Nothing exciting ever happens- OH MY GOD, I JUST GOT TRANSPORTED TO A FANTASY WORLD AND I'M NOT EVEN GONNA QUESTION IT

就沒有什麼刺激的事情嗎？

THIS IS AMAZING!

天啊！我被傳送到異世界了，不過我完全不覺得有什麼問題

I'M GONNA HAVE THE GREATEST TIME EVER!

太神啦！

Subaru: Oh my God! They have Irishmen here!

這將會是我人生中最美好的時光！

Kadomon: Buy this fuckin' apple!

天啊，這裡竟然也有愛爾蘭佬

Subaru: Oh my God! They have naked furries here!

給老子買蘋果

Oh my God! They have generic thugs about to beat me up here!

天啊，這裡有裸體的獸娘

Thug: Give us your fuckin' money!

天啊，連準備搶我的混混都跟其他異世界作品一樣

FUCK.

把錢給我交出來

Best Girl (not really): Main love interest incoming! Hi, I'm Emi-

操

Subaru: I'm in love with you.

正宮登場啦～

White Hair Elf Girl: Uh, what? We literally just met five minutes ago-

嗨，我叫艾米－

Subaru: Will you be my waifu?

我愛上妳了

Emilia: What the hell is a wai-

啥？我們不是五分鐘前才認識嗎？

Subaru: Shhh, it's already done.

妳願意成為我老婆嗎？

Emilia: I'm looking for my insignia.

老婆是什麼鬼啦？

Subaru: I think I saw it here- Oh, god, I'm dead.

噓，生米已經煮成熟飯了

Kadomon: Buy this fuckin' apple!

我正在找我的王選徽章

Did I just not die when I got killed???

我在這裡有看到徽章……

Satella- uh, Emilia: That's strange, I've never met you before but I feel I have..

天啊，我死惹

Do you ever get that feeling of deja vü?

給老子買蘋果

Subaru: Shut up, Tracer.

我被殺了卻不會死？（士郎4ni）

OH, GOD, I'M DEAD.

好奇怪喔，明明沒見過你，卻覺得很熟悉

Kadomon: BUY THIS FUCKIN' APPLE.

你也有這種既視感嗎？

Subaru: Okay, I keep dying and waking up in front of this guy, so that means..

閉嘴啦，閃光

Narrator: Yeeeeeeeees?

喔我又死惹

Subaru: That I have the ability to...

給老子買蘋果

Narrator: Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees?

嗯……每次我死掉之後，都會在這男的面前醒來

>le gasp of realization

這表示說……（沒錯） 我一定有那種能力……（你快猜到啦）

Narrator: YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES?!

呃，我還是搞不清楚狀況

Subaru: *groans of pain*

（夠了！在你每次死亡之後）

Nope, still can't figure it out.

（你都會回溯到某一個時間點）

Narrator: Oh, for fuck's- YOU CAN RETURN TO A VERY SPECIFIC POINT IN TIME, EVERY TIME YOU DIE.

我每次死掉之後，都會回溯到某一個時間點上！ （真是夠了）

>mfw i realize i don't die when i'm killed

－真是太感謝你了，存檔點大叔 －呃其實我的名字是……

Subaru: I can return to a very specific point in time every time I die!

就叫你存檔點大叔啦

Narrator: THANK YOU!

我要用這支手機跟你買徽章

Subaru: Thanks, Mr Save Point Guy!

－誰TM還會用掀蓋式手機啊 －哈哈哈……去問編劇啦

Save Point Guy: Actually, my name's-

想拿到徽章，先跨過我的性感屍體再說

Subaru: MR SAVE POINT GUY!

（她真的挺辣的） 閉嘴啦老二

I'll trade you the insignia for this phone.

別在這時候給我站起來

Discount Shrek: Who the hell uses flip-phones anymore?

不過別怕，咱們有紅毛騎士

Subaru: Haha, shut the FUCK UP.

你TM不是騎士嗎？ 怎麼變成自殺炸彈客了？

Fem Jeff the Killer: You can have the insignia over my dead, sexy body!

－這兩個差不多啦 －給我記住

Boner-kun: She *is* pretty sexy, y'know.

我會再度出現的

Subaru: Shut up, boner, now's not the time!

