- Maybe.

你還沒喝夠嗎?

- Oh god dammit.

喔，天殺的來了

A bunch a good looking people just walked in.

一群正妹帥哥進來了

- Why is that a problem?

怎麼了嗎?

Is it because you're gonna be self conscious

你是不是開始覺得

about your looks?

自己長得沒有他帥?

- Is it because they're bad at conversation

還是因為它他們不注意言談

because they never had to learn?

也從來沒有試著改善?

- Ooh, they remind you of unattainable social standards.

還是說，他們讓你覺得自己的社會地位不如他們

- No, it's 'cause now I'm gonna have to go over there

才不是，是因為我現在就要過去

to try to fuck all of them!

把他們給電爆好嘛!

- Grant!

Grant你是吃錯藥嘛!

- Hey, I don't like it either.

拜託，你們以為我很喜歡這樣嗎?

Trying to fuck good looking people's hard work.

這種電爆帥哥美女的工作誰要做

- Can't you take a night off?

你今晚就不能放鬆一下嗎?

- Yeah, can you imagine?!

我可不敢說

Let me know if I owe someone money for the beer.

有欠啤酒錢再找我算

- Hey, I'm serious!

唉，我認真的好嘛!

- If I don't do this tonight, I'm gonna regret it tomorrow!

今晚不行動，更待何時?

- There will always be hot people, okay?!

帥哥美女到處都是，好嗎?

They're a renewable resource.

天下無處不是芳草

- Yeah, you're right.

妳說的沒錯

You guys are my friends.

你們真的是我的好朋友

Friends are more important than work.

朋友比工作來的重要

- Okay, tryin' to hook up with people isn't work.

刻意把哥把妹是不行的

But good.

但也絕非壞事

- Are you on Tinder right now?

你現在該不會在Tinder(交友軟體線)上吧?

- And Bumble and Grinder.

還有Bumble跟Grinder

Well, you know these apps make it

妳可知道這些軟體

so you never get a night off.

會讓妳一夜不得安寧

You know--

你們能理解嗎?

- No.

不能

- In alotta ways--

大概就是這個意思

- Our connected world means we're less connected than ever.

網路世界反倒讓我們變得更「亡路」了

- I hate how focused on this you are right now.

我不喜歡你這麼地專注在這件事情上

- I hate that you hate that I love to love!

我才不喜歡妳討厭我喜愛的事情吧!

- What?!

蝦米?

- And loving, in this case, means trying to bag attractives.

依我看來，熱愛自己想做的事有一種魅力

- Oh, awful.

喔，你還真說得出口

- Is it awful to work hard at what you love?

做自己喜歡的事有甚麼不對?

I am, in the immortal words of John Lennon,

我引用一位勞工階級英雄約翰藍儂

a working class hero.

說的一句不朽名言

- Again, not work.

那又怎樣?

- And couldn't the workers use a hero these days?

把英雄端出來有做錯嗎?

- Please stop.

停了好嘛!

- Just as Davinci never slept,

「就像達文西一夜不眠

so too will I never shrink from my duty

我也不會從

of trying to stick it in some quality wet.

廢寢忘食的熱情抽離」

- Gross!

好八股喔!

- What separates the dreamers from the achievers?

這就是做白日夢與夢想實踐家的差別!

- How about having the self respect

你不能自重一下

not to go and bother a bunch of strangers in public?

不要過去打擾別人嗎?

- Drive.

前進!

- Why are you like this?

你這樣成何體統!

- Gosh, ya know, I guess it's because I'm from the Midwest,

我只能說，因為我來自中西部

where we believe in hard work.

那裏的人都勤勞地工作著

We believe in this nation of possibilities.

我們相信沒有不可能的事

This is America. In America, we rolled up our sleeves

這就是美國，在這裡我們挽起袖子

and say "What can I do, how can I be of service?"

問自己:「我能做甚麼? 我能付出甚麼?」

- Oh, not another monologue.

喔，又在自言自語了

- And what I can do is try to ball

我能做的就是

good looking young people, because the only thing harder

墊爆年輕的型男正妹，真正困難的

than going after what you want to achieve

不是追尋你的目標

is looking at yourself in the mirror if you don't even try!

而是跨出你站在原地的那一步

So while I may want to stay with you, my friends,

所以，同志們，我要和你們並肩

my comfort and my safety, I am duty bound

我的歸屬感與安全感，我充滿使命感

to try to hump those probably models.

要電爆這些型男正妹

For may I never be too busy to try

對於電爆在舒適圈的陌生人

to eat out a stranger at their apartment,

我從未感到自顧不暇

too tired to teach a college student how to give a hand job

孜孜不倦地指導大學生如何打手槍

too proud to daisy chain.

對女女春宮秀不恥下問

May I always be American.

我以身為美國人為榮

- Rootin' for ya, Mike. Bon Chance.

以你為榮，Mike。祝你好運!(法語)

Thanks brother.

謝啦! 兄弟

- Oh yeah, no, I hate him.

我的媽呀! 我不喜歡他

- Yeah.

我也是

He always ends up doing this, too.

反正每次到最後都是那樣

- 'Preciate it.

感謝您!

- Hey, what happened?!

那邊怎樣?

- Oh, they heard me talking.

他們一聽我講話

They think I'm a creep.

就覺得我是怪咖

- Hi, I'm Shavonne from College Humor.

大家好! 我是College Humor的Shavonne

Click over here to subscribe, and click here

點一下這裡訂閱我們的頻道，點一下這裡

for more fun stuff ya filthy animals!

有更多好笑、更低級的等著你!

I was abandoned in this office

我十歲就被我爸媽

when I was 10 years old by my parents.

遺棄在這間辦公室裡頭

I've only eaten pizza for such a long time.

我一直都只吃披薩充飢

I think I have scurvy!

我覺得我得壞血病了!