Friends, family, we are gathered here today

to celebrate the union between Emily and Murph.

Sure we won't have any interruptions?

Don't worry.

(whispers) I took care of Adam.

(muffled grunting)

And is my distinct honor to unite Emily and Murph

in the most holy of tradition.

(spits) I object.

(crowd gasping)

(Adam spits)

Nearly all wedding traditions are nothing but pointless

and expensive displays of wealth.

Adam, we don't have time for this.

Um, actually, we do.

I budgeted it into the schedule.

Great.

My engagement was one thing,

but I've been dreaming about this day my whole life.

My friends are here.

My very traditional family is here.

You're making us proud, son.

Of course, we would've preferred a Catholic priest, but...

This is tradition, Adam.

The dress, the ceremony, the cake.

It all symbolizes true love.

Nope, those traditions represent one thing-- money.

In fact, this entire ceremony has been hijacked

by a greedy industry looking to make a buck.

(cash register ringing)

But this is the way weddings have always been!

Wrong again.

American weddings were once informal affairs,

held in homes or at community events

like barn raisings or corn-husking bees.

I hereby pronounce you man and wife.

You may now eat the corn.

(whirring effect)

Uh, nice try, Adam, but... that's not a real wedding.

She's not even wearing white.

That means she's not a virgin.

Ow. No, you lout.

It means I'm not rich.

Back then, white fabric was almost impossible to clean,

so a white dress was only meant to be worn once.

Poor folks can't afford that.

We got to make our dresses last.

Brown don't show the dirt.

It wasn't till I, Queen Victoria,

wore a white dress to my wedding

that other brides began to copy me to show off their wealth.

But even then, it was strictly for the well-to-do.

Thinks she's so good in her more-than-one dress.

(coughing)

And her more-than-one lung.

Even white wedding cakes were all about braggin'.

White sugar back then was so expensive,

it was basically edible bling.

Oh, my cake is as white as all my friends.

Well, Emily's wearing a white dress

and we're not rich.

Nope, but you're making it rain like you are.

And all because of bridal magazines.

Meet Vicki Howard, she's the author of "Brides Incorporated"

and an expert in wedding commercialization.

Weddings used to be simple affairs.

But then bridal magazines encouraged brides

to marry like the wealthy

and created a wedding industry of unrelated products

like silverware, gifts for the home,

and even early wedding gowns.

And they did all this

when Americans were at their poorest.

It was the birth of an entire industry.

And now the cost of weddings keeps skyrocketing.

Give me that. Listen...

people want the finest on their big day.

And that comes at a price.

It's not like we're cheating people.

Oh, no, it's exactly what you're doing.

The wedding industry systematically overcharges young couples

just because they can.

One study found that a majority of flower shops,

photographers, ooh, and cake shops...

No way, Jose!

...charged more for a wedding than they did

for a birthday party of the same size.

It's called the wedding tags.

Basically, anything Ashley here booked for you

is a rip-off.

Um, I have to go, uh, count mason jars

or something like that.

Mm-hmm.

That's insane.

How can they get away with this?

Well, this culture's spending is now so pervasive,

if you don't do it, your family will be pissed.

Murph, where are the floral centerpieces?

You can't have a wedding without floral centerpieces.

Mom, they were two grand extra.

You're breaking your mother's heart.

Tell Ashley to put it on the Discover.

(cash register rings)

Well, maybe going through this whole expensive ordeal

together will make us stronger as a couple.

Ooh, sorry, babe.

Researchers at Emory University

found that the more you spend on your wedding,

you're actually more likely to end in divorce.

How do you know that?

This...

was my bachelorette party.

Oh, yeah, that was fun.

But he has a point.

I mean, no one we paid to help plan this wedding

gives two craps if we stay together or not.

That is not true.

I care very deeply about... Emily and Smurf.

The Discover card was declined.

Should I use the Amex?

Remain calm, Murph.

It's your special day.

It's your special day!

Don't go nuts at your own wedding, even though...

Is he okay? Oh, yeah.

That's just his thinking walk.

No, not today, Conover!

Because, guess what, buddy?

I just figured out your little lesson.

Oh, well, tell me. I love to learn.

(clears throat)

A century of advertising has distracted us

from what's really important.

It's not about the money or the gifts

or the thread count of the table runners.

It's about love.

All this, it's just about you and me

declaring our eternal, undying love for each other.

That's what weddings used to be about.

And that's what I want our wedding to be about, too.

Because I love you, Emily, and I always will.

(crowd) Aww...

Ah, babe. I love you, too.

So, Adam, you want to take back that objection?

Oh... gosh, I wish I could,

but science says your feelings are almost certain to change.

Want me to tell you about it?

Oh, please do! Please do!

All right, people, this is gonna be a while.

So let's just start the dinner course

and we will finish the ceremony later, okay? Thanks.

Ahh!