Don't you want to go on an adventure and discover some new, hidden, secret surprises?

想去冒險或是發現新世界和未知的驚喜嗎？

Isn't it about time to add some style to your life?

現在不就是讓你成為多人的焦點的時刻嗎？

Well EveRy Airlines you'll never live the same old comfortable life again...

趕快加入“每個航空公司” 你就不會繼續待在你平凡舒適的生活裡了！

because it's impossible to get comfortable!

因為在這你絕對不會感覺舒服的！

You'll discover surprise, after surprise the moment you show up,

只要一進來這裡，你就會不間斷的發現驚喜！

thanks to our hidden fees,

感謝隱性收費，

and in terms of adding style to your life, we make sure that every single one of our customers,

還有為了增加您的氣勢，我們會確保每位乘客都會

are fashionably late, thanks to:

時髦的遲到一下，成為全場的焦點：

Delays

這都要感謝”班機延誤“

Hi, I'm Ryan Higa, and here at EveRy Airlines we've always believed that your experience flying,

您好，我是Ryan Higa，在”每個航空“， 我們相信您的飛行經驗，

should not just be good,

不能只有美好

not just great,

不能只有完美

not even just an all-around, amazing experience...

不能只有完善的旅程體驗

so that's what we do.

所以這就是我們的宗旨。

- Our motto here at EveRy Airlines, has always been just that,

我們“每個航空”的左右銘一直都是：

even though you paid for this flight, (chuckles) we never work for you.

就算您付了機票錢，我們也不會為您服務的ㄎㄎ

We're gonna be as rude and condescending as we want.

我們想怎樣的無禮就怎樣的無禮

- Kinda like a DJ you know?

我的工作其實有點像ＤＪ

Push a couple buttons, have a couple sips,

按一些按鈕，喝幾口調酒

before you know it we're there!

在我注意到以前，就到目的地啦！

Pay me.

錢錢拿來～

- So we got this game, right? It's kinda like the Mini-Olympics but, with bags.

我們就在這邊玩遊戲嘛！ 有點像小型奧運會，不過是丟行李

You take a luggage, but it has to have that little, red sticker on it.

你只能拿有那個小紅色標籤“小心輕放”的行李

Rather than placing it down nicely, we shot put it onto the plane,

不是把它輕輕的放置好，而是用力砸向飛機

and if we hear anything broken or anything in pieces,

如果你聽到有東西破掉或碎裂的聲音

then you lose!

你就輸啦！

Though, it's for fun, but it also makes us be careful with everyones' "frag-iley" stuff.

不只好玩，還可以讓我們更加小心任何易碎物。

- One of my pet peeves are when people ask for things, but we take customer service very seriously here.

我們最討厭的其中一項工作是，客戶會要求某些東西， 不過我們非常嚴肅看待客戶的需求

So immediately after we're finished doing what we're doing like

所以我們會先完成我們正在做的事情再去幫助客戶， 像是

gossiping and taking a nap, or eating our food...

聊八卦啊，睡個午覺啊，或是吃點東西啊

well not the customers' food - the good food. Heh, heh.

噢，不是飛機餐，是真正的食物，呵呵呵...

We go over to the customer and politely say:

我們會走到客戶旁邊，很客氣地問：

"What?"

幹嘛？

- Sometimes we like to do this thing up here, we turn the entertainment system

有時候我們會把飛機娛樂系統調得很小聲，

all the way down so when the passengers put their headphones on, they turn it up.

所以當客戶把耳機戴上，他們聽不見任何聲音， 客戶就會一直調整音量

They can't even hear anything, and then out of nowhere, I pick up the PA and

然後沒有預警的，我就打開廣播系統

(microphone feedback) - [Voiceover] This is your captain speaking.

”機長廣播“

Scare the s*** outta them.

嚇死他們叫媽媽的慘

- But even with our incredible staff,

但是 除了我們優秀的員工外

EveRy Airlines wouldn't be what it is today without the help of all of you:

“每個航空公司”能有今天的成就，還是要感謝您：

our loyal EveRy Airlines members.

每個忠誠的“每個航空”貴賓！

Who show up to almost every single flight.

