any declared purpose,

    常常聚焦在交朋友的淺規則上

  • because we associate purpose with the

    我們把這種淺規則定義成

  • least attractive and most cynical of

    一種乏味又厭世的動機

  • motives. Yet purpose doesn't have to ruin

    但這個淺規則並不會去毀掉

  • friendship and in fact the more we

    友誼,事實上

  • define what a friendship might be for

    我們越去定義友誼關係

  • the more we can focus in on what we

    越可以集中注意力

  • should be doing with every person in our

    去對待在我們人生當中,出現的每個人

  • lives, or indeed the more we can

    也或許可以

  • helpfully conclude that we shouldn't be

    導出一個有益的結論,例如

  • with them at all.

    我們根本不需要朋友

  • There are at least four things we might

    目前大致上有四個方法

  • be trying to do with the people we know.

    我們可以試著跟熟識的人產生互動

  • Firstly, networking. It's an unfairly

    第一點,組織人際網絡

  • maligned idea. We're small, fragile

    但這顯然不是很好的方式,因為我們在這龐大宇宙裡

  • creatures in a vast world. Our individual

    是如此的渺小與脆弱

  • capacities are entirely insufficient to

    個體的能力完全不足以

  • realize the demands of our imaginations.

    去完成我們想像中的需求

  • So of course we need collaborators,

    所以我們一定需要和別人合作

  • accomplices who can align their

    與夥伴一起團結彼此的力量

  • abilities and energies with ours.

    發揮各自擅長所能之處

  • This idea of friendship was given a lot

    這種創建友誼的方式在

  • of space in classical literature.

    古典文學中很常見

  • Take the Argonauts, the legendary ancient

    以古希臘故事阿爾戈英雄為例

  • Greek tale, which traced how a heroic

    其中有一位英雄船長名叫傑森

  • captain called Jason networked in order to

    他呼朋引伴召集了一群人

  • assemble a band of friends to sail on

    為了要航行至

  • the Arkham, in search of the Golden

    Arkham找金羊毛

  • Fleece. Later, the same idea emerged when

    之後,耶穌也抱持

  • Jesus networked, to put together a band of

    類似的想法,將12位門徒聚集在一塊

  • twelve disciples with whom he could

    他灌輸門徒

  • spread one or two world-changing ideas

    一些改變世界的想法

  • about forgiveness and compassion. Rather

    有關於寬恕和憐憫

  • than diminish our own efforts as we hand

    與其以交換名片的方式來交朋友

  • out our business cards, such prestigious

    不如運用這些實際的例子

  • examples can show how elevated an

    來學習如何利用合作的概念來展現

  • ambitious networking friendships could

    氣度不凡又理想的友誼

  • ideally be. Secondly, reassurance. The

    第二點,營造安全感

  • human condition is full of terror. We're

    人性涵蓋許多恐懼

  • always on the verge of disgrace, danger

    我們經常走在恥辱、危險、失望的邊緣

  • and disappointment and yet, such are the

    因此那些世俗規定

  • rules of polite conduct that we're

    我們總是想像

  • permanently in danger of imagining that

    盡可能地打破規則

  • we are the only ones to be as crazy as

    幻想我們會是唯一的瘋子

  • we know we are. We badly need friends

    瘋到不行的那種,因此我們的確非常需要朋友

  • because with the people we know only

    如果你只有泛泛之交的朋友

  • superficially, there are few

    那你就不太有機會得以

  • confessions of sexual compulsion or of

    表達自己內心的情感想法

  • regret, rage and confusion. These

    包含性衝動、後悔、憤怒與困惑

  • superficial acquaintances refuse to

    這些表面朋友也會選擇

  • admit that they, too, are going slightly

    不去表露自己內心的感覺

  • out of their minds. Yet the reassuring

    而漸漸地封閉自己的心

  • true friend gives us access to a very

    因此真誠且能相處自然的朋友給我們一扇通往

  • necessary and accurate sense of their

    處理情緒的大門

  • own humiliations and follies, insights

    像是丟臉或愚蠢的感受

  • with which we can begin to judge

    也讓我們開始反思自己的情緒

  • ourselves and our sad and compulsive

    諸如悲傷或不甘願的感受

  • lives slightly more compassionately.

    能更體諒他人的感受

  • Thirdly, fun. Despite talk of hedonism and

    第三點,找樂子,儘管人生就是要知足常樂

  • immediate gratification, life gives us

    但是人生也常常給我們

  • constant lessons in the need to be

    另一個課題,那就是

  • serious.