然後這一季就再也見不到她啦´_ゝ`

Well, it's a good thing I've got a swordsman!

我們是一對總是被當成女同志的雙胞胎

>expuroshion

－我們是如此的同步 －我們甚至可以解決掉

Subaru: You said you were a swordsman, not a suicide bomber!

對方的大香蕉

Reinhardt: What's the difference?

該死，雷姆

Elsa: Mark my words, you'll definitely see me again!

所以到底該如何區分妳們兩個？

And we'll never see her again!

反正這部作品裡沒人會在乎我

Ram: We're twins who everyone thought we were lesbians at first.

讓我當妳的管家嘛～霸托霸托

Best Girl: Yes, we're so in sync-

是可以啦，只要你願意

Ram: We can finish eachother's-

跟這宅邸的詭異白臉主人一起洗澡的話

Best Girl: Banana.

（Michael Jackson 4ni）

Ram: Dammit, Rem.

－才不要 －其實當管家還不錯嘛

Subaru: So what's the real difference between the two of you?

－我覺得我適應得很快 －啊啊啊雷姆為什麼妳要這樣虐我？ －因為你臭死了！

Ram: Nobody really gives a shit about me. ;_;

這最好可以當成殺人的理由啦！

Lemme be your butler, please please PLEAAAAAAASE!

(*ﾟ∀ﾟ*)

You can if you take a bath with the creepy-looking pale guy who owns this mansion.

你還好嗎？你像是見鬼了

Not-Michael Jackson: Hee, hee!

其實是見到像妳這種瘋子

No deal!

你有種似曾相似的感覺嗎？ （小可愛別擔心，救星來了）

Subaru (thinking): Well, this doesn't seem so bad, I can get used to being a butler-

我才TM沒有什麼既視感啦

OH GOD, WHY'RE YOU KILLING ME?!

－可是你感覺好像…… －就跟妳說沒有啦

Best Girl?: CUZ YOU SMELL LIKE SHIT

你身上有個詛咒，我們得找出來源

IS THAT REALLY A REASON TO KILL SOMEONE?!

－這會傷害到艾米莉亞嗎？ －你真的得收斂一下你的EMT病

**PTSD INTENSIFIES**

如果哪天艾米莉亞叫你

Ram: Are you okay? You look like you've seen a ghost.

去跳崖，你該不會－

Or a fuckin' psychopath, apparently.

－EMT萬歲！！！ －我找到詛咒的來源了

Best Girl: Do you ever get that feeling of deja vü?

原來都是那隻小狗，這一切到底是怎麼回事

**TRACER-BASED PTSD INTENSIFIES**

－雷姆，砸 －雷姆，砸 ♥

No, I never get that

我們和好了嗎？

FUCKING

開什麼玩笑？妳之前把我虐了那麼多次

feeling of Day-Ja-Vuu!

正常人怎麼可能這麼快和好？

But you're acting like-

可是倫家現在想ㄘ大屌燒

NEVER.

我們和好吧 ლ(◉◞౪◟◉ )ლ

Loli-tsun-child: There's a curse and we need to find the source.

486，我現在要去一個很盛大的活動

Will this affect Emilia?

那邊都是重要人物

Look, you need to calm down with this Emilia obsession! If I said that Emilia told you to jump off a cliff, would you-

了解，盛大活動，重要人物

(dude wtf he actually did it)

所以，拜託你絕對不要闖進來

I found the curse!

然後當眾羞辱我

It was- it was the dog all along. Uh, I don't get it either.

了解，絕對闖進去

Rem?

當眾羞辱妳

Yandere Best Girl: Mhm?

蛤？你到底有沒有聽懂我在說什麼？

Smash.

你們這群垃圾，是哪一個在說我老婆EMT的壞話？

REM SMASH! ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

486你這白癡

(yandere giggling here)

王選候選人，請自我介紹

Best Girl: We're cool now, yeah?

－我是賣萌的 －我是賣帥的 －我是賣肉的

Subaru: Are you kidding me?! You killed me multiple times! Like, pretty fuckin' horribly!

然後偶爾出來甩個賤

People don't just forget that!

我壓根不知道自己在這裡幹嘛

But I want your dick now 8===D

－我不喜歡艾米莉亞 －你竟然不是EMT派的！

Yeah, we cool.