每次總會有那麼幾個這樣的乘客：

From the parents who ignore their screaming kids member,

放任自己孩子胡亂的父母親、

to the angry businessman shouting on his cellphone for the whole plane to hear,

整個旅程都在抓狂講電話的上班族、

to the guy who didn't learn shapes as a kid,

小時候沒學過什麼形狀只能容納什麼形狀的客戶、

to the armrest hugger,

搶別人握把的客戶、

the leg spreader,

兩腿張開開的客戶、

the guy who sits window, but has to pee every 20 minutes,

坐窗邊卻每20分鐘就要上一次廁所的客戶、

the overly friendly guy who talks the whole flight despite seeing you trying to sleep

過度友善的乘客一直跟旁邊的人講話， 完全忽略他只想要睡覺

even the guy who's constantly farting, thinking we don't know it's him.

還有那個一直放屁以為沒人發現是他的乘客

And even though we have fun here at EveRy Airlines, we always take

我們“每個航空公司”不只在乎玩樂，

your safety very seriously with our newly updated:

我們還非常在乎您的安全：

"Honest Safety Demonstration Video."

”誠實安全示範影片“

- [Voiceover] Hello, and welcome to EveRy Airlines, this is your safety

您好，非常感謝您搭乘腸絨航空，

demonstration video which none of you are actually going to listen to,

現在為您播放安全示範影片， 事實上，你們沒有一個人會看的，

but we're going to do it anyway, so that you don't sue us.

不過我們還是得播放，這樣出事以後才不會有人告我們

There four emergency exits on this aircraft, in the unlikely event of surviving a plane crash,

機身有四個緊急逃身出口； 而萬一發生空難你存活了下來，

a life vest is located in a pouch underneath your seat.

救生衣就在您座位下方的袋子裡。

But, so is the luggage of the guy sitting behind so you, so you probably won't

不過，您後面乘客的隨身行李也差不多就卡在那個位置，所以你大概

have access to it in the event of a change in air pressure,

無法把它拿出來。 而當氣壓產生變化

An oxygen mask will automatically appear in front of you.

氧氣罩會自動出現在您面前

If you don't already know how to put on a mask and breathe,

如果您不知道如何戴上氧氣罩和呼吸

chances are you're not going to survive anyway.

反正您能生存的機率也差不多低。

If you are traveling with a child or someone who requires assistance,

如果你攜帶嬰孩，或是需要幫助的其他旅客

be sure to apply your mask first because your life is more important.

先確定自己已經戴上氧氣罩，因為您的生命為優先考量

#priority.

#優先次序

We remind you that this is a non-smoking flight, as compared to

提醒您，跟其他的能吸菸班機相比，

all the other smoking flights that you have taken.

這是不可吸菸的班機。

You will find this, and all other safety information in the card located between the vomit bag with gum in it and

你或許會在刊物夾層裡發現其他的安全說明， 就放置在已被使用的嘔吐袋裡

our dirty complimentary magazine that's held together by children's boogers,

還有髒掉的免費雜誌，內頁都黏在一起。

located underneath the tray table, that we don't clean.

以及藏在托盤下我們根本沒清洗的小孩鼻涕。

If you have any other questions, please hesitate to ask a flight attendant, it's a real bother to the

如果您還有其他問題，請遲疑地想要不要提出，

conversation that we're having in the back.

因為這真的會打擾後台我們的閒聊。

"Thank you, and have a safe flight."

感謝您的收看，希望您有個美好的旅程。

...Is what you should be saying to us, for letting you join us today.

其實讓您們參與這團隊，所以是您要對我們說的

You're welcome.

不客氣！

(loudspeaker feedback)

你們還在等什麼？趕快訂下“每個航空”的機票

- So what are you waiting for? Book your flight with EveRy Airlines today,

還是不相信我們嗎？

- [Voiceover] still don't believe us?

來看看這些顧客滿意的秀拇指唄～

Well check out these satisfied customers showing us their thumbs.

嗯哼，我們或許有點骯髒

- Yeah, we may be a little dirty,

延誤

- delayed,

昂貴

- expensive,

討人厭

- annoying,

粗心

- careless,

整體來說就是很糟

- all-around just awful,

不過就像我們“每個航空公司”常說的

- but like we always say here at EveRy Airlines...

你還有其他選擇嗎？

What other choice do you have?

耶～～～～

- [Everyone] WHOOOO!

“每個航空公司.....你還是待在家裡就好了吧”

- [Voiceover] EveRy Airlines: