Not to improve their work ethic or anything,

並非要增進工作倫理或其他能力

but so that everyone knows what it's like to have that kind of job.

這樣一來，每個人都知道在裡頭工作的感受如何

They wouldn't work in fast-food their whole lives,

他們不會一輩子都在速食店工作

maybe just like, for six months.

可能只是工作半年左右

Just so they get a feel for it.

去體會在裡頭工作的滋味

So with that, let's talk about the time when I worked in fast food.

那麼，我要來談談我在速食店工作的故事

I used to work at a very small, local, sandwich shop.

我曾經在鄉下一間非常小的潛艇堡店工作

I don't know if any of you guys heard of it, it's called SOOUBWAY?

不曉得你們有沒有聽過，它叫Subway

Our spokesperson was in the news recently.

他的代言人才剛上新聞

I don't know if you guys look at the news.

我不曉得你們有沒有看到那則新聞，

Did you hear he got beat up in jail?

知道他在監獄被痛毆一番？

I kinda want to meet the person who beat up Jared, more than Jared.

比起Jared，我更想想認識痛毆他的人

Not in person, we wouldn't meet in person, obviously.

當然不是當面，我們不太有機會碰頭

But like, he would be behind bars,

但會像是他在牢房內

and I would just look at the guy who beat up my spokesperson.

我在外面瞧瞧這位痛毆Subway代言人的傢伙

How many people get to say that they beat up a fast-food icon, who was also a pedophile?

有多少人可以毒打有戀童癖的速食店代言人?

Only one, and it's that guy.

就只有他

Okay but seriously guys,

好，認真說起來

working at Subway was probably one of the most easiest jobs out there.

在Subway工作應該算是最輕鬆的工作之一

I don't know what I'm about to complain about it to you guys.

輕鬆到我不曉得能抱怨什麼

We got free cookies!

我們能拿到免費餅乾！

And you know the comic with the Subway's in Hell?

記得漫畫〈地獄裡的Subway〉

I was actually working at Subway when I made that comic.

我在Subway工作時創作了那個漫畫

I just think it had sort of a little bit of value to it.

我覺得這是在速食店工作的一點價值吧

You see, the owners, who were husband and wife...

經營者是一對夫妻

Can you believe it?

你能相信嗎?

...of the Subway I worked at, owned two stores.

他們經營兩家Subway，我在其中一家工作

One of the Subway stores was in a Walmart, on an Indian Reservation,

其中一家店在印第安保留地的沃爾瑪內

'cause we have those in Arizona,

亞瑞桑納州有一堆保留地

and the other Subway...

而另外一家Subway

...was the Subway I worked at.

就是我曾工作的地方

And since the Walmart store was always busy, the owners would spend 99% of their time at that store.

由於在沃爾瑪的分店總是很忙碌，那對夫妻老闆99%的時間都在那家分店

So I didn't really have a boss, most of the time.

所以大部分時間，我沒有老闆

On the off-chance the owners did show up,

他們偶爾出現

they would just pick up some food and then they would make sure I was making sandwiches the right way.

會外帶一些食物，並確保我按照步驟製作潛艇堡

And every time I made a sandwich in front of them, they would always find something wrong with it, without fail.

每次在他們面前做潛艇堡，他們總是能找到不對的部分

FEMALE OWNER: You put on too many olives.

女老闆：你放太多橄欖了

Do you know, according to the Subway formula,

你知道照著Subway的食譜，

you're only supposed to put on 8 olives on a foot long?

1呎(或12吋)的麵包上只能放8個橄欖？

EIGHT!

8個！

One for every other bite.

一口一個！

That's just ridiculous! Can you imagine someone just counting out 8 olives?

簡直太誇張！你能想像店員做潛艇堡時，一邊在算8個橄欖嗎？

Nobody does that!

根本沒有人這樣做！

I usually worked the closing shift,

我通常做晚班，會負責關店

and at the end of the night, we would turn the alarm and we would have 60 seconds to get out of the store.

關店前要啟動保全，我們必須要在一分鐘內要出去

But one time, I had the opening shift.

