One of the most stressful times of the year for guys.

也是對男孩子一年中最大壓力的時候了

Well, I guess it's stressful for girls, too. So actually, girls, you can use these these same ideas, but I'm just gonna be giving them from a guy's perspective

情人節

since I'm a...guy.

對女生來說壓力也滿大的，所以其實女生們也可以用同樣的點子，但我是要從男生的觀點來跟你們分享

You see, Valentine's Day is different for everyone. But, for the majority, it comes with an expectation that a lot of people fail to meet.

因為我是 男的

And, well, this video is for all you people out there who struggle to meet that expectation every year.

情人節對每個人來說都不同，不過有一些情人節的預期很多人都達不到

And I know, I know; there's a lot of you out there that aren't in a relationship

這個影片就能幫助那些每年到了這個時候，對於如何達到情人理想就感到痛苦的人

and that's because you haven't seen this video yet!

我知道~我知道~很多人都不喜歡別人的點子

Because if you do, I promise you that these ideas work over 100% of the time

那是因為你還沒有看過這個視頻

every single time that it works.

如果你看了這個影片我保證你這些點子每次都能幫到你

So, if you finally want to be romantic

每一次哦

and you don't want to just meet that expectation but exceed it,

所以如果你終於想做一個很浪漫的人

you've come to the right video.

但你不只想達到目標，而是超越目標

The typical 3-part Valentine's Day gift --

就看這個短片

It's probably the most common and safest gift that you could that you could get a girl on Valentines Day.

<十大最浪漫的情人節禮物>

You know what I'm talkin' about - Flowers, chocolates, stuffed animal.

<三個最基本的情人節禮物> 三個又基本又安全的情人節禮物，就是些最大眾、安全你可以送的東西

It's a go-to; it's the safest thing you could do.

大家都知道，就是花、巧克力和毛絨動物

Now you might meet an expectation with this, but like I said in the beginning...

最基本的禮物

their goal should be to exceed that expectation.

你或許能用這些禮物達到女友的期待，但如同我ㄧ開始說的

So all you have to do is give her that 3-part Valentine's Day gift,

女孩子的預期比基本還要高

but in a slightly different way.

你要做的是，準備基本款的禮物，但用一些小小不同的方式贈送

Alright, keep them closed.

好的，不要看

Don't look!

不要看！

Okay.

OK

Get ready. Set, open 'em!

準備

Happy Valentine's Day!

睜開眼吧

What is this?

情人節快樂!

Flours; your favorite!

這甚麼?

These are all the brands you use, right?

麵粉阿 你的最愛 (註：flower與flour發音接近)

Ohhh. (laughs awkwardly for a second) Yeah.

這些都是你常用的品牌對吧

Oh, you know what? I also got you...

你知道嗎 我還準備了

Oh my God! Dark chocolates! My fave!

我的天！黑巧克力我的最愛！

Yeah. Here you go.

對阿！給你(*´∀`)~

Thank youuuu!

謝謝~(´∀`*)

Wait.

等等...

Is this...chalk?

這是...粉筆嗎?

Yeah; it's like little pieces of chalk. Chalklettes.

對呀這是一小塊一小塊的粉筆，粉筆們 (註：chocolate與chalklettes發音接近)

(disappointed, understanding) Ohhh. (forces a laugh)

喔...

I get it.

我懂了，是個玩笑

It's a joke.

我的意思是，既然你有巧克力的外包裝，你至少有把真的巧克力留下來吧？

I mean, if you have the bag, did you at least keep the real chocolates?

沒阿

No.

但你不喜歡巧克力啊？

But, you don't even like chocolate.

對阿，我沒吃，但我餵你的狗吃了

Yeah, I didn't eat 'em, I just fed it to your dog.

什麼！！萊恩，狗不能吃巧克力，他會死的！

What? Ryan, you can't give chocolates to a dog, it'll die!

你不用擔心～

You don't have to worry about that

他已經死啦

He's already dead.

什麼！？你在說什麼？？

Wait - what?!

也就是說我幫你準備了絨毛娃娃唷

What are you talking about?!

我的天啊？？托比！！！

I gotcha a stuffed animal!

<寫著訊息的心型糖果>

Oh, my God! Toby!

女生愛糖果；女生喜歡愛心圖案

Girls love candy; girls love hearts.

最重要的是，女生喜歡收到能讓他們內心小鹿亂撞的小訊息

And, most importantly, girls love getting little messages that are so cute that it makes them giggle in the insides!

