and what other languages do you recite at a play, but play at a recital,

還有甚麼語言你會在一場表演(play)上吟詩朗誦(recite)，然後在演湊會( recital)上演奏(play)

or ship by truck but send cargo by ship?

或是用卡車運送(ship)東西，但卻用船(ship)送貨物

We have noses that run and feet that smell,

我們友會跑的鼻子(流鼻水)和有味道的腳(腳臭)

and the writers write hammers definitely don't ham.

會寫榔頭的作家絕對不會演戲

you fill in a form by filling it out,

你填表的時候要把他填出去(fill out 填寫)

and your alarm goes off by going on,

你的鬧鐘要你繼續下去才能關掉

and why is it that a slim chance and a fat chance are the same thing,

然後到底為甚麼瘦的機會跟胖的機會意思一樣(機會渺茫)

but a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

但是有智慧的人(wise man) 是褒，有智慧的小夥子(wise guy)卻是貶

But this is where it gets even more confusing,

你以為就這樣了嗎，還有更令人混淆的呢

if you speak of a box in the plural, is "boxes",

盒子(box)的複數是"boxes"

yet the plural of "ox" should be "oxen", not "oxes".

可是公牛(ox)的複數卻是"oxen" 不是 "oxes"

Then one is a "goose", two are called "geese",

一隻鵝是"goose"，兩隻鵝是"geese"

yet the plural of "moose" should never be "meese".

一隻鹿是"moose"，兩隻鹿就不是 "meese"

And I speak of a foot, and you show me your feet,

腳(foot)的複數是"feet"

but I give a boot, what a pair we called "beet",

靴子(boot)的複數就不是"beet" 甜菜根

and we talk about brother and also our brethren,

兄弟是我們的好兄弟(brethren)

but so we say mother we never say methren.

母親卻不是我們的"methren"

The masculine pronouns are "he", "his" and "him",

陽性的代名詞是"he"， "his" 還有 "him"

but imagine the feminine "she", "shis" and "shim".

但是陰性的代名詞就不是 "she"，"shis" 或是 "shim".

And I take it you already know of "tough" and "bough" and "cough" and "dough".

我想你已經知道這些字都長得一樣: tough 堅忍 ， bough 大樹枝 ，cough 咳嗽， dough 生麵糰

Beware of "heard", a dreadful word,

小心 "heard" 這個可怕的這個字

that looks like "beard" and sounds like "bird".

"eard" 長得跟 "beard" 當中的 "eard" 一樣，不過卻要發 "bird" 中 "ird" 的音

And "dead" is said like "bed", not "bead".

"dead" 的 "ead" 要發 "bed" 中 "ed" 的音，而非 "bead" 中 "ead" 的音

For goodness sakes, don't call it "deed".

看在老天的份上，發"bead" 中 "ead" 的音就變成 "deed" 了

Watch out for "meat" and great" and "threat",

小心 "meat"、"great" 還有 "threat" 這三個字

they rhyme with "suite" and "straight" and "debt".

他們可是跟 "suite" ， "straight" ， "debt" 押韻

And "here" is not a match for "there" and "dear" and "fear" for "bear" and "pear".

"here" 並不是跟 "there" 配對，也跟 "dear"，"fear"，"bear"，"pear" 沒有關係

And then there's "dose" and "rose" and "lose",

然後還有 "dose 劑量" ，"rose 玫瑰"，"lose輸" 長得很像吧

just look them up, and "goose" and "choose".

去查查字典吧，順便查 "goose 鵝" 跟 "choose 選擇"

And "cork" and "work" and "card" and "ward" and "font" and front"

還有 "cor k軟木塞" 跟 "work 工作 ，" card 卡片" 跟 "ward 守衛"，"font 字體" 跟 "front 前面"

and "word" and "sword" and "do" and "go".

還有 " word 字" 跟 "sword 劍" ，" do 做" 跟 "go 去"

and "thwart"and "cart"!

" thwart 阻礙" 跟 "cart 馬車"

Come on, I 've hardly made a start!

幫幫忙，這根本只是冰山一角

A dreadful language, well, man alive.

真是個折磨世人的語言

I learned to talk it when I was five,

我五歲就會說英文

but to write it, the more I try,

但是要會寫，不管我怎麼努力

I still haven't learned to at 25.

我現在 25 歲了還是沒有學會