但是有一次，我值早班要負責開店

So I unlocked the door to get in with my key, and the alarm went,

我開門時，警鈴響了

*Beep*

嗶

*Beep*

嗶

meaning I had 60 seconds to turn it off.

表示我六十秒內要關掉警鈴

No big deal, right?

應該一點也不難，對吧？

I turned the alarm on all the time when I was closing.

因為我關店時都會啟動他

So I go to the little control panel, and I type in the code,

所以我走到控制板前，並輸入密碼

and nothing happens.

但什麼也沒發生

The beeping is still there and the clock is still ticking down.

依然嗶聲大響，時間繼續在倒數

So I go, "Okay, I'm going to press each button very carefully.

我深呼吸一口，「好，這次我要非常小心的按密碼，

I'm going to make sure each button makes a beep when I press it."

要確定每按一個按鈕，都有嗶聲。」

*Beep*

嗶

*Beep*

嗶

*Long Beep*

嗶～～～

Nothing still happens.

警鈴依然嗶嗶叫

So I go, "OKAY! I'm going to make sure to press each button, VERY CAREFULLY!"

我再深呼吸一口氣，「沒關係，這一次我會非、常、小、心的按每一個按鈕。」

And I start thinking, did they change the pass code without telling me?

我開始在想，「他們是不是換了密碼，卻沒告訴我？」

Was the only pass code I know, so we're just gonna try it again.

但這是我唯一知道的密碼，所以再試了一次

And I press each button, very carefully.

於是我非常小心的重按一次密碼

*Beep*

嗶

*Beep*

嗶

*Long Beep*

嗶～～～

And it goes quiet...

突然安靜下來

(Alarm Sound) AND THEN THE ALARM GOES OFF!

然後鈴聲大作

I still had, like, 20 seconds left,

我還剩二十秒

but I guess when you get it wrong 3 times, it automatically assumes that you're a burglar.

但我猜如果按錯三次，系統自動認定你是竊賊

(Alarm Sound) So while the alarm is going off,

（警鈴聲）所以當警鈴繼續作響時

I look on the contact sheet for the owner's cell phone number,

我查看一下通訊錄表單，找到老闆的手機號碼

I step outside, I call him, and he doesn't pick up.

我走出去打給他，他沒接

(Alarm Sound) So I go back inside, find the number for the other Subway store,

(警鈴聲)所以我回到店裡，找到另一家店的號碼

they open an hour before we do,

他們比我們早一個小時開店

Someone picks up with their stupid voice,

某人接起電話，用很愚蠢的聲音說，

"Oh, thank you for calling Subway, I'm...

「歡迎光臨Subway，我是

(Gibberish)

（快速不清的話）

...how may I help you?"

需要什麼服務呢?」

And I go, "Hey, is Mike there?"

「請問Mike在嗎？」

That's not his real name guys, don't worry.

這不是他的本名，別擔心

And they go, "Um, just a minute."

她說，「稍等一下。」

Yeah, sure, I have all the time in the world. The cops might be on their way, but take your time.

還有時間可以等？警察可能已經在過來的路上！好吧，你就盡管慢慢來吧

So, Mike picks up.

Mike終於接電話

MIKE: Hello?

Mike！你好

JAMES: Hey Mike, this is James. Uh, what's the pass code for the alarm?

James！哈囉，Mike，我是James，警報的密碼是多少？

MIKE: Who is this?

Mike：你是誰？

JAMES: It's James. What's the passcode?

James：我是James，密碼是多少？

MIKE: What are you doing there James?

Mike：你在店裡做什麼，James？

JAMES: WHY AREN'T YOU ANSWERING THE QUESTION?

James：你為什麼不回答問題？

I have the opening shift.

我要開店

MIKE: Is the alarm going off?

Mike：警鈴響了嗎？

JAMES: (Alarm Sound) Yeah. No one told me the new code.

James：（警鈴聲）對，沒有人跟我講新密碼

MIKE: Yeah, we changed it. It's the last 4 digits of your social security number.

Mike：我們更換了密碼，新密碼是你社會安全號碼後四碼

JAMES: Oh, oh, okay. Thanks Mike.

