Are you struggling to get a job or perhaps you just wanna make extra cash that you get to keep a fraction of

你很努力找工作嗎？ 或者你只想得到一小部分額外的薪水？

Do you wear too much cologne?

你噴太多香水？

Well then tuber driving could be the perfect job for you!

好吧，那麼Tuber司機對你來說可能是個完美的工作！

(Woah-oh-oh-oh-oh music)

當一個Tuber司機可以固定你的生活！

Being a TUBER driver could set you for life!

我們的研究表示，Tuber司機平均一小時可以賺20元

Our studies show that the average TUBER driver makes 20$ an hour.

20美元!!!

20 dollars!!!

比Bernie Sanders還多5元...或是其他像這樣的 （註: Bernie Sanders 是美國聯邦參議員）

That's 5$ more than Bernie Sanders makes... or something like that.

當然你必須支付給Tuber你賺的每一分錢

Of course for every dollar you make you have to pay your share to TUBER,

因為，我的意思是，畢竟我們做了所有的工作

because, I mean, we are the ones doing all the work after all.

你必須要自己加油，那是你的問題，而不是我們的

And you have to pay for your own gas, that's your problem, not ours.

而且你必須使用你自己的私人車

and you do have to use your own personal car.

還有我們不負責汽車折舊

And we're not responsible for car depreciation.

更不用提稅金，當然是你付

And not to mention taxes, that's on you too.

哦，還有還有，你也必須顧及到一些小小的開支

oh, and also there are some minor expenses that you have to take care of as well.

在TUBER我們要求所有的司機在每一次載客 提供至少2瓶 Fije水、口香糖和iPhone充電器

At TUBER we do require all of our drivers to provide atleast two Fije waters, gum, and an iphone charger for every single ride.

但是，iPhone的充電器可以有最短的線， 因為它實際上比你想像的更便宜！

But, the iphone charger can be the one with the shortest cord so it's actually allot cheaper than you think!

在這裡，我們 TUBER 為我們的客戶提供質量和安全

($Cha-ching$)

這就是為什麼我們為所有的司機進行廣泛的背景調查！

Here at TUBER we are all about the quality and safety for our customers

所有你需要做的就是發送自己的照片 然後我們的團隊會掃描整個背景

Which is why we perform extensive background checks on all of our drivers!

對於任何不好的事

All you have to do is send in a picture of yourself and our team scans the entire background

如果他們沒有找到任何東西， 你就通過了背景檢查

for anything bad,

歡迎成為TUBER司機

and if they don't find anything you pass the background check (Success!)

一旦你成為司機，下一步就是選擇你的駕駛風格

Welcome to TUBER you're a driver!

有很多不同的風格可供選擇

Once you become a driver the next step is to choose your style of driving.

你只需要找到你最適合的風格

There's so many different styles to choose from,

例如，我們有經典的私人司機

you just have to find the style the fits you best.

那個人問了很多私人的問題

For example, we have the classic personal driver

我看那邊有好多袋子喔，你今天去了很多旅行？

who's that one guy who asks way too many personal questions

呃哼

I see you got allot of bags back there, you doing a lot of traveling today?

那麼你去了哪裡？

Uh hmm.

加州

Well where ya headed to?

幹什麼？

California.

就是....為了商業那類的

Oh, what for?

不錯，像是那種娛樂那類的

Jussssst some business stuff.

或是像是烹飪那類的

Nice, is that like entertainment stuff,

我...嗯...是賣股票的

like culinary stuuuff

真的？股票

I, uhhh, sell stocks

你賺很多錢嗎？

Really? Stocks.

你住在一個漂亮的房子那類的？

You make allot of money?

在哪裡？

You live in a nice house and stuff?

你的社會安全號碼幾號？

Where ya headed to? (sighs)

想要有一些額外的小費嗎？ 我們有「擁有傷心的故事」的司機

What's your social security number?

是啊，她最近一直很艱難，你知道嗎？

Wanna make some extra tips? we have the sob story driver.

我只是一直覺得很累

Yeah, she's been really tough lately, you know?

我剛下12小時的輪班

I'm just tired all the time,

嘗試要付這個月的房租，你知道嗎？

I just got off a 12 hour shift,

還希望我能儲存一些食物

trying to pay my rent this month you know?

上個月生了雙胞胎

And hopefully I'd be able to save up for some food

我們有令人毛骨悚然的司機， 他不答謝你或者在整個旅程中沒說任何話

Had twins last month,

正如我們前面提到的，擦太多香水的司機

We have the creepy driver who doesn't acknowledge you or say anything the entire ride.

哦，哦對不起，這裡很臭嗎？

As we mentioned earlier, the way too much cologne driver.

這裡

Oh, oh I'm sorry does it stink in here?

藍牙耳機司機用另一種語言在整個旅程中大聲聊天

Here (sprays liquefied zombie juice)

(不同語言)你準備好了？ 我在停車，哦~~~這真令人興奮耶~~~

(Coughs)

憤怒司機

The bluetooth driver who talks incredibly loud in another language the entire ride.

你只會他X的打斷我像這樣？

In a different language: Are you ready, I'm parking him in, oh this will be exciting!!!

留在你他X的車道那邊，XX的

The road rager.

服用某些藥物或只是真的很困的司機

You're gonna just ****ing cut me off like that?

看過「玩命關頭」的司機

Stay on your ****ing side of the lane, **** ****

認為不需要導航的司機

The either he's on drugs or just really sleepy driver

我之前好像來過這條街...

(Tires screech as car turns)

它一定移動到了別的地方

Thee I just watched a fast and furious movie driver

根本不知道怎麼用導航的司機

(Vroom VROOOOM)

你知道要如何恢復導航？

(Water spills all over the backseat)

這是不是一個相機？

(Tires screech as car turns [again])

還有就是只聽導航的司機

The driver who THINKS he doesn't need navigation.

