Maybe it was only a couple seconds

I'm not sure how time works here

Here?

Yes! In heaven!!!

How is this heaven? It is literally just our apartment.

Gaby, what have I always said?

"Gaby, don't put your bag on the table, bags collect dirt and we eat there."

Well, yeah, but also "I bet heaven is a lot like regular earth

only a little bit better"

Better how?

It's a lot quieter, isn't it?

sirens

Oh that's probably just a siren to let us know a pizza rain is coming.

I don't even remember dying.

Was it badass?

You put too much soap in the washing machine because you never used it before

It overflowed. I slipped, fell, hit my head and die.

I'm assuming you did the same thing right afterwards.

At least it's romantic.

Gaby, we're still just friends, okay? Even though it's heaven.

Well, I always knew I'd murder-suicide us.

No problem. Honestly it alleviated a lot of my anxiety.

I now know for a fact that I'm a good person.

If only those stupid bitches from my sorority could see me now.

I still don't understand how this is heaven.

This is literally the same apartment we are always in.

No dust.

I guess.

And the fridge? Endless mac 'n cheese dinners from Trader's Joe.

Zero calories.

Oh my god, Allison. This is your heaven.

Why am I in your heaven?

Where's my heaven?

I thought about that a lot in the last minute and I have a hypothesis

Wanna hear it?

I have no where to go.

I think that's regular earth was your heaven,

'cause all you did was have a lot of sex and avoid responsibility.

So now, God or whoever decided in death to finally give me what I want.

And what you want is moderate, quiet, a lack of dust,

and a fridge full of microwavable meals?

Yeah! And you're here.

That's kinda sweet.

Selfishly I wish my parents were here too

but I'm guessing they've got about 20 more years down there

You know, give or take a freak accident. - Ok, less sweet

Check this out. whistles

Did Sugar die too?

No, it isn't actually Sugar.

I just needed some sort of little baby angel to keep me company in heaven.

I noticed she was a copy almost immediately.

That's why I'm calling her Splenda.

Do you get it? Because she's a fake Sugar.

I think this is my hell.

Gaby that is so rude! You're gonna call my heaven your hell?

Good thing I don't take things personally in heaven.

At least not that personally.

You're right, I'm sorry.

You're apologizing. I knew this was heaven.

Where are you going?

Oh, to go paint for hours without getting a hand cramp.

Allison, don't you think this is a little too good to be true?

Like, even for heaven?

You're right. I'm not dead. I'm probably just unconscious.

Urgh!

What happened?

We slipped and hit our heads. You passed out for a second.

And you didn't?

No. Harder head.

And I'm real strong so I carried you to the couch.

Ugh, did you slap me awake?

Uh-huh. But it worked, didn't it?

This is my hell.

Do you believe in heaven?

No, heaven's just a judeo-christian concept

created by men to oppress women and minorities.

Oh.

When I die, I'm gonna become a God.

Check this out--

chuckles

It's hard for me to pick her up.

oh sweetie.

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