So breakups are one of the many tough things that people have to go through.

分手是我們生活中，必須經歷的苦差事之一

And there's a lot out there on how to deal with it, or how to cope with breakups.

坊間也有許多方法教你如何面對，或從痛苦中走出來

But there actually isn't that much on how to break up with someone.

但是通常它們並沒有教你怎麼和別人分手

And if you have ever had to do that before,

如果你曾和人分手過

You know that breaking up with someone can be even harder that getting broken up with.

那你就知道，當個「甩別人的人」比「被甩的人」要難得多

Especialy if you still care about that other person.

尤其是當你其實還在乎那人的時候（然後不知怎跟對方開口）

Which is why most people end up using the worst breakup tactic of all.

這也就是為何大多數人，最後都用最爛的分手招數

THE TEXT MESSAGE BREAKUP.

簡訊分手（或通訊軟體分手）

As many of you know, this is one of the absolute WORST ways to break up with someone.

大家都知道這根本是最爛的分手方式啊

And I know from personal experience that it's just the worst feeling ever. It's downright rude and cowardly.

我用親身經驗告訴你，那感覺超讓人不爽，不但沒禮貌而且很孬

Unless of course, they did something terrible to you and you don't care about them anymore.

當然除非他們對你超差，然後你也不想管他們死活

But if that's the case, you've come to the right place. Here are a bunch of other terrible ways to breakup with people that you no longer care about.

如果是那樣的話，你來對了。以下是其他更多超爛分手方式，對付那些你不在乎的舊情人

Hey,you ready?

嘿，你好了嗎

What ? Ready to other class?

蛤？準備去另一堂課啊

We don't have chemistry anymore.

我們沒有上化學課了吧（注：另一意思是我們沒有互相吸引的化學作用了）

Exactly.

沒錯

Why didn't you flush?

你怎麼沒沖水啊

It's like a turd in a shape of the "C"

你便便的形狀好像字母c

Ohhhh,that's cause you have to tilt your head to the right

你要把頭轉向右邊

Now what do you see?

現在看到什麼了

Just like a "U" now.

看起來像 u 了

Don't you see?

你沒發現嗎

I dumped "U"

意思是我甩了你（注：意思是我拉了一個 u 型便便，U 同時是 you 的縮寫，同時是我丟下你的意思）

Hey,you must be popular on twitter

嘿，你在推特上很紅吧

with all of those people following you,huh ?

有這麼多人追蹤你

I don't have a lot of people following me.

我沒很多人追蹤啊

Then,how do you explain

好那你怎麼解釋

all the people I've been seeing behind your back?

那些我看到在你後頭趕不走的蒼蠅

Oh,actually,could you not

老實說你能不能不要

stand on my right side ?

站在我右邊啊

Why?

怎麼了

Cause I realize,that you actually not right for me

因為我發現你不是我對的人（注：right 除了右邊，還有正確的意思）

and it's time I left you.

是時候我該離開啦（注：left 除了左邊，也是 leave 離開的過去式）

It's that hair in the jar ?

罐子裡是不是頭髮啊

Yeah,it's a part.

對啊，我一部分的頭髮吧

Are you watering it ?

那你幹嘛對它澆水

No,we're watering it

是我們一起澆水哦

We're growing apart.

我們漸行漸遠了（注：表面句意為我們一起澆這部分的頭髮，讓它長長）

Ah..man.I'm tired

喔我好累啊

Are you tired?

你累嗎

No,why ?

沒啊怎了

Well,I mean you have been ran through my mind all day.

哎唷，因為你整天都盤旋在我腦海裡啊

I think it's time we took a break.

我想是時候我們分手了吧（注：take a break 可以指運動後休息或分離）

Aanndd...done !

完成啦

I just put this above you real quick.

把這放在你頭上，很快的

What is this? And why you pick the "E" red?

這啥，而且為什麼其中一個字母是紅的

Oh,just to let you know,that

喔，這只是要讓你知道

That I'm already over you.

我早就已經不喜歡你了

Our relationship it's just like a broken mirror

我們的關係像一只破碎的鏡子

It's better to just leave it alone

乾脆不要處理它

And also,if you look into it

還有，當你仔細看

you can see how much a crazy crackhead you are.

你就知道你根本是瘋女人（注：crackhead 是瘋子，而表面句意為：你可以看到你的頭根本支離破碎）

Why did you tell me to met you at a gym,

你幹嘛叫我在健身房見你啊

if we're just going to sit here?

我們根本只是一直坐著而已

Oh you know,just to let you know

我只是要讓你知道

that we're not working out.

我們合不來（注：work out 可指運動健身或是事情有問題）

Alright.what about this peephole?

好，你覺得這個小洞怎樣

I don't see anything

我什麼都沒看到

I don't think it's working

我不覺得這有用耶

Huh... it might be right.

你說得對

Maybe we should just...

也許我們應該

see other peepholes?

「開發」別的「洞」？（注：此指和別人交往）

What are you doing?

你到底在說什麼

Obviously not you anymore.

反正不是你的「洞」就對了

Hey ,can I ask you a question ? Sure.

嘿我能請教你一件事嗎 好啊

Do you like this movie ?

你喜歡這部電影嗎

I get it. I know what are you gonna do

我懂了，我知道你要幹嘛

What?

幹嘛

You're gonna break the dvd,

你要把這光碟弄壞

and say "We should break up"

然後說，我們要分手（注：這片光碟是天外奇蹟 Up，把 up 折壞，雙關為分手）

Good one.

這梗不賴嘛

What? No. I was just gonna show you this

不，我只是要讓你看

and tell you to look up.

然後叫你抬頭看天花板

Seriously?

你認真？

What?

什麼啦

You did this whole thing, just to break up with me ?

你搞這麼多飛機，就是要分手嗎

just to make a joke?

然後只是要搞笑

No,I didn't....

不，我不是

If our relationship meant so little to you

如果我們的感情對你不重要

even you can make a joke out of all of this,

然後讓你可以耍這麼多花招

Then I have nothing to be sad about,

那我完全也不需要傷心

because it was never real to begin with.

因為從一開始，這一切都不是認真的

Gee, Look...

聽我說

Honestly,I... I didn't want to break up with you earlier

說實話，我從剛剛都不是要跟你分開

And....

而且

I didn't know how to do it.

我不知道該怎麼做

So...I made up all of this stupid break up jokes.

所以我才搞了這麼多齣愚蠢的分手戲嗎

And then I realize

我現在領悟到

Breaking up isn't tough at all.

分手一點都不難

Breaking up is easy.

分手太輕易了

Most relationships end because people just give up on them

多數感情的結束是因為大家放棄經營

And ,I know now

我現在懂了

That...I'm not ready to give up on this.

就是，我還沒準備好跟你分手

Not just yet.

就是還沒

Well...

好吧

Neither am I.

我也是啊

Now I'm ready.

但我現在準備好了呵呵

What?

蛤？！

(phone buzzing)

手機響（注：訊息內容為「我覺得現在該分手啦」，Ryan完全在聲東擊西，趁對方鬆懈時再分手，但如同他最一開始說的，最絕又最爛的莫過於簡訊分手）