你需要做的，就是送她你自製的、充滿愛的、寫在糖果上的小訊息

All you have to do give her your own version of those little, cute candy heart messages.

<擁抱我>

Hug me (laughs a little).

<親我>

Aw.

<成為我的>

Or else.

噢♡

I'm going to.

<或是...>

Roofies.

或是?什麼意思?

Oh, JK.

<我將要...>

So silly.

<把你變成我的...>

However.

<用這個...>

Laxatives?

<鎮靜劑>

LOL

鎮靜劑?

(stomach rumbles)

<開玩笑啦!>

The not-so-typical gift

<很明顯..>.

Some girls don't want the typical gift, like we mentioned earlier.

<這並不是鎮靜劑...>

They wanna know that you put some thought into it

<其實...>

and put your heart into it.

<他們是...>

And also... because they wanna post about it on social media to show how AMAZING and AWESOME

<加強的...>

their boyfriend is.

<瀉藥>

You know, so they can get a lot of likes.

<( ´ﾟДﾟ`)>

So, all you gotta do is give her exactly what she wants!

<比較時髦的禮物>

Don't peek, don't peek.

前面提到過，有些女生不想要普通的禮物

Stay right there!

她們想要的禮物是你精心思考的、投入心血的

Aaand... open them.

其實是為了讓她們能夠在社群網站上炫耀自己的男朋友有多酷有多棒，然後她們能得到很多讚

What the hell's going on?

所以你要做的就是，給她她想要的

It's my new girlfriend.

別偷看唷～別偷看唷～～

What?!

站在這裡唷

Yea, I'm leaving you for her.

然後.....打開

How it this a Valentine's day gift?

這是怎麼回事?

This is the best gift you could ever give to a girl.

見見我的新女友

How?

ㄏㄚˊ?

I just gave you a free Facebook post where you and your other mean girl friends can talk about how ugly your ex's new girlfriend is.

沒錯！我要為了她離開妳了

You're gonna get so many likes! You cant even buy that!

你有沒有搞錯，今天是情人節欸！

Sing her a song.

這是你能給一個女孩最棒的禮物了呀

It's unfair, but it's true. There's nothing more romantic than a guy singing to his girl.

為什麼？

But in order to make it more special, you have to make it personal.

我提供了一個超棒的po文機會，讓妳跟妳的刻薄閨密們討論你前男友的新女友有多醜

All you have to do is pick a song that reflects your relationship.

你會得到超多讚的 ！那是用錢買不到的欸！

You can even change some of the lyrics to make it make more sense.

<為她唱首歌>

Even if you're not a singer, like me, just sing from your heart and she'll love it.

這不公平，卻是事實。沒有什麼能比一個男人唱歌給她的女人聽更浪漫了

So, you know I don't really sing, and I don't play the guitar, or anything.

但要讓這件事更特別，你必須把它變成只屬於你們兩個的

But this Valentine's Day, I actually learned a few songs for you.

你要做的就是找首能夠代表你們關係的歌

Oh my god that's so sweet.

你甚至可以為了更貼近真實狀況，改編部分歌詞

And, well, these are a few songs that remind me of us.

就算你跟我一樣不是歌手，只要你用心唱，她會喜歡的

Don't judge me, I'm not, you know I'm not a singer.

你知道我不是真的很會唱歌，也不太會彈吉他...

You know that.

但在這次情人節，我其實特別為你學了幾首歌

So, here we go.

我的天呀！那樣真是太貼心了

(Sighs and clears throat)

嗯...接下來是幾首我覺得讓我想起我們的歌

(Plays a chord)

別笑我喔~你知道我不是專業歌手

b**** I don't f*** with you,

X人！我他X的受夠你了！！！

You little stupid a** b**** I don't f*** with you.

你這個智障的臭婊子！我他x的受夠你了！！！

And I might forget you... Oooh hoo hoo

我會忘記妳，喔喔喔～～

My mama don't like you, and she likes everyone.

我媽喜歡所有人但就是不喜歡你

I got 99 problems but a b**** ain't one. (Random shout that sound like hit me)

我有很多的問題但婊子你不是其中之ㄧ

So he calls me up, and he's like, I still love you, and I'm like oh my god, this is exhausting.

他打電話給我，然後說我還是很喜歡妳，但我只覺得老天爺阿真是夠了

Like, we are never getting back together, like, ever.

我們不可能再復合了，永遠不可能！

NooOOoo.

不可能～～～

Okay, you can just stop. That, that's good.

好了好了你可以停了，已經很棒了

What's wrong?

怎麼了？

Nothing, I mean I just thought you were actually going to sing something a little more romantic and personal.

沒有阿，我只是以為你會唱一些更浪漫、更貼近我們之間關係的歌

Oh. I mean, you didn't lemme finish. My last song is actually very romantic and personal.

噢！因為你沒讓我唱完阿。我的最後一首歌將會非常浪漫而且貼近我們彼此

It's actually one of your favorite songs, and I even changed up the lyrics to make it more honest and personal. .

其實是一首你很喜歡的歌，我甚至改了部份歌詞，為了能夠跟真實呈現你我之間的關係...

Oh, okay.

噢，好吧

And honey I, will, be loving you 'til we're 70.

寶貝，我將愛妳直到我們七十歲

Aww.

噢~~

And after that I'm over you, mark it down, at 71, girl, we are through.

然後我受夠你了，要記得，71歲之後，女孩，我們就結束了

What?

ㄏㄚˊ？

I'll have someone new, by 72.

我將在72歲有新對象

Hmmph.

我迫不及待了

I can't wait.

<做一個相本>

Make a photo album.

回憶無可取代，有什麼能比相簿更能幫你保存回憶呢

Memories are everything. And what better way to make sure you'll never forget them, a photo album.

展現你有多在乎你們之間的回憶

Show her you really care about the memories.

我知道你有多在乎回憶，所以這次情人節.....我把我們的回憶整理成一本相簿

I know how important memories are to you, so for Valentine's... It's a photo album.

天啊，你做的嗎?謝謝

Gosh, you made this? Thanks.

我的天阿這太噁心了

Oh my gosh, this is disgusting.

什麼?為什麼?

What? Why?

太噁心了，這只是一堆屎的照片阿

Ew, these are all just pictures of poo.

但這些是回憶呀

But these are memories.

看，這是我們第一次約會結束後我到家在廁所拍的

See look, this one's from our first date, that was right when I got home.

然後我想那張是在電影院的廁所

This one's at, I think this was actually at the movie theater bathroom. (Ryan smiles, Arden says uhh)

還有這個，是感恩節晚餐後

And this one, oh this is from Thanksgiving dinner.

看！還有玉米在上面呢

Look, look at all the corn.

夠了！真是夠了！！

Alright, you know what? That's enough.

等等，怎麼了？

Wait, what?

我受夠這些老套的屎玩笑了，萊恩，你必須成熟點

I'm tired of this. Seriously, all these poop jokes, Ryan - it's getting old. You need to grow up.

是阿，你是對的，這些招有點太老梗了

Yeah you're right. I guess it is getting kinda old.

對呀

Yeah.

好險我發明了這個新玩意叫做放屁相機

Good thing I invented this new thing called the fartcam.

什麼？

What?

噢！(#`Д´)ﾉ

(Fart noise) Awww!!

看！

Check it out. (Fart noise) Awww!!

天啊...

Oh my god.

放屁相機~

Fartcam.

<美酒與美食>

Wine and dine.

不需要過多解釋，這大家都懂

Not much to explain here. It's a pretty common phrase.

照著做就對了，美酒與美食

Just do exactly as it sounds, wine and dine.

你知道....這跟我想像中的美酒與美食不太一樣

You know, this isn't really what I had in mind when you said wine and dine.

那是在抱怨嗎?

Was that whining? No no no, no.

不不不！不是不是！

Oh, good, because you know the rules.

那太好了，你知道規則的

You whine, you diein'

妳抱怨，就得死 (註：wine跟whine、dine跟diein發音接近)

Yeah, I, I'm not whining.

是呀，我沒在抱怨

Engrave it.

<刻名字>

You know, Ryan, have you seen my purse anywhere? I can't find it.

萊恩你有看到我的錢包嗎？我找不到

Actually, that is your Valentine's Day gift.

實際上，那是妳的情人節禮物

You got me a purse?

你買了個新錢包送我？

No. I took your purse, but I made it a little more purse-onal.

不，我拿了妳的舊包包，但把它加了些個人風格

Oh my god, Ryan; that's my favorite purse.

我的老天爺，萊恩，那是我最喜歡的包包欸

It's over a thousand dollars.

它超過一千塊欸

That's why I engraved it, so that no one can steal it.

對阿所以我才幫妳刻上名字，這樣沒人可以偷走它了

This is leather. You ruined it.

這是真皮的！你毀了它

Fine. If you don't appreciate it, I'm gonna take it back.

好！既然你不懂的感激，我要收回這個禮物

And also I'm not gonna give back your shoes either.

而且鞋子也不還給妳

Wait, you engraved my shoes?

