But let's be clear about some other things that our child-centered societies never dare to mention, but should,

我們的社會一直以孩子為重，現在是時候來談談一些遭到忽略的事情了

because the silence stops us from understanding what the business of having children is really all about.

因為，避諱不談只可能讓我們無法了解養兒育女的真實面向

There's not very much honest intergenerational transfer of information here.

這裡並沒很多有關跨世代交際的資訊.

For the same reason there isn't around the great, dark truths of love.

同樣地也並不關於愛的偉大黑暗事實

We're simply too ashamed of our own difficulties.

簡單講，我們就是太羞於啟齒表達難處

We shouldn't be.

我們不應感到羞恥

The job of culture is to reveal what friends never tell you,

文化的存在是為了揭露那些朋友從不會告訴你

but everyone, privately, ends up thinking.

然而每個人私底下卻都如此思考的事

So here, a sum of the big secrets.

而以下要講的就是.....一些大秘密

Having children destroys your relationship as a romantic, sexual concern.

生兒育女將會摧毀你們之間的情慾浪漫

People say you get closer over the kids,

人們說孩子能拉近你們的距離

but this isn't the emotional, let alone, sexual intimacy we'd want.

然而這指的並不是情感上的親密，更不用說性方面的

It's more like the team spirit you'd get between colleagues in a busy kindergarten.

這比較像是忙碌幼兒園中，同事間的團隊精神

It's almost a biological law: kids will kill the relationship that produced them.

這幾乎可說是一套生物法則：孩子會破壞這段將他們帶來人世的伴侶關係

We've bought into the idea that all the problems people might have from their childhoods

我們認為惡劣或是漫不經心的父母

come down to the fact that their parents were mean or neglectful.

讓孩子的童年不快樂

Be nice to your kids - psychologists tell us - and all will be well.

心理醫師告訴我們：善待你們的孩子，一切都會好好的

But that's turned out to be pretty misleading.

然而這卻可能導至錯誤的方向

As a parent, you will allways have to put an end to a lot of the fun.

做為父母，你總會需要遏止孩子的娛樂

It starts with computers and gets worse from there,

起先從電腦開始，接著情況越變越糟

for the sake of protecting your kids, and you will be hated profoundly as a result.

打著保護的名義，你成為他們深惡的對象

Indeed, the more you love them, the more you can act in their long-term interests,

沒錯，你越愛他們，你越能給他們帶來長期效益

and the more hated you'll be at points.

但同時也給自己帶來負分

Unlike all those fun loving parents, whose lack of care buys them short-term votes.

不像那些熱愛娛樂的父母，他們疏於關心能得到孩子短暫的好感

The more you love your child and make them feel safe,

你越愛護你的孩子

the more they'll use you as a punchbag when things go wrong in their lives.

他們越可能在生活出錯時找你出氣

All those assurances - I'll always be on your side - will pay off beautifully.

「我會永遠在你身邊」這種承諾最後都將帶來好成果

They will encourage your child to direct their every frustration and disappointment

這種承諾會鼓勵你的孩子把沮喪和失望

onto the loving adult who signaled that they can, and will, take it.

全導向一位保證將給予關愛和協助的成人

The dream is that you'll be able to pass some insights to your children,

你期望把透過慘痛經驗學來的見識傳承給你的孩子

- let's say around money, or career, or love -

比如金錢、職涯或是愛情相關的

insights that you accumulated through painful experience, and thereby you'll save them time.

這樣他們就能省下時間不走冤枉路

But sadly the human race is very commited to reexploring every dumb error in every new generation.

但可悲的是，人類總是一代代不停地重蹈覆轍

You can't spare people time.

你沒辦法替他人節省犯錯的時間

Modern parents want to make things so nice for their kids.

現代父母想替孩子做好多事

But we know from our own experience that we have a key moments grown-up

但透過經驗我們知道唯有透過一些慘痛的經歷

only through things that have a painful side to them.

才能夠真正地成長

We desperately want our children to grow mature, but without going through awful things.

我們迫切希望小孩能免除痛苦直接成熟

They can't.

但他們就是無法

Kids will need to separate themselves from you; it's a biological imperative.

小孩需要從你身邊獨立；這是生物準則

You can't live at home forever.

你不能永遠當個家裡蹲

But unfortunately,

不幸的是

that urge for separation has a habit of expressing itself very meanly

想脫離父母的慾望往往轉變成惡劣行為

in the period we call 'adolescence'.

這是在「青少年時期」

It means finding parents repeatedly ridicolous and silly

這意味著孩子開始覺得父母可笑

and trashing your life's goals and values.

而且不停糟蹋他們的生活目標和價值

Despite all the hard work your kids will end up mediocre.

枉費你一直以來的苦心，最終你的孩子仍舊平庸

You might have thought that all the early lessons and care and love...

你或許曾想過，在早期給予孩子的關愛和教育

will turn them into a version of Mozart or Tolstoj.

將可能讓他們不凡，如莫札特或是托爾斯泰

It won't.

但事實並非如此

They'll be very average people who'll have demanded way, way, above average levels of commitment from you

他們會對你予取予求

to get them to adulthood.

直到長大成為平庸至極的人

Many people who learn they can't have children are deeply unhappy.

許多得知自己無法生育的人相當不快樂

Dont' worry.

別擔心

Have children and you will, at times, definitely regret it.

生了小孩，有些時候，你肯定會後悔

Don't have children and you will, at times, also definitely regret it

沒生小孩，有些時候，你肯定也會後悔

Both sides are just interestingly, and differently, miserable.

兩者雖不同，但有趣的是，都很悲慘

But neither side has very much to envy from the other.

但任一方都沒什麼好令對方羨慕的