Son, it's time for bed.

兒子，該上床睡覺囉

But daddy, I'm having such a good game.

但是爸比，我正玩得開心耶

James, it's far too late for boys of your age to be up. It‘s 12:37 at night

James，已經半夜12:37了，你不該那麼晚還沒睡

But I'm not even sleepy! Can't I have a story first?

可是我一點都不累啊！可以先講個故事給我聽嗎？

(sigh) alright, just one though.

（嘆氣）好吧！只講一個喔！

Now, what would you like me to read you?

你想聽什麼故事呢？

Peter Rabbit?

彼得兔？

Mmmmm...

嗯......

Goldilocks and the Three Bears?

金鎖姑娘和三隻小熊？

Hmmm...

誒都......

How about...

那不然

The Story of the 2016 U.S. Presidential Election?

2016 美國總統大選傳奇？

YES! That one! That one! That one! Yes!

沒錯！就是這個！耶！

Alright.

好

Once upon the time, in a land called America

很久很久以前，有一個國度叫做美國

where there were states of blue to the North and states of red to the South

北方有藍色的州、南邊則有美麗的紅

And a beautiful White House in between

還有美麗的白宮座落於此

Lived a lady, who wanted to rule the kingdom very much

這片土地上住了一位非常想要治理這個國度的女士

Very very much

希拉蕊之心，路人皆知

Some would say, too much...

有些人覺得她太過於野心勃勃了

And she wore a jacket of beige

這位女士總穿著米色的外套

and trousers of beige

米色的長褲

and shoes of beige

還有一雙米色的鞋

And she walked the land telling everyone that would listen

她走遍了整個國度告訴每一個人

that she was the best ruler for that land

她是這片土地最為應天順民的統治者

even though her husband has once ruled that kingdom

儘管她的先生曾經領導這座國度

this kingdom had never been ruled by a lady

這座國度卻從來沒出現過女性領導者

And so she set up a long journey to that beautiful White House

所以呢，為了入主美麗的白宮，她展開了一趟漫長的旅程

but along the way she got lost in a forest

但途中她在一座森林裡迷路了

A scary forest?

是座陰森的森林嗎？

Scariest forest!

令人毛骨悚然！

In this forest, there were lots of computers

在這座森林裡，有超多台電腦

And all those computers...are EMAILS!

而這些電腦都充滿著....電子郵件！

Emails?

電子郵件？

Yes, emails.

沒錯，電子郵件

But, the lady had special power to make them disappear

不過呢，這位女性有特異功能，讓這些郵件憑空消失

Disappear? Where did they go?

消失不見？那它們去哪了？

Nobody knows, son.

兒子，沒有人知道啊

apparently neither did she.

顯然她自己也說不上來

And also there were scary creatures in that forest

同時呢，這座森林裡面還住著可怕的生物

There were trolls, and a fox who delivered BAD news

像是酸民以及一隻總是帶來壞消息的狐狸

The news FOX

FOX 新聞！

And, house selected committee on Benghazi

還有調查班加西事件的國會

BENGHAZI!

班加西！

Things got scary, very scary for the lady

事情日益不樂觀、陷入膠著

She was nearly defeated by an old old man with hair of white and face like wizard

她必須先打敗一位滿頭白髮，看起來像是個巫師的老人

He said he could take from the rich and give to the poor

這位老人說他可以劫富濟貧

no matter how impossible his plans were

姑且不論他的計畫聽起來多麽荒腔走板

He sounds cool!

他好酷喔！

But even she when she got passed those creatures the lady still wasn't out of the forest

儘管這位女性打敗了這些生物，森林迷宮卻越趨撲朔迷離

for standing between her and the beautiful White House was the most terrifying creature of all

全世界最可怕的怪物阻擋了她前往美麗白宮的去路

The BIG-ORANGE-MONSTER!

大橘怪！

Was his face orange or was his hair orange?

他的臉是橘色的嗎？還是他的頭髮是橘色的？

Somehow son...BOTH

兒子...以上皆是啊

So this orange monster had already swallowed 16 other monsters in the forest

這隻大橘怪吞噬了森林裡其他 16 隻怪物

A prince named Jeb who thought that the land should belong to him

Jeb, 一個認為這片土地屬於他的王子

A sleeping beauty named Ben, who only spoke with his eyes closed

一個睡美人 Ben，連他說話時眼睛都閉著

And a Texas senator named Ted, who came from the Tea party

還有一個從茶黨出身的德州的參議員 Ted

Oh! a tea party! Can we have a tea party, daddy?

喔！茶派對耶！爸比我們可以辦一個茶派對嗎？

James! Focus! I'm telling you a story.

James 你可以不要分心嗎！專心聽故事

Still, nobody expected the orange monster to rule the land because although his head was very very big

僅怪這隻大橘怪的頭超級超級大，沒有人認為他可以來掌管這片土地

his wisdom was very very tiny, like his tiny tiny baby hands

他睿智的程度可能用他的小手就比得出來

And whenever he was told that he couldn't rule the land

還有每當別人認為他不可能掌控這個國度時

the orange monster said

大橘怪總說

I'll huff...and I'll puff...and put a ban on all Muslims

我會用力吹氣、一陣一陣地吹，直到穆斯林通通被我趕走

He could do that?

他怎麼可以這樣做？

well, he wanted to

嗯...他當然想啊

Because even though the America was a diverse land of opportunity, the monster wanted to build a big giant wall

儘管美國是個機會無窮的國度，這隻怪物想要蓋一座城牆

A wall?

一座牆？

A wall to keep out boys and girls from far away lands like Mexico

讓這個國度可以與墨西哥隔絕的牆

Even Mexico?

墨西哥？

Especially Mexico

尤其是墨西哥

For the monster didn't care for anybody who wasn't like him

這隻怪物討厭任何跟他不一樣的人

Not Mexicans, not the kingdom's black president

他不喜歡墨西哥人、也不喜歡這個國度的現任黑人總統

not even Rosie O'Donnell

更不喜歡 Rosie O'Donnell

The comedian Rosie O'Donnell? But why?

那個喜劇演員 Rosie O'Donnell？為什麼？

Because James, she's a LADY

James，因為她也是位女性

And since the orange monster's so cruel to so many ladies

也因為這隻大橘怪對很多女性超壞

the stakes in this 2016 presidential election were very very high

2016 總統大選的風險變得超級的高

But if any future monster wanted to say boys and girls aren't equal

但是如果在未來有任何怪物歧視女性、說女人壞話

Americans would know that the lady, with beige trousers suit, made it through the scary forest

美國人終將記得一位身穿米色套裝的女性，攻破了陰森的森林

and passed the orange monster, and all the way to the beautiful White House

打倒了大橘怪，最終邁向美麗的白宮

The end? But daddy, did the lady make it to the White House?

結束了嗎？但是爸比，這位女士最終有沒有成功抵達白宮呢？

Tell me did the lady make it to the big White House?

快告訴我她有沒有成功啦！

We can't tell it yet son...

兒子，我們還不知道...

neither can the polls

就連民調也無法看出...

Let's just hope that when you wake up in the morning every man and woman in the America has turned out to vote

我們只能暗自希望明天破曉之時，舉國上下的每一個人都現身投票

Because no matter what your political affiliations are, you have a civic duty to vote

因為不管你的政治立場為何，你有義務去投下那一票

and as long as you do, no one can tell you that this election was rigged

只要你這麼做了，沒有人能夠亂說這場選舉是被陰的！

Where...where are you looking daddy?

呃...爸比...你在跟誰說話啊？

no one in particular..that's it

沒事沒事...就這樣

Good night

晚安

But daddy... the big orange monster won't grab me in the night, will he?

但是爸比...這隻大橘怪晚上不會來把我抓走吧？

Of course not, son

當然不會呀！

What about my Pussy?

那我的小貓咪呢？

Will he try to grab my Pussy?

他會抓我的小貓咪嗎？

ehhh...

呃...

good night, son!

兒子，晚安囉！