什麼？你也把我的鞋子拿去刻名字？

Yeah, the Las Vegas ones.

對阿，在Las Vegas買的那雙

Huh?

ㄏㄚˊ?

The ones with the LV on it

就是那雙有寫LV的

You engraved my Louis Vuittons?

你把我的LV鞋子拿去刻字?

(Mimicking Arden)You engraved my Louis Vuittons?

你把我的LV鞋子拿去刻字?

Watch a romantic movie together

<一起看一部浪漫電影>

(Shows Mirror-coal clip from Every Romantic Movie) You are my miracle.

這太糟了。太糟了。

This is awful. So bad.

<為她寫首詩>

Write her a poem.

不是全部，但很多人喜歡多愁善感的人

Not all, but a lot of girls really like sensitivity in guys.

有什麼能比寫首詩更多愁善感？

If you can write poems, what is more sensitive than that?

玫瑰是紅的，紫羅蘭是藍的

(Clears throat)

樹有咖啡跟綠色，而大便亦然

Roses are red, and violets are blue.

與玫瑰跟紫羅蘭不同，樹跟大便能滋養彼此所以總是在一起

Trees are brown and green, the primary colors of poo.

一開始我想不透彼此的定位，然後，我發現我就是樹，而妳就是屎

Which is why they go together, both the tree and the poo, they compliment one another, unlike rose red and violet blue.

遇到你之前我曾經是天真的小種子

I've always thought and wondered which one of us was which, but then I realized, I must be the tree, for you, you are the s***.

但你從未離開，你不但就此扎根並且為我的成長帶來養分

I was but a little seed when I met you; I was so immature.

所以，普通的情侶像是玫瑰與紫羅蘭、像紅跟藍

But you never did leave, you rooted down and helped me to grow like a fertilizing manure.

但我們不是幫派成員、不是最後一戰系列，更不是神奇寶貝

(small laugh)

我們是褐與綠，我們是樹跟屎，我們像首詩

So, yes, most couples appear like roses and violets, red and blue, poetry.

所以...覺得如何?

But we are not gang members we are not some Halo series we are not the original Pokémon colors.

老實說..我承認我以為這會跟你其他的大便玩笑一樣噁心

We are brown and green, we are tree and poo, we are, poetry.

但這其實蠻.....

(Cheering and applause)

噢！(#`Д´)ﾉ

So, what did you think?

放屁相機

Okay, I gotta admit, I thought it was going to be gross and another one of your poop jokes.

<為她做部影片>

But it was actually pretty...

如果前面的辦法都失敗了，你實在還是不知道該準備什麼她，那你只能選擇拍個短片給她了

(Ryan farts and does fartcam)

加入各種不同的點子

Uhh!!

就算你無法親自執行前面介紹的各個項目，如果你做部影片給她，至少可以說明你盡力了而且你真的在乎

Fartcam!

以上就是了，都是為了你做的

Make her a video

我神秘的真實女朋友，我猜我終於要跟大眾揭曉了

And last but not least, if all else fails, and you don't know what to get her, you can't make her anything, the very least you can do is dedicate a video to her...

儘管大家都已經很清楚的看到你是誰了，之前的很多影片有你，這部影片裡面也有妳

...coming up with all these different ideas.

但....我還是要把這支影片獻給妳，妳知道的，我愛妳

Even if you can't personally do all of them, if you dedicate the video to her, it'll show her how much effort you put in, and how much you really care.

(*´艸`*)

And that's about it. All of this was just for you.

放屁相機！

My mystery girlfriend in real life that, I guess, I'm finally going to reveal, and, I guess, go public about.

謝謝收看，如果需要看幕後花絮請點左邊；如果要看前一部影片請點右邊

Even thought it's probably pretty obvious to people who watch who you are, because, I mean, you've been in so many videos, and, I mean, you were literally in this video.

非常感謝亞登特別演出，當然還要感謝葛潔娜...葛吉娜...葛葛吉娜

Umm... yeah I just wanted to dedicate this video to you because, you know, I love you.

這是個新角色，留言讓我們知道你想要葛吉娜扮演什麼新角色

Awww.

(Both lean forward to kiss)

(Fart)Fartcam. Fartcam.

TeeHee!

#FartCam

Thank you guys again so much for watching. If you want to see bloopers and behind the scenes, click the one on the left. If you want to see the previous video, click the one on the right.

And thank you so much to Arden for being in this video and of course, Gregina. Gregina. Greg-a-gina.

It's a new character. Let us know what you want Greg's new character to be in the comments section.

Goodbye!