So the other day I was listening to music with a friend who asked,

有一天，我與朋友一起聽音樂時，

"How tall do you think Taylor Swift is?"

他忽然問到:「你覺得泰勒絲多高呀？」

Uh, like two meters?

呃... 差不多兩公尺吧？

You think?

是嗎？

She looks pretty tall. Maybe three meters?

她感覺蠻高的，搞不好有三公尺？

What? Nobody is 3 meters. That's like over 9 feet.

蛤？不可能有人三公尺高啊！

I take it back. Two meters. I wanna go back to two meters.

好吧，我收回。那應該就是兩公尺吧！

How tall is Taylor Swift?

泰勒絲有多高？

Taylor Swift is 1.78 meters tall.

泰勒絲 178 公分

Aye, that's kind of what I thought.

啊，跟我想像中差不多！

Who the fuck measured Taylor Swift?!

到底是誰幫她量身高的啊？！

I don't know. They have the heights of a whole bunch of people. See?

不知道耶，這邊還有其他人的身高

Ariana Grande, Calvin Harris, Karlie Kloss...

亞莉安娜、凱文哈里斯、名模凱莉...

Give me that!

我看看！

How tall is George Clooney?

喬治·克隆尼有多高？

George Clooney is 1.8 meters tall

喬治·克隆尼 180公分

How tall is Oprah?

歐普拉多高呢？

Oprah Winfrey is 1.69 meters tall

歐普拉 169公分

How tall is Adele?

艾黛兒多高呢？

Adele is 1.75 meters tall.

艾黛兒 175公分

WHO ARE YOU? WHO MEASURES PEOPLE?

你到底是誰？？？誰幫大家量身高的啊？

Hyacinth Cook is a professional height data collector.

海欣·庫克是個專業身高採集員

From her studio apartment, she runs a small business "Height Helpers".

她在自家公寓草創了「身高小幫手」

Providing celebrity heights to clients, such as Google, the National Security Agency, Interpol, and Grant.

提供明星的身高給客戶：像是谷歌、國安局、國際刑警，還有 Grant

I just like knowing people's heights.

我就是想要知道別人的身高

I guess I knew from the first moment, that I asked myself, "how tall is Brad Pitt?"

我曾問：「布萊德彼特多高啊？」那一瞬間我豁然開朗

Like if we would ever date, would I be too tall next to him if I wore high heels to like a premiere?

如果我們約會的話，我穿著高跟鞋陪他出席首映會是否會太高呢？

And I thought to myself, this is a question that other people must be asking.

我那時心想，一定超多人都有這個疑問！

So I started to collect heights. His was my first.

所以我開始搜集大家的身高。他是我的第一人

He would always be my first.

他永遠都是我的初戀

When I first started, it was very old school.

我剛起步時，一切都還非常傳統

I would wait outside the stage door,

我總在攝影棚外守株待兔

and I would pretend to ask them for an autograph.

並假裝跟他們要簽名

And while they were signing, I'd be measuring them and, you know, that's how I first started.

他們簽名時，我就會偷偷量他們的身高。大概就是這樣開始的！

And in my first year, I collected 1,473 celebrity heights.

第一年時，我搜集了 1,473 個明星的身高

And that was great.

超棒的吧

I started to develop more advanced skills

後來我的技術越來越精進了

Oh shit, wrong person.

噢不，射錯人了！

- Oh my god! Are you okay? -There.

- 我的天啊！你還好嗎？ - 就是他了

Good.

太好了

Okay. Alright.

就是這樣

And all of that aside, it felt sort of normal just to be asking Google, "How tall people were."

除此之外，雖然上網查「誰有多高」看似再正常也不過，

That's not normal. Just because they're celebrities, that's not okay.

但並非如此！雖然他們是明星，但這根本荒腔走板呀！

I mean imagine if I collected heights of my friends.

你能想像我採集了所有朋友的身高嗎？

Hey Nat, can I borrow a piece of paper of this? I just wanna write stuff down. My phone's outta battery.

Nat 可以借我一張紙嗎？我想寫個東西，手機沒電了。

Well, you're already writing in it, so it's not really asking...

呃，你已經在寫了，所以也不算經過我允許...

And you can't return it if you're... it's not really borrowing if you can't return it.

而且你也還不了，所以不算是借...

It's awkward. I wasn't thinking about it anyways.

尷尬囉！當我沒說

What is this?

這是什麼？

Oh, that's everyone's height. Don't write on that page. That's important.

噢！這是所有人的身高，別寫到那一頁。這很重要。

What do you mean? WHAT?

你說什麼？什麼！！

It's everyone's height! I write down everyone's height, so I know.

這是大家的身高啊！我會記下大家的身高

But what is this for? Like what are you going to use this for?

但這是要幹嘛的啊？你要這幹嘛？

It's just so I know! So if you're like, "Hey, how tall do you think Amanda is?"

這樣我才知道大家多高啊！如果你問：「欸，Amanda 多高啊？」

I'll be like "Amanda is 5'1' when she's lying down in her bed."

我就可以說：「 Amanda 躺下來差不多將近180吧！」

How would you know...? You know, Amanda said you're a weirdo and I'm starting to believe her.

你怎麼知道的...? Amanda 說你很怪，我覺得蠻有道理的

Amanda said that?!

