But at Apple, we pride ourselves on thinking different.

不過蘋果引以為傲的是「不同凡想」

That's why with the iPhone 7, we've done something that,

這就是為何iPhone7如此不同的原因

at first, seems counter-intuitive, and then is.

一開始看似違反直覺，的確如此

We've made it worse.

然後我們把它改得更爛

- We removed the headphone jack and that's all.

我們移除了傳統的耳機孔，就這樣

That's the new, that's the newness right there.

這可是最新創意，無人可及啊

It's just the lack of a thing that was there and now

把該有的東西移除

it's not.

從有變無

It's gone, it's not there anymore.

讓你找也找不到

Tada.

消失～～～～～

- Once we conceived of this exciting new update.

打從我們有這個創意升級的構想

Oh no, downdate, it was so beautiful in the way that it

噢，其實是創意降級，它外表變得多美啊

allowed me to go home at two PM.

也讓我每天2點準時下班

- It's all about simplicity

重點在於簡約

Everything will run through one port

所有東西僅靠一孔連接

Now, you might be asking yourself, "What if I want to charge

你不禁好奇...

"my phone while listening to music?" Shit.

「萬一我想邊充電邊聽音樂呢？」 ，做不到！

- Apple has always pioneered sleek beautiful

蘋果的流線設計，總是引領潮流

design, which is why you will fucking hate the literal

我們深知，你一定也很受不了...

parade of (mumbles) you need to plug it into anything

手機究竟要那麼多孔幹嘛

as or more complicated than a doughnut.

設計那麼複雜嚇唬誰啊

- Oh!

對了

You could just go buy a pair of Bluetooth headphones,

你可以買藍芽耳機啊

there you go, problem solved.

就這麼簡單，問題解決啦

And if you normally use your headphone jack to plug

那萬一汽車音響也需要插這個耳機孔呢

into your car, then fuck!

那不是完了

Fuck!

完蛋

Fuck, you're fucked.

可惡，你沒輒

The you're fucked and then I'm fucked

你沒輒，我也沒輒

And then I'm fucked because you're fucked

然後我沒輒，因為你也沒輒

- Our users expect for us to introduce new

果粉總期待我們推陳出新

innovative, and exciting features every year.

每年都要令他們感到驚喜

To those users, we say, you try introducing new,

對於這些粉絲，我們只能說....

innovative, and exciting features every year.

「你那麼厲害，你來試試看啊」

I mean, what else do you want a phone to do?

拜託，手機到底還要什麼功能啦

Make you cum?

讓你高潮嗎？

- With the new iPhone, oh this is the old iPhone

有了這支新 iPhone，噢，這支是舊款的

You know, they look exactly the same.

它們看似一模一樣

Which would make you wonder, "Why should I just get

讓人不禁好奇「我幹嘛不買iPhone6啊

"an iPhone 6 since it is cheaper and apparently now better

和新款相比， iPhone 6便宜又好用」

That's because please

這是因為.....拜託不要

Please don't.

我跟你跪

- Along with the worse iPhone we're, like,

除了這支「創意降級」的手機外

out of our minds excited to introduce a whole new line

我們還失心瘋地推出一系列產品

of Apple products made with the same philosophy

秉持的是一貫「越做越爛」的哲學

The iPad Backs which is just two iPad Backs stuck together.

iPad Backs就是2片Backs黏在一塊

The iPod Brickle which can only play Brickle

iPod Brickle只能玩Brickle

And the Apple watch which we couldn't figure out a way to make worse than it already is.

至於Apple手表就無法再更爛了

- If I'm being honest, I'm starting to get really scared

老實說，我開始有點怕設計師Jony

of Jony, he's just taking away things at random at this point.

他現在簡直是看到什麼都要移除

All the G keys on our keyboards have disappeared.

鍵盤的G鍵都被拆掉了

My car's wheel disappeared, I can't get home.

我車子輪胎也不見了，我根本回不了家

- Just be grateful I left you any ports at all.

如果我還留幾個孔的話，心懷感激吧

I wanted to make it an impenetrable glass brick,

原本我想改成完全無孔的玻璃磚

but Tim said no.

不過庫克不同意

- Our design department used to have 12 people,

我們設計部門原本有12個人

now there's only eight.

現在只剩8個

What happened to the other four?

有4個人莫名消失，他們去哪了？

- Careful, Tim.

小心點啊，庫克

- I miss Steve.

賈伯斯你在哪啊，快回來

I miss Ste--

我想你...

- Oopsie daisy! Where did Tim go?

糟糕! 庫克去哪了呢？

The iPhone 7. Jony giveth and Jony can taketh away.

Jony創造出 iPhone7，也能毀滅它

- Hi, it's Mike Trep from College Humor.

嗨，我是 College Humor 的 Mike Trep

Click here to subscribe, click here for more fun things

請訂閱我們的頻道，有很多有趣影片

and send help to keep me from sinking.

快來救我，讓我免於沉淪..

Please, please help.

拜託幫個忙

Please help.

拜託...