你個藍眉毛渾球

Emilia: Subaru, I'm about to go to a really big event full of really important people.

你對我眉毛有什麼意見嗎？

Dense fuck: Got it, really big event, important people.

你們這些傢伙

Emilia: Yes, so whatever you do, don't come inside ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) and do anything you can to not embarrass me, got it?

竟然不知道EMT的美好 （夠了）

Dense Fuck: Got it. Whatever I do, come inside ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) and do anything I can to embarrass you.

給我乖乖站好，讓我告訴你們

What?! That's the complete opposite of what I said!

「EMT的魅力100項」 （給我閉嘴）

Ey, ey, ey, fuckfaces, which one of you cocksuckers has been shit-talking my waifu, Emilia?!

第100項：EMT是白毛啊！ （等這活動結束）

OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE-

（老娘絕對要宰了486）

Old Guy #1: Silence! Royal candidates, introduce yourselves!

整天在那邊EMT，你為什麼不乾脆

Princess Kawaii: I'm the cute one!

把她娶回家算了？

Soldier-Lady: I'm the cool one!

－你以為我不會嗎？ （老娘可沒有同意欸） －有啦你同意了

Queen Cunt: I'm hot as shit, but I'm also a massive cunt!

夠了！少在那邊演什麼騎士精神了

Obligatory Loli: I don't even know what I'm doing here.

你是當這邊幾百個正牌的白騎士

Eyebrow Guy: I don't like Emilia.

都死了嗎？

HOW DARE YOU NOT LIKE EMILIA, YOU FUZZY BLUE-EYEBROWED FUCK?!

喔是喔…… 你、你才白騎士，你全家都白騎士

Eyebrow Guy: What did he just say about my eyebrows?

（我超屌啦） 所以你想怎樣？

Look, if you all don't understand the greatness that is Emilia-

把我拖出去好好教訓－－

Emilia (thinking): Stawp.

活該啦，你個白癡

Dense fuck: You can just stand there and listen to my top 100 reasons

我受夠了！

why Emilia is a great gal!

我得告訴她我的能力

STAAAHP!

就算因此賠上性命也無妨

Number #100, she has white hair-

至少她能懂我的痛苦

I swear to God, once this ends, I'm gonna fucking kill him!

EMT，其實我有死亡回ㄍ呃呃呃呃

Emilia, Emilia, Emilia. If you're so bloody obsessed with her, why don't you just marry her already?

－你還好嗎？ －我可以死亡回－呃哈哈哈哈

MAYBE I WILL.

什麼？你要回去哪裡？你是不是餓了？

Emilia (in the background): I did not agree to that!

我可以死亡啊啊啊啊啊

Yes you did.

你到底想說什麼？

Sudden Purple Hair Knight: Enough of this farce!

你想找點東西吃嗎？說人話啊！

You're blatantly white knighting this girl in front of

我只是想幫你忙欸，你可以不要這麼機車嗎？

LITERALLY HUNDREDS OF WHITE KNIGHTS.

(*ﾟ∀ﾟ*)

Oh, yeah? Well.. your face is a white knight.

你現在是在取笑我嗎？你當我傻子嗎？

BOO-YAH!

夠了！如果你要這麼機車的話，我不要理你了！

What're you gonna do, take me outside and teach me a lesson-

殺了我吧 －除了EMT之外

(subaru suffering via wooden sword)

我也是個不錯的選項啊

Yeah, you totally deserve that, you stupid asshole.

哇，騎士團竟然有這麼讚的貓娘

Subaru (thinking): I've had enough of this.

我其實是男的啦 ♂

I need to tell her about my power,

－別開玩笑了 －人家真的是男森啦

even if it costs me my life, so be it!

路西法別再來誘惑我啦

At least for a second, she'll know my pain!

所以接下來該進入劇情的高潮了吧？

Emilia! I can Return by DE- (grunts)

－你是說虐的高潮嗎？ －才不要咧 （ㄏㄏ）

Emilia: Erm, are you okay?

（14~17話放送中）

I can return to-

（14~17話放送中）

DAAAA- HAHAHA! (groaning in pain in the background)

（14~17話放送中）

Emilia: You want to Return to Denny's? Y-you're hungry? You want Denny's?

