Gaby, I have the best news!

Gaby.

Go back to sleep.

It's 2pm.

What?!

Something amazing happened.

Can you tell me about it in the morning?

I met a girl I'm attracted to.

You better not be pranking me,

Allison Beth Raskin

When you prank people you get hurt

I'm not pranking you.

I'm just no longer your one straight friend.

I'm finally queer like everyone else.

First of all, you can't say that.

And second of all, who is she?

Just some girl... with tattoos.

I have tattoos! I'm a girl!

Ohmygod are you jealous?

No I'm not jealous.

I just don't understand why you woke me up

from a nap just so you could prank me.

I'm not pranking you, Gaby!

I was sitting next to this girl at a coffeeshop

and I found myself staring at her tan legs and her arms,

and that place where your neck meets your collarbone

I have a collarbone.

Is is too sharp for you?

No, they seem pretty dull.

Well I don't understand why you're not attracted to me then.

Because when you weren't attracted to any girls it was fine

Whatever, you can't force sexuality

But now you're a raging lesbian

and you're not interested in sleeping with me,

this is unacceptable!

I am very good at sex things.

Gaby,

you're my best friend in the entire world,

I wouldn't do anything to risk our friendship.

The reason I'm not attracted to you is nothing

to do with your body

that has to do with your hygiene,

which isn't very good.

What?!

You barely shower, you're covered in cat hair,

and you have horrible coffee breath.

I'm not sure if the last thing is hygiene or halitosis,

but either way I find it really repulsive.

So the only things I have to do for you to

be attracted to me is: bathe,

stop hanging out with cats,

and use mouthwash?

Yeah, at this point those are the main things holding me back

I can't believe this.

You want me to completely change who I am.

No, it's just a couple of grooming habits..

Well I won't do it!

I ain't never gonna change for no woman.

I'm not asking you to change,

I don't want to sleep with you!

Go have sex with your coffeeshop girl instead.

Ew, I never said I wanted to have sex with her,

I said I was attracted to her

What do you think attracted means?

I don't know, that I like looking at something?

Not that I want to touch it

Well, I am glad I didn't give up coffee and cats

for you, looney tune.

She had huge tits.

Whatever my next girlfriend's going to have bangs.

Song

Hey, what do you think of this sweater?

It's pretty.

Would you say you're attracted to it?

Wait come back, it wants to have sex with you!

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