James：好謝囉，Mike

I DON'T KNOW MY SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER!

我不知道我的社會安全號碼！

So I finally get the alarm off,

我終於關掉警報

no one showed up, thankfully.

很幸運警察沒有出現

Which, I actually don't know if that's a good thing or not,

其實，我不知道這是好事還是壞事

now that I say it out loud.

現在不小心被我說出來了

We did have a store manager who would, like, make the schedule and sometimes tell us,

我們有一個店長，會排值班表和跟我們說

"Hey, can you guys do a better job at...

「你們可以工作時認真一點嗎」

your job?"

之類的話

But other than that, she was cool!

除此之外，她人很好

She watches my videos and so do her little brothers,

她常看我的影片，她弟弟們也是

They're big fans. Shout out to Ivan and Andy.

他們是我的頭號粉絲，為Ivan和Andy歡呼

Those are the brothers.

那是她弟弟們的名字

So get this, at Subway, you only work with one other person.

在Subway，你只會和另一個人一起工作

Just you and them in an empty Subway for 5 hours.

只有你們兩人在空蕩蕩的店裡待五小時

I mean we weren't, like, empty all the time. Okay?

不是永遠都空蕩蕩好嗎？

And when you're not making sandwiches, you have other stuff to do like,

我們沒有在做潛艇堡時，我們會做其他事像

stocking the chips or...

補架上的洋芋片或......

...we had stuff to do.

其他事情

But okay, we did watch a lot of Netflix and do homework, so I mean...

我們很常用Netflix看影片和做功課，所以我指......

(Gibberish)

（快速不清的話）

That other person you worked with, would make or break your entire shift.

同時段一起工作的同事，決定了上班的好壞

It wasn't the annoying customers. I kinda got used to annoying customers.

並不是惱人的顧客，因為我已經習慣了

So I worked with a lot of crappy people.

我和一群奇怪的人一起工作過

And I also worked with a lot of people who I would probably never become friends with

很多一起工作過的人，我可能幾乎不會和他們做朋友，

except in a work setting.

要不是因為工作的話

You see, you got to understand the type of people who got jobs at Subway.

現在，你必須了解到底是什麼樣的人會在Subway工作

Potheads.

他們吸大麻

Most of them were potheads.

很多都吸大麻

AND SOME OF THEM WERE REALLY COOL!

有一些則非常酷！

I'm just gonna go over a couple of the characters that I worked with.

接下來，我要講一些和我共事過的朋友

There was Tyler, I freakin love this guy. He smoked a lot of weed.

我超愛Tyler，他抽超多大麻

He actually told me what vaping was, and he got me into Clash of Clans.

他告訴我電子菸是什麼，還讓我迷上《部落衝突》

I actually mentioned him and his girlfriend in my riddles video.

我在另一部影片中有提到他和他的女友

I don't know if I ever told him that.

但不確定有沒有和他講過

And of course I have to mention Corey, he was cool.

然後我一定要提Corey，他超酷的

We watched "How To Get Away With Murderer" on Netflix,

我們一起看《逍遙法外》的影集

and I've also hung outside with him outside of work.

下班後我也會和他出去

What him and Tyler had in common is that they would actually do their job,

Tyler和Corey的共通點是，他們都很認真做他們的工作

Which you got to appreciate.

感謝他們罩我

Then there was this guy.

另外，還有一個傢伙

And get this,

你知道嗎？

who was also named Jared. And he was fat!

他叫Jared，然後他超胖

I KNOW, RIGHT?

很驚訝，對吧？

He's like... Jared, but before!

他就像減肥前的代言人Jared

He loved Marvel and that's, like, the only thing he would talk about.

他很愛漫威，也是他唯一會聊的話題

I can say these things. He dosen't watch my videos.

我可以這樣說是因為，他沒有看我的影片

There's Sarah. She was cool. She made me a bread bowl,

Sarah也很酷，她做了濃湯麵包盅給我

and her boyfriend, Jay.

她男朋友是Jay

He talked about chacras and...

他會聊查克拉和

...third eyes, he was...

第三隻眼的話題，他非常......

interesting.

特別

And also, there's Anthony. He's cool.