    需要認真看待每一件事情

  • We have to guard our dignity, avoid

    我們必須保有尊嚴

  • looking like a fool and pass as a mature

    避免看起來像個傻子,行為舉止要像個成熟的大人

  • adult. The pressure can become onerous

    這壓力其實不小

  • and in the end even dangerous. That's why

    最後還可能導向不好的結果

  • we constantly need access to people we

    這就是為什麼,我們都需要在一些值得信賴的朋友面前

  • can trust enough to be silly with them.

    盡情的搞笑,來當成釋放壓力的窗口

  • They might most of the time be training

    他們可能把大部分的時間投資在

  • to be a neurosurgeon or advising middle

    如何當一個精神外科醫師或是

  • sized companies about their tax

    替中型企業做稅額債務的分析服務

  • liabilities, but when we're together we

    但是當我們同在一塊

  • can be therapeutically daft. We can put

    我們可以藉瘋狂因子治療彼此

  • on accents, share lewd fantasies or doodle

    我們學其他口音,大談黃色笑話

  • on the newspaper, adding a huge nose and

    在報紙上塗鴉,在總統肖像上畫個大鼻子

  • a missing front tooth to the President

    塗黑他的門牙

  • or giving the fashion model distended

    或是給時尚名模加個

  • ears and masses of

    巨耳和爆炸捲髮

  • curly hair. The fun friend solves the

    有趣的朋友幫我們

  • problem of shame around important but

    解決內心的不快也讓我們釋放

  • unprestigious sides of ourselves.

    重要卻鮮微人知的一面

  • Fourthly, clarifying our minds. To a

    第四點,刺激思考以釐清問題

  • surprising degree it's very hard to

    你可能很難相信

  • think on our own.

    我們很難獨立思考

  • The mind is skittish and squeamish. As a

    因為我們的心脆弱又很吹毛求疵

  • result, many issues lie confused within

    因此,很多大問題我們經常想不通

  • us. We feel angry but are not sure why.

    我們感到憤怒但卻找不出原因

  • Something is wrong with our job but we

    工作上好像出了問題

  • can't pin it down. The thinking friend

    但又不確定問題在哪

  • holds us to the task. They ask gentle

    因此幫助思考的朋友很重要

  • but probing questions which act as a

    朋友關心我們的同時,也思考著問題的癥結點

  • mirror that assist us with the task of

    他們就像是一面鏡子

  • knowing ourselves. One side effect of

    幫助我們看見自己

  • getting a bit more precise about what

    我們在經過無數社交生活的洗禮之後

  • we're trying to do with our social lives,

    有時難免會遇到瓶頸

  • is that we're likely to conclude that in

    也就是人際關係中所產生的不良影響

  • many cases, we're spending time with

    我們花時間跟人相處

  • people for no truly identifiable good

    卻找不出一個合理的理由為什麼要這麼做

  • reason. These proto friends share none of

    新朋友和我們根本沒什麼交集

  • our professional ambitions or interests,

    沒有共同志向和興趣

  • they aren't reassuring and may indeed be

    也不值得信任

  • secretly really very excited by the

    說不定還會因為別人的失敗

  • possibility of failure. We can't be

    而歡欣鼓舞

  • catharticly silly around them and they

    我們絕對不能肆無忌憚的耍蠢

  • aren't the least bit interested in

    他們對於拓展自己和幫忙他人未來的道路

  • furthering our or their path to self

    壓根兒沒興趣

  • knowledge. They are, like so many of the

    更別說是自己的內涵

  • people in our social lives, simply in our

    他們是社交圈中常常會出現的人

  • orbit as a result of some unhappy

    常帶來一些不快的經驗

  • accident that we've been too sentimental

    讓我們不知所措,甚而心裡蒙上陰影

  • to correct. We should dare to be a little

    我們對於這一塊交友圈

  • ruthless in this area. Culling

    必須要展現人性的殘酷

  • acquaintances isn't a sign that we've

    割捨朋友並不代表

  • lost belief in friendship, it's evidence

    我們對友誼失去信心

  • that we're starting to get clearer and

    而是象徵我們更明白友誼的界線

  • therefore more demanding about what a

    因此我們更會去要求友誼中

  • friendship could really be. In the best

    應該遵守的規範

  • way the price of knowing what friendship

    或許在家獨自度過午後的時光

  • is for may be a few more evenings at home

    就能夠參透出友誼的核心價值

  • in our own company

    與真諦也說不定呢

friendship should be one of the high points of existence

友誼關係在生活上的存在感很高

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B1 中級 中文 友誼 朋友 問題 規則 門徒 話題

友誼的意義 (The Purpose of Friendship)

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    Jeremy 發佈於 2017 年 03 月 29 日
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