我家就要到了...這裡

I've been on this street before...

噢！我們已經經過了

they must've moved it somewhere

不，導航說，我們還有6英里

The driver who doesn't know how to use navigation.

還有這麼多的可能性是無窮無盡的

Do you know how to get back to the navigation?

不同風格來講

Is it the one that says camera?

TUBER提供了很多不同類型的TUBER，人們可以訂購

And the driver who only listens to navigation.

因此，對於我們所有的司機

My house is coming up riiiiight... here.

你可以選擇TUBER開車方式

Oh, we just passed it

就像我們的競爭對手

Nope, GPS says we got six more miles to go

我們有所有原始的選項

And so much more the possibilities are endless.

Tuber XL

Speaking of different styles,

TUBER X

TUBER offers a bunch of different kind of TUBERS the people can order

TUBER BLACK

So for all of our drivers,

但是，我們確實修改它們一點， 讓我們更加獨創

you can choose which kind of TUBER you drive.

意思不是非常大

Just like our competitors,

TUBER XL現在代表非常的小

we have all the original options,

這些都是給所有司機，你在車上有很多的東西

Tuber XL,

所以你只適合特別小的旅客

TUBER X

對於我們的競爭對手，我們真的不知道X代表什麼

and TUBER BLACK

但是，有了TUBER

But we did modify them a little bit to make us more original;

當您選擇TUBER X，您只需要去接你的前任

Rather than meaning Xtra Large,

對於司機來說在外面窺探前任的房子很完美

TUBER XL now stands for XTRA LITTLE.

因為他們打電話給你，你就已經在那裡了！

And this is for all of you drivers who have a lot of stuff in your car

對於TUBER BLACK這個選項 似乎真的對我們來說太過急躁了

so you can only fit XTRA LITTLE passengers

所以我們實際上把它稱為TUBER WANNABE BLACK

we're not really sure what X stands for for our competitors

而這個選項來自一個亞洲街頭女孩還引用籃球術語

but, with TUBER,

嘿yo，哇擦，我是你的女孩「小骯髒」

When you choose TUBER X, you're only gonna pick up your EXs

我是你的TUBER司機

which is perfect for all you drivers out there who already camp outside of your EXs house

即將要擋拆了

because they call you and you're already there! (TADA)

準備好出發了嗎？

the black option actually seemed too edgy for us,

切到鋤頭？

so we actually called it TUBER WANNABE BLACK

隔-離...好吧我們走吧！

and this option comes with a little getto asian girl who makes basketball refrences.

如果你沒有車我們也其他選項：

Hey, yo, wassup, it's your girl lil nasty.

TUBER摩托車，你坐在摩托車後面

I'm your TUBER driver.

TUBER自行車，你坐在自行車後面

about to pick and roll

TUBER滑板

ready to go?

TUBER滑板車

Cut to the hoe?

TUBER某個流行的東西...流行個一天

iso-lation... alright lets go!

當然，我們最近有一個很流行

and if you don't have a car we have other options for TUBER aswell

「TUBER你」，你恰好在YouTuber的背後

TUBER motorcycle, where you ride on the back of a motorcycle

哇！這真是一個偉大的合作！

TUBER bike, where you ride on the back place of a bike.

而且你有一個很棒的音響系統

TUBER Skate

謝謝，這全是因為我的重低音

TUBER Scoot

在這裡有他們

TUBER this thing that was popular........ for a day

哇，好棒，方便又簡單耶！

(Only five of those were burned during the filming of this commercial)

等等...我們現在要去哪裡？

And ofcouse, one of our more recently popular,

去頂端！

TUBER You, where you just right the back of a Youtuber.

好，走吧！

wow! This is a great collab!

與TUBER，你可以讓你的夢想成真。

And what a great sound system you have!

無論是賺更多的錢

Thanks, it's all because of my subs,

或者讓陌生人進入你的個人空間

Here, have them.

或者通過提供較便宜的運輸方式拯救世界

Woah, how awesome, convenient, and simple!

TUBER，是你的工作

(Ding!)

所以你還等什麼？今天跟TUBER簽約然後...

(Please kill us)

就在剛剛

Wait... where are we going right now?

一名持槍男子被壓制在市中心的一個停車場建築裡

To the TOP! (As if we're not there already)

道路被封鎖，人們被要求撤離

Alright lets go!

但他們無法到達他們的車子那邊

(Double cheerful joy that will soon turn to ashes in---)

因此我們將繼續更新直播

See with TUBER, you can make all of your dreams come true.

你知道這意味著什麼

whether it's making more money,

是時候讓TUBER來拯救了

or letting random people into your personal space

價格飆升

or just saving the world by providing a cheaper way of transportation.

TUBER價格飆升 有三倍的價格被申請

TUBER, is the job for you.

只要你準備好的話...

So what are you waiting for? sign up with TUBER today And---

哇...兄弟...

this is just in,

多一點TUBER...多一點TUBER...多一點TUBER...

a gunman is holding down a downtown parking structure.

TUBER...機車?

Roads are blocked off and people are being asked to evacuate.

這怪異的桌子

But they are unable to get to the car,

你!

so we will be keeping you live updated (TV static and clicks off)

You know what that means,

it's time for TUBER... (Nods) to save the day.

(Oh shit)

(Too many ring tones, HELP!)

(Triple surge rates, WHAAAA)

(All people "Vroom" away)

TEEHEE

(crew): Whenever you're ready

Whooa dude!

TUBER mort... TUBER mort... TUBER... TUBER mort?

TUBER mortar-cycle?

[coughs]

[as if high] who-hoo-hoooo!

This our freaking table.

You!