the initialism BDSM

It stands for bondage, discipline, dominance, submission, sadism, and masochism.

One by one I'd like to teach you about these forms of sexual expression, staring with bondage.

Here's what you'll need!

Safety scissors the kind with the rounded tip to slip

between the skin and rope if anything needs to be removed quickly.

Water nearby for hydration, maybe snacks.

Safewords & signs to communicate caution and stop and non-elastic rope.

Reference books... or this video.

Though bondage is an erotic experience all by itself some people will pair it with sex,

in which case add lube, condoms, gloves, etc. to the list and get tested for STIs first.

Then set up a safe space

with comfortable temperature, plenty of light

time, and a willing participant.

I like to use the safe words yellow for caution

and red for stop.

They're easy to remember and easy to say.

If Willing can't communicate verbally,

I also make sure to have signs with the same meanings.

Something like STOMP or blink once for

caution, twice for stop.

Here, we'll use head shaking for caution and a body shake for stop.

To test the safe words I grip the person's hand and

ask them to mark caution

Yellow

and stop!

Red!

Once situated we begin.

This is 50 ft of 3/8 inch, braided, nylon rope

from the hardware store.

I like it because it doesn't easily fray, it's soft, pretty, and decently priced.

Experts like Madore have tried many materials

but the most popular options are

nylon, hemp, and cotton.

The length and diameter will depend on the

body, place, and purpose of the bondage.

You maybe wondering why someone would want

to be restrained.

What's so erotic about it?

Why this is a part of sexplanations episode?!

The ritual of a scene, testing limits of trust and immobility,

shift in power dynamics,

security like the ropes are a swaddling cloth,

sensation of pressure and rubbing,

relaxation, feeling of powerlessness,

surrender, submission, beauty,

a form of role-play,

diversifying sexual expression,

altering the psyche, prestige,

feeling wrapped up like a present for an occasion,

feeling sexy,

feeling freedom from shame and guilt,

because one is physically tied to

a liberal expression of sexuality!

This is the midpoint of the rope and

the starting point for restraint called

Dragonfly Sleeves.

First, I make two loops

so that one curls toward me and curls away from me.

I want to make sure that the ends hanging down

are on different sides of the rope, like this,

not like this.

Next, overlap the loops like a Venn diagram

and pull there sides through the centers of the

the opposite loop.

This is called a bow tie knot which can be quick

handcuffs or anklecuffs but we have more to do.

OK, now Willing, I need you to turn around.

With the bow tie knot, take the so-called ears, and loosen them

so that they can slide over Willing's arms

on to the back, like a backpack!

Watch for vulnerable areas

like joints, and arteries

and use the pinky test to make sure that at least a finger

or two fit between the rope and the person's body.

Watch for cooling of the skin or discoloration

that would indicate low circulation

or feelings of pins and needles

from pressure from the nerves.

Communicate.

Is this too tight?

No.

Good.

Let's continue.

Take the two loose-hanging ends together

and make a double slip knot with them.

That means bringing them over the top

starting them through the hole in the center, pulling them apart to make

two new ears.

Again, pull them out long enough so they can slip over

Willing's arms and up to placement

at a horizontal position right where the

knot is.

Is that too tight?

No.

Repeat these steps of making a double slip knot,

pulling it through, making it a new set of ears

and putting them on to the Willing person's arms

again and again until you reach the wrists.

Is that too tight?

Yes!

To loosen the knot, simply stretch out the ears.

The last set should be placed an inch above

the wrists tightly or on the wrist loosely.

Is that too tight?

No.

From here, you can make a spreader bar

from the remaining rope,

wrap the person's legs,

attach the person to furniture,

make a leash to drag them by,

or control pull to bend them over!

However you play, make certain that you're still

communicating and staying curious.

** jazz like music **