天啊，我剛剛做了個噩夢

I can Return to DE-AAAAH, HAAAA!

我受盡折磨，還有個瘋子

You wanna go now? You wanna go get something to eat real quick?

把雷姆扭成麻花捲，讓她被

What?! I'm just trying to help you!

白鯨吃掉了

You're being super rude right now!

天啊，為什麼雷姆要遭受這種折磨？

I-I can't, I can't- (unintelligable mumbling, probs just random bullshit)

呃，雷姆是誰啊？

Emilia: Are you mocking me?!

(*ﾟ∀ﾟ*)

Is that it? You think I'm stupid?!

開什麼玩笑？

(subaru srsly dude wtf have a snickers we can't understand you. also rapeface.)

編劇真的打算這樣寫嗎？

FINE! If you wanna be such a massive dick about it, I'll just leave!

（BGM: Simple Minds - Don't You (Forget About Me)）

(fml)

EMT，跟我說一切不會再更糟了

Catgirl Trap: If you don't want Emilia, you can always have me ;)

別擔心，事情不會再更糟了－

Well hey, I didn't know the knights had hot catgirls, too.

作者啊你到底要虐我虐到什麼時候？

Actually, I'm a boy.

別沮喪，讓我用近年來動畫裡最感人的

No, you're fuckin' not.

告白來讓你振作起來

No, really, I'm-

然後選我為這一季的正宮吧

I said..

我已經好多了呢

no

486，我愛你

you're

去你的

fucking

我喜歡的是EMT啊

not.

你說什麼？

So, is the plot gonna kick in anytime soon?

老娘宰了你！

Soldier-lady: Does suffering count as plot?

486，我愛你

Subaru: No? QwQ

我也愛妳啊

Too bad xD

－真的嗎？ －騙妳的啦

SWEET JESUS

不如先說個笑話來緩和氣氛吧

NOT THE LOLIS

異世界也有笑話吧？

WHY GOD

－好啊 －敲敲門 －外面是誰？

WHY IS THIS ANIME SO CRUEL

我喜歡的是48…… 我喜歡EMT啊

(actual reaction)

EMT到底好在哪裡？

*gasp* I just had a horrible dream!

她有什麼我沒有的東西嗎？

I was suffering, and there was a crazy guy who made Rem play Twister

EMT很棒啊，她會笑欸

AND THEN A WHALE ATE REM

還有呢？

Oh, God, Rem! Why do you keep doing this to Rem?

她……會笑啊

Ram: Uhhh, who's Rem?

我已經不生氣了，或許我該找一個

(LSD foreshadowing music)

比你更像男人的人

Are you fucking serious?

像是誰？

ARE WE REALLY DOING THIS RIGHT NOW-

像是菲利斯！

(Simple Minds - Don't You Forget About Me plays)

……EMT嗚嗚嗚嗚嗚……

Please tell me it can't get any worse...

今天晚餐該吃什麼好呢？

Don't worry, I'm sure it can't get any worse-

486，我愛－－ 夠了！不要再來了！

(lol she dead)

我只是想說－－

Subaru: OH, GOD. WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME?!

聽好，不管妳說什麼我都會聽的

BEST GIRL: Cheer up, Subaru.

只要妳先當我的工具人

Let me make one of the most heartfelt speeches in recent anime

然後再說好嗎？

to make you feel better, cementing me as best girl!

好吧

WELL, I'M ALL BETTER NOW.

謝天謝地

Also, I love you! :D

不過我還是喜歡EMT啦

Fuck you, I love Emilia! :D

(／‵Д′)／~ ╧╧

(laughter)

聽好了，我需要妳的幫忙

WHAT.

去幹掉白鯨

Yandere Best Girl: YOU MOTHERFUCKER, I'LL KILL YOU.

為什麼我要幫你？

Also, I love you!

如果你幫我的話，你就是這一季的正宮

I love you too!

我答應你 （哈哈我唬妳的啦）

Really? :D

該是時候痛宰那隻白鯨啦！

No!

（動物星球頻道置入中）

**TRIGGERED**

（動保！動保！）

Look, how about we lighten up the mood a little? With uh, a joke!

（動物星球頻道置入中）

You have jokes in this fantasy world, right?

