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  • I was supposed to drink the coins, right?

    我是不是要連這塊硬幣都喝下去呀?

  • - Maybe.

    你還沒喝夠嗎?

  • - Oh god dammit.

    喔,天殺的來了

  • A bunch a good looking people just walked in.

    一群正妹帥哥進來了

  • - Why is that a problem?

    怎麼了嗎?

  • Is it because you're gonna be self conscious

    你是不是開始覺得

  • about your looks?

    自己長得沒有他帥?

  • - Is it because they're bad at conversation

    還是因為它他們不注意言談

  • because they never had to learn?

    也從來沒有試著改善?

  • - Ooh, they remind you of unattainable social standards.

    還是說,他們讓你覺得自己的社會地位不如他們

  • - No, it's 'cause now I'm gonna have to go over there

    才不是,是因為我現在就要過去

  • to try to fuck all of them!

    把他們給電爆好嘛!

  • - Grant!

    Grant你是吃錯藥嘛!

  • - Hey, I don't like it either.

    拜託,你們以為我很喜歡這樣嗎?

  • Trying to fuck good looking people's hard work.

    這種電爆帥哥美女的工作誰要做

  • - Can't you take a night off?

    你今晚就不能放鬆一下嗎?

  • - Yeah, can you imagine?!

    我可不敢說

  • Let me know if I owe someone money for the beer.

    有欠啤酒錢再找我算

  • - Hey, I'm serious!

    唉,我認真的好嘛!

  • - If I don't do this tonight, I'm gonna regret it tomorrow!

    今晚不行動,更待何時?

  • - There will always be hot people, okay?!

    帥哥美女到處都是,好嗎?

  • They're a renewable resource.

    天下無處不是芳草

  • - Yeah, you're right.

    妳說的沒錯

  • You guys are my friends.

    你們真的是我的好朋友

  • Friends are more important than work.

    朋友比工作來的重要

  • - Okay, tryin' to hook up with people isn't work.

    刻意把哥把妹是不行的

  • But good.

    但也絕非壞事

  • - Are you on Tinder right now?

    你現在該不會在Tinder(交友軟體線)上吧?

  • - And Bumble and Grinder.

    還有Bumble跟Grinder

  • Well, you know these apps make it

    妳可知道這些軟體

  • so you never get a night off.

    會讓妳一夜不得安寧

  • You know--

    你們能理解嗎?

  • - No.

    不能

  • - In alotta ways--

    大概就是這個意思

  • - Our connected world means we're less connected than ever.

    網路世界反倒讓我們變得更「亡路」了

  • - I hate how focused on this you are right now.

    我不喜歡你這麼地專注在這件事情上

  • - I hate that you hate that I love to love!

    我才不喜歡妳討厭我喜愛的事情吧!

  • - What?!

    蝦米?

  • - And loving, in this case, means trying to bag attractives.

    依我看來,熱愛自己想做的事有一種魅力

  • - Oh, awful.

    喔,你還真說得出口

  • - Is it awful to work hard at what you love?

    做自己喜歡的事有甚麼不對?

  • I am, in the immortal words of John Lennon,

    我引用一位勞工階級英雄約翰藍儂

  • a working class hero.

    說的一句不朽名言

  • - Again, not work.

    那又怎樣?

  • - And couldn't the workers use a hero these days?

    把英雄端出來有做錯嗎?

  • - Please stop.

    停了好嘛!

  • - Just as Davinci never slept,

    「就像達文西一夜不眠

  • so too will I never shrink from my duty

    我也不會從

  • of trying to stick it in some quality wet.

    廢寢忘食的熱情抽離」

  • - Gross!

    好八股喔!

  • - What separates the dreamers from the achievers?

    這就是做白日夢與夢想實踐家的差別!

  • - How about having the self respect

    你不能自重一下

  • not to go and bother a bunch of strangers in public?

    不要過去打擾別人嗎?

  • - Drive.

    前進!

  • - Why are you like this?

    你這樣成何體統!

  • - Gosh, ya know, I guess it's because I'm from the Midwest,

    我只能說,因為我來自中西部

  • where we believe in hard work.

    那裏的人都勤勞地工作著

  • We believe in this nation of possibilities.

    我們相信沒有不可能的事

  • This is America. In America, we rolled up our sleeves

    這就是美國,在這裡我們挽起袖子

  • and say "What can I do, how can I be of service?"

    問自己:「我能做甚麼? 我能付出甚麼?」

  • - Oh, not another monologue.

    喔,又在自言自語了

  • - And what I can do is try to ball

    我能做的就是

  • good looking young people, because the only thing harder

    墊爆年輕的型男正妹,真正困難的

  • than going after what you want to achieve

    不是追尋你的目標

  • is looking at yourself in the mirror if you don't even try!

    而是跨出你站在原地的那一步

  • So while I may want to stay with you, my friends,

    所以,同志們,我要和你們並肩

  • my comfort and my safety, I am duty bound

    我的歸屬感與安全感,我充滿使命感

  • to try to hump those probably models.

    要電爆這些型男正妹

  • For may I never be too busy to try

    對於電爆在舒適圈的陌生人

  • to eat out a stranger at their apartment,

    我從未感到自顧不暇

  • too tired to teach a college student how to give a hand job

    孜孜不倦地指導大學生如何打手槍

  • too proud to daisy chain.

    對女女春宮秀不恥下問

  • May I always be American.

    我以身為美國人為榮

  • - Rootin' for ya, Mike. Bon Chance.

    以你為榮,Mike。祝你好運!(法語)

  • Thanks brother.

    謝啦! 兄弟

  • - Oh yeah, no, I hate him.

    我的媽呀! 我不喜歡他

  • - Yeah.

    我也是

  • He always ends up doing this, too.

    反正每次到最後都是那樣

  • - 'Preciate it.

    感謝您!

  • - Hey, what happened?!

    那邊怎樣?

  • - Oh, they heard me talking.

    他們一聽我講話

  • They think I'm a creep.

    就覺得我是怪咖

  • - Hi, I'm Shavonne from College Humor.

    大家好! 我是College Humor的Shavonne

  • Click over here to subscribe, and click here

    點一下這裡訂閱我們的頻道,點一下這裡

  • for more fun stuff ya filthy animals!

    有更多好笑、更低級的等著你!

  • I was abandoned in this office

    我十歲就被我爸媽

  • when I was 10 years old by my parents.

    遺棄在這間辦公室裡頭

  • I've only eaten pizza for such a long time.

    我一直都只吃披薩充飢

  • I think I have scurvy!

    我覺得我得壞血病了!

I was supposed to drink the coins, right?

我是不是要連這塊硬幣都喝下去呀?

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