No.1. It's offensive and inappropriate.

第一：在公共場所哺乳非常不禮貌而且也不恰當。

We don't live in a society where it's okay to just show part of your breasts or cleavage in public.

我們並不是生活在一個你可以隨意向公眾展露你的乳房或事業線的社會。

If I'm breastfeeding in public and somebody walks by, and they see me,

如果我在公共場所哺乳，有人經過，並且看到我，

I could offend them with my boobs.

我裸露的乳房很可能會冒犯到他們。

I mean I wouldn't wanna offend someone by breastfeeding in front of them.

我才不想因為在人家面前哺乳而冒犯人家咧。

By breastfeeding in public, we are spreading the lie that breasts serve a purpose other than just to turn someone on.

在公共場所哺乳等於是在散播「乳房除了讓人性興奮以外還是有用的」的謊言。

I mean that kinda, like, can totally screw kids up.

這會給小孩子錯誤的觀念吧！

No.2. Even if we use one of those breastfeeding covers, it's not guaranteed that the baby won't, like, push it off.

第二：就算我們用哺乳巾蓋住，誰也不能保證寶寶不會把它扯下來呀。

And then what?

然後怎麼辦？

Your breasts could be exposed for like a second. Or two, two seconds.

妳的乳房可能會曝光一秒或兩秒鐘，兩秒鐘耶！

Seriously, babies who push the cover off are just spoiled brats.

其實啊，那種會把哺乳巾扯下來的寶寶根本就是嬌生慣養的屁孩。

I don't see what's so uncomfortable about eating with a cover on your head.

像我就完全不覺得拿一塊布蓋著頭吃飯有多不舒服。

It's not sweaty or hot or dark or claustrophobic at all.

根本不會流汗、不熱、不暗也不會讓你有幽閉恐懼症啊。

No.3. Women who breastfeed in public aren't doing it because the baby is actually hungry.

第三：那些在公共場所哺乳的女人根本就不是因為寶寶餓了才哺乳的。

No!

才不是咧！

They're just trying to seduce your husbands with their milk-filled, leaking, engorged breasts.

她們只是想用她們充滿乳汁的、漏奶的、腫脹的乳房來色誘你的丈夫。

Skanks...

不檢點的女人...

And if men are staring at a breastfeeding mom's obvious sluttiness,

如果男人忍不住朝那些表現得超淫蕩的哺乳媽媽們盯著看，

that's totally normal.

也是完全正常的事。

I mean what are they supposed to do?

不然他們還能幹嘛？

Notice you're breastfeeding and then look away?

注意到妳在哺乳然後把頭轉到另一邊嗎？

Weird.

太奇怪了吧！

No.4. We're moms.

第四：我們是媽媽。

I mean we don't need to go out in public.

我的意思是，我們不需要出門。

We gave up that right when we started popping out babies.

從我們選擇了生小孩的那一刻開始，我們就自動放棄了那個權利。

We don't need to go shopping, or eat out, or have a social life.

我們不需要去逛街、外出用餐或是有社交生活。

Nowadays everybody delivers.

現在什麼東西都可以宅配啦！

Just Amazon-prime it.

用亞馬遜網購就好啦！

Even if for some crazy reasons like an emergency, we have to leave the house.

就算發生緊急事件，迫使我們出門，

There are plenty of places to hide while breastfeeding.

要哺乳的時候，還是有很多地方可以躲啊。

I mean there is no common sense reason why we need to traumatize the public by breastfeeding in front of them.

我們根本就沒有理由讓哺乳這件事情造成社會大眾的精神創傷啊。

Sometimes I seriously ask myself: do these breastfeeding moms even want to have children?

有時候我會很認真的問自己：這些在公共場所哺乳的媽媽們是真的想要有小孩的嗎？

Or did they just have them so they could ruin everybody's day with their exhibitionism?

還是他們生小孩根本只是為了暴露乳房好毀了大家的一天？

Put your boobs away ladies... unless they're dairy-free.

不要再亂露乳房了女士們，除非它們沒有乳汁。

Then show'em off.

那就盡量秀吧！