Amanda 說我很怪？！

Yah. She said you're weird.

對，她說你蠻怪的

What is that?

這是什麼？

This is another list.

這是另一個清單

(IT'S TIME FOR: AMANDA)

(下一個換: Amanda)

You don't need to know about it.

不關你的事

But now that you do...

但既然你問了

(SUSPICIOUS LIST: KRISTIN)

(可疑人物清單: Kristin)

Well what's that list?

這又是什麼？？

Stop making lists!

幹嘛一直列清單！！

The only time I think you really need to know height, is in a crime situation.

我覺得唯一一個需要身高的場合是犯罪現場

Hi Natalie, I understand you've had a home invasion here today,

Natalie，據我所知，你家被非法侵入了對吧？

and you saw the man leaving the building.

然後你也看到那男人離開這棟建築

Okay, I'm Sergeant Merralis, you can call me Judy.

好，我是莫瑞警官，你可以叫我茱蒂就好

And that's constable Jacobson, you can call him Jeff.

而這位是雅各森警探，你可以稱呼他為傑夫

Hey Jeff!

你好，傑夫！

Hi Judy.

朱蒂你好

Hey!

嗨～

Hey.

嗨

How are you?

你還好嗎

Good! How are you?

很好呀！你呢

I'm good.

我還不錯

Okay, I'm sorry I didn't bring my pad of papers, so I'm just gonna borrow a sheet from here if that's okay.

好，很抱歉我沒有帶我的記事簿，借我一張紙噢

Yah, I mean, it's not really asking if you're already writing; it's not really borrowing if you can't return... I wasn't thinking about it.

呃，你已經在寫了所以也不必問了，因為還不了所以也不算是借... 當我沒說

Alright, so, tell me, did you see the face of the man at all?

好，所以，你有看到那男人的臉嗎

Uh, no.

呃，沒有

And what did he take?

他偷了什麼？

He took some cash that was in my key box, and some earrings from my jewelry box.

他把我鑰匙盒裡的錢都拿走了，還有我珠寶盒裡的耳環

They didn't take my DVD/VCR combo thing, which is kind of crazy.

但是他們沒有拿走我的 DVD 播放器，超詭異的！

Maybe they thought it was just a VCR or just a DVD?

他們可能以為那只能放 DVD 或是 VCR 吧

But it's DVD AND VCR. Like it does both.

但他兩種都可以放！

Um, but that was it, really.

呃，其實差不多就這樣

Okay. And did you get his height?

好，那你知道他的身高嗎？

It's funny cuz you keep referring to them as a "he", but it could've been a she. I mean, burglars can be shes'.

奇怪的是，你一直說是個男生的「他」，但也有可能是個女生呀！小偷可以是女生吧

I'm sorry. Was it a she?

對不起，小偷是女生嗎？

Oh no. Like it was a guy anyway. So it doesn't matter.

噢不是，其實是個男生，所以沒差

Um, maybe like two meters?

呃大概有兩公尺吧

You think?

是嗎？

He was pretty tall. Maybe three?

他蠻高的，搞不好有三公尺？

Nobody is 3 meters, that's over 9 feet tall.

沒有人三公尺高！！

Two. I take it back. Let's go back to two. Two meters.

兩公尺！我收回！改成兩公尺就好

Anyways. This video isn't very relatable, is it?

好啦，這部影片似乎不太貼切，對吧

Nope.

完全不貼切

Oh well. What's the internet for if not to steal your time and make you angry.

好吧，但網路就是要讓你浪費時間和生氣的啊不然要幹嘛

Smart people like "there's a lot of other uses for information.'

自以為聰明的人會說: 「還有其他資訊交流呀～」

SHUT UP smart people!

聰明人不要講話！！

Anyway, I apologize for not making a video last week.

對不起我上星期沒有做影片

Oh, I didn't even notice.

哈，我根本沒注意到

I seriously have other things to do. I can't just sit around waiting for you to upload a video.

我很忙的！才不會在那邊等你上傳影片

Oh, you didn't notice? Yah, I didn't notice either.

噢，你沒注意到嗎？我也沒有

I only mentioned it because like, I thought you mentioned it.

因為我以為你提到了，所以我才說的

But you brought it up...

明明就是你提起的...

SHUT YOUR FACE! You should shut your face right now!!

閉嘴！！什麼話都別說

Alright! It's porno music / comment time.

好！現在是搧情音樂配留言時間

I'm gonna make these much shorter now, and dedicate more time to comments in separate videos.

我要快速看過這些留言，才有時間看其他影片的留言

But I'm very sad to hear so many of you kill flies.

聽到你們會殺蒼蠅我很難過

I've talked to you guys about this. You can't kill bugs and insects.

我跟你們講過了，你不能殺昆蟲呀！

Their families will see you and they will come and murder you in your sleep.

他們的家人會趁你在睡夢中的時候殺死你

I know this cuz I speak to bugs. And no you will never get your four minutes back.

我會跟蟲蟲聊天所以我都知道。然後你的四分鐘一去不復返了

Because I ate them all.

因為我把它們吃掉了

I ate all your minutes. HAHAHAHA.

我吞噬了你每分每秒，哈哈哈哈哈