還有Anthony，他也很酷

What's up Anthony!

嗨，Anthony！

For the Hundred & Thousand sprinkles video,

有關彩色小糖球（Hundred & Thousand為品牌名稱）的影片

I actually went back to Subway to use their scale because I knew they had one,

因為我知道店裡有一台秤，所以回去店裡借用拍攝

and we counted 500 sprinkles again just to be more accurate for the Hundred & Thousand,

為了更精確，我們重新數了500個小糖球

and Anthony helped me count.

Anthony幫我完成這個任務

Instead of working.

然後沒有在工作

I mean, at least he got paid...

我是指，至少他還有拿薪水......

...minimum wage for it.

雖然是最低工資

So 2 more stories, before I go.

結束前，還有兩個小故事

One time...

有一次

Jared asked to take out this pile of trash,

Jared請我幫忙丟一堆垃圾

and I was like, "Oh, okay, I'll just put this pile of trash in the dumpster."

我心想，「好吧，我就把它們丟到大垃圾桶裡。」

And as I was taking it out, I saw that there was a chip poster in the pile.

去丟垃圾的路上，我發現有一張海報

And I thought, "This is too cool to throw away. I'm going to keep it."

我心想，「這海報蠻好看的，丟掉太可惜了，不如留下來。」

So I took it home with me, and then the next day, when I went in,

我便把海報帶回家。隔天當我走進店裡時

people were saying, "Oh, where's the chip poster?

大夥議論紛紛，「那張洋芋片海報在哪裡?

We can't find the chip poster! We ha-

到處都找不到......

We haven't seen it anywhere!"

去哪裡呢？」

And I'm thinking,

我心裡一愣

(Whispers) "I have the poster."

（竊竊私語）在我這裡

I decide not to tell anyone that I had the poster,

我決定不告訴其他人

and it's still hanging up in my room.

那張海報還貼在我房間裡

(Whispers) Sorry boss if you're finding out about this now.

（輕聲細語）老闆，抱歉啦！現在才讓你知道事實

Okay, then the other story,

好，跳到另一個故事

I was working with the manager and we were just making sandwiches like usual,

我和經理一起工作，像平常一樣做潛艇堡

and I noticed that when we toasted a sandwich, it would burn the paper a little on the edges.

我注意到烤麵包的烘焙紙被燒掉一小塊

"That probably shouldn't be happening."

「這不應該發生阿！」

So then a customer asks for just bacon toasted.

接著，有一位客人要求只烤培根

And the boss lady put some bacon on paper, and then puts it in the toaster.

女經理就把一如往常的，將培根放在烘焙紙上，放進去烤箱

And we don't have a setting for just bacon.

但烤箱並沒有烤培根的設定

So then when she opens the toaster,

所以當她打開烤箱時

There was a fire, on the bacon!

發現培根著火了

So then she starts to wack it with the little, metal, tray thing,

她開始搧動金屬烤網

but all she ended up doing was fanning the flames, making the fire bigger.

但只是搧風點火，讓火勢更大

*Fire Sound*

著火聲

"Uh, you got this, right?"

「你沒問題吧？」

Then I went in the back and I got the fire extinguisher and I actually used it!

接著，我到後方拿滅火器，然後真的「用滅火器」來撲滅火勢

I single-handedly saved that Subway!

我一人拯救了整間Subway

Wait.

等等

What have I done?

我做了什麼？

BOSS LADY: Is it okay if the bacon's a little crispy?

女經理：希望您不介意培根有點過酥

And has nitrogen and carbon dioxide stuff on it?

還佐碳氮化合物?

Wow, I didn't even mention a single bad customer experience.

我居然沒有提到任何一個惱人的顧客服務經驗

Well, I don't want the video to be too long

但我也不想要一部影片太長

I should make a part 2.

我來做第二集好了

I'm gonna make a part 2 and it's just gonna be stories about annoying customers that I had to deal with.

第二集的主題會是我服務過的奧客

And if anyone I used to work with is watching, and I didn't mention you,

假如你和我工作過，但我沒有提到你

It's because I hate you.

那是因為我討厭你！