終於成功啦！

Sure!

如果沒有妳，我們是不會成功的！ （妳哪位？）

Knock knock!

我叫雷姆

Who's there?

對啦，是雷姆啦哈哈哈

I love..

你根本就忘記了吧

I love wh-

哈哈我現在得去解決怠惰了

Emilia. (ಠ_ಠ)

所以可以請妳這一季剩下的集數

(sobbing) What is even so great about her?

都不要再出來了嗎？

WHAT DOES SHE HAVE THAT I DON'T?!

好吧，但是486你不可以忘記人家喔－－

She can smile?

我已經把之前的事都拋到腦後了，咱們去解決怠惰吧

And?

我就是怠惰大罪司

Sh-she can smile?

不對，偶才4怠惰啦

I'm not even mad. Maybe I should just be with someone who is not as dickless as you are!

等等，幹－－－－

Like who?

作者啊不是說好虐完了嗎 (／‵Д′)／~ ╧╧

LIKE FELIX.

不用擔心，上一個重生點很近的－－－

(sobbing from best girl)

（存檔失敗） 喵～歡迎回來，不過人家還是男森喔

Subaru (thinking): Wonder what I should have for dinner tonight?

不要再給我強調這一點了！

Also, I-

所以現在的計劃是？

NO.

讓我用一招

NO MORE, OKAY?

從別的動畫借來的招式吧！

But I need to tell you-

「靈丸！」 （出處：幽遊白書）

Look, whatever you want to tell me, I promise to listen after you help me. Can it wait after that?

這哪招啊老兄？

Fiiiiine.

EMT別擔心，我會救妳的

THANK GOD.

等等！

I do love Emilia, though.

到底為什麼？你要為了我做這一切？

Best Girl: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!

我不懂啊，你應該要去找雷姆吧？

Look, I just need your help taking down a whale.

她不是對你死心踏地嗎？

Give me one reason why I should help you?

她不是為了你赴湯蹈火嗎？為什麼你還是

If you agree, you can be best girl.

這麼執著於我呢？

DEAL!

雷姆誰啊？

Subaru (thinking): Hehe, I had my fingers crossed the entire time..

你覺得這世界上

NOW LET'S KICK SOME MOTHERFUCKIN' WHALE ASS!

最渾球的人是誰？

(cruelty towards whales intensifies)

憑直覺回答

We finally did it! And I couldn't have done it without your help,

好了嗎？1 2 3……

uhhhhh

是你

uuuuuuh

什麼？

It's Rem (ಠ_ಠ)

這表示我們變成超級好兄弟了吧？

REM! Yeah... I knew that.

哈囉！希望大家喜歡這一集的

You forgot, didn't you?

「＿分鐘看完動畫」系列

Look, I'm gonna go kill Betelgeuse now, so why don't you disappear for the rest of the season?

如果你想看看之前幾集，像是《東京喰種》

Alright, just please don't forget me-

就點旁邊的連結吧

I DON'T REMEMBER ANYTHING THAT JUST HAPPENED

就點旁邊的連結吧

BUT LET'S KILL BETELGEUSE!

我還沒決定下一部要做什麼作品

Pedo McRapeface: I'm Betelgeuse- EUGHH

我還沒決定下一部要做什麼作品

Old Guy: No, I'm Betelgeuse!

所以你在右上角看到的片段

Subaru McRapeface: No, I'M Betelgeuse!

都只是可能而已

E_E

這種影片花費的時間跟心力

Wait, FUUUUUCK-

非常龐大

Purple Hair Knight: And just when we thought the suffering was over..

如果你想看到更多這種作品

Don't worry guys, the last respawn point shouldn't be too far away..

你可以上Patreon網站贊助我，這對我幫助很大

(Windows Error Sound)

感謝這一集所有的工作人員

FUUUUUUUUUUUUU-

感謝這一集所有的工作人員

Nyan~!

特別是聲優們

Welcome back! I'm still a boy, by the way.

現在我正在試圖加快製作這類作品的速度

Stop

但是我又不想犧牲品質

Fucking.

但是我又不想犧牲品質

REMINDING ME.

不過我已經計畫好了

So what exactly is the plan now?

未來會有更多這種作品

Alright, I just need to rip off an attack from another anime!