Why not just live with someone and be done with it?

為什麼不直接住在一起就好？

What need for a public ceremony?

為什麼需要公開儀式？

Why the weird traditions, all those churches, temples, hymns, vows, and prayers?

為什麼有這些奇怪的傳統、教堂、廟宇、聖歌、誓詞和禱詞？

Marriage must be a silly relic from the religious childhood of human kind, not designed for the more logical modern world.

婚姻想必是人類宗教成長期的愚蠢遺俗，而不是為較為有邏輯的現代世界而設計的。

And yet, it survives.

然而，它仍存在。

The essence of marriage is to tie our hands, to frustrate our wills, to put high and costly obstacles in the way of splitting up.

婚姻的本質是綁住我們的雙手，阻撓我們的意志，在離開彼此的路上設立高大且代價高昂的障礙。

Why do we do this?

我們為什麼要這樣做？

Originally, we told ourselves that God wanted us to stay married.

最初，我們告訴自己是上帝要我們繼續留在婚姻中。

But even now, when God is not invoked, we keep making sure that marriage is rather hard to undo.

但即使是現在，當我們已經不再祈求上帝庇護，我們仍持續確保婚姻難以解除。

For one thing, you carefully invite everyone you know to watch you say you'll stick together.

首先，你小心翼翼地邀請所有認識的人看著你說你們會一直在一起。

You willingly create a huge layer of embarrassment, will you ever to turn around and admit it might've been a mistake.

你自願地創造一抹尷尬，當你轉過身來並承認這一直以來是個錯誤。

Furthermore, even though you could keep things separate, marriage tends to meet deep economic and legal entanglements.

再者，即使你結婚後仍想把彼此的事情分開，婚姻容易使你深陷在經濟和法律的糾纏之中。

You know it's gonna take the work of a phalanx of accountants and lawyers to prise you apart.

你知道你將會需要許多會計師和律師強制分開你們。

It could be done, but it will be ruinous.

這是可行的，但這將會是毀滅性的。

It's as if we somewhere recognize that there might rather strangely, be some quite good though uncomfortable reasons.

說來奇怪，我們意識到會有一些好的但令人不太舒服的原因，

By making it difficult to split up a union, can be an advantage for its members.

讓這個結合難以分開能讓婚姻裡的兩人受益。

The marshmallow test was a celebrated experiment in the history of psychology.

棉花糖實驗是在心理學歷史上備受推崇的實驗。

Designed to measure children's ability to delay gratification, and track the consequences of being able to think long term.

實驗是為了測量小孩延遲享樂的能力，以及追蹤有遠期思考能力對未來的影響而設計的。

Some three-year-old children were offered a marshmallow, but told they would get two if they held off from eating the first one for five minutes.

有些三歲的孩子得到了一塊棉花糖，但被告知如果他們五分鐘不吃第一個，就會得到兩塊。

It turned out a lot of children just couldn't make it through this period. It was too tempting.

結果顯示很多小孩沒辦法度過這五分鐘。這太誘人了。

The less immediate benefit of gobbling the marshmallow in front of them was stronger than the strategy of waiting.

直接吃下眼前的棉花糖比等待更令人滿足。

Crucially, it was observed that these children went on to have lives blighted by a lack of impulse control.

關鍵點是，觀察顯示，這些小孩在未來都欠缺控制衝動的能力，

And fared much worse than the children, who were best at subordinating immediate fun for long-term benefit.

並比能考量長期利益勝於眼前樂趣的小孩過得比較不好。

Relationships are perhaps no different.

感情或許也是一樣。

Hereto, many things feel very urgent.

在此，很多事感覺起來很緊急。

We're angry, and want to get out.

我們生氣，想要逃離。

We're excited by a new person and need to abandon our present partner at once.

我們因新對象感到興奮而需要立刻拋棄現在的伴侶。

And yet, as we look around for the exit, every way seems blocked.

然而，當我們四處觀看尋找出口時，每條路似乎都被堵住了。

It would cost a fortune, it would be embarrassing, it would take an age.

這會付出一些代價，這也會令人尷尬，也會花費一些時間。

This isn't a coincidence.

這並不是巧合。

Marriage is a giant inhibitor of impulse.

婚姻是一個強大的衝動抑制劑，

Set up by our conscience to keep our libidinous, ungrateful, wild desiring selves in check.

由理智所調配的，為了約束充滿性慾的、不知感恩的、有狂亂慾望的我們。

What we're essentially buying into by submitting to its dictates, is the insight that we are, as individuals, likely to make very poor choices, onto the sway of strong short-term impulses.

真正使我們步入離婚的是身為個體的我們傾向於在強烈的短期衝動搖擺之下做出不明智的決定。

To marry is to recognize that we require structure, to insulate us from our urges.

結婚意味著我們需要一個規範，以讓我們遠離衝動。

It's to lock ourselves up willingly because we don't trust ourselves.

我們自願被枷鎖鎖住，因為我們不信任自己。

It's a very unusual marriage indeed, in which the two people don't spend a notable amount of time fantasizing that they weren't in fact married.

這的確是個非常不尋常的婚姻，在婚姻中兩個人不會花很多時間幻想他們還沒結婚。

But the point of marriage is to make these feelings not matter very much.

但婚姻的重點在於不讓這個感覺太重要。

It's an arrangement that protects us from what we desire.

這是一個讓我們遠離慾望的安排，

And yet know, in our more reasonable moments, we don't truly need, or even perhaps want.

然後我們靜下來思考後會知道，我們其實不太需要，或甚至想要這種安排。

At their best, relationships involve us in attempts to develop mature and become whole.

一段感情最大的優點就是我們會去嘗試發展成熟且完整。

We often get drawn to people, precisely because they promise to edge us in the right directions.

我們往往會被那些答應指引我們朝正確方向邁進的人吸引。

But it's too easy to seem kind and normal, when we keep going out with someone new.

但一直跟新的人約會容易讓我們看似是善良又正常的人。

The truth about us on the basis of which self-improvement begins, only becomes clear over time.

我們的自我成長能力只會隨著時間越來越明瞭。

Chances of development increase hugely, when we don't keep running away to people who will forcely reassure us.

成長的機會大幅增加，當我們不一直想逃跑到努力安撫我們。

There is nothing too wrong with us.

我們沒有什麼問題。

Over time, the argument for marriage has shifted. It's no longer about external forces having power over us.

隨著時間，婚姻的觀點已轉變，它已不再是關於外在強制力對我們的壓抑。

What we are correctly now focused on, is the psychological point of making it hard to throw it all in.

我們現在面臨的心理學問題是全心投入為何變得困難。

For the last fifty years, the burden of intelligent effort has been on attempting to make separation easier.

在過去五十年，聰明人努力讓分開變得更簡單。

The challenge now, lies in another direction.

而現在的挑戰則在於另一個方向。

In trying to remind ourselves, why immediate flight doesn't always make sense.

並且提醒我們自己，為何立即逃跑並不總是有道理的。

And trying to see the point of holding out for the second marshmallow.

並嘗試去理解等待第二個棉花糖的好處。