psychics are kind of the ultimate at this. They can read all of the cues that you're

throwing off without realizing you're throwing them off and so they seem psychic to you,

even though you're telling them everything; you're giving them everything that they need

to go on. And the truth is most of us don't do that. Most of us really do not listen to

other people. Victor Lustig, who is one of the most famous con artists of the 20th century,

who's nickname was Count Lustig and he sold the Eiffel Tower two times for scrap metal

he said, and neither time was he reported because the people who had bought the tower

we're so incredibly just embarrassed that they didn't want to say anything. That's how

he was able to pull it off twice and lived to tell the tale, he wrote something called

the 10 Commandments of the Con Artist. And one of the commandments is a con artist isn't

a good talker, a con artist is a good listener. And I think that that tells you everything

that you need to know.

Con artists are people who actually listen. They listen when you talk. They pay attention.

We don't do that. Normally when we ask a question we don't really listen to the answer. We're

half there. We're half thinking about what we're going to say next. We're thinking about

ourselves, we're not thinking about the other person. Maybe we're even on our phone checking

something while they're talking. You say oh yeah I can multitask. Don't worry. Keep going.

No you can't you're not actually listening to them and so you're missing all of these

cues. The thing that makes us better able to read other people is being motivated. Motivation

really enhances our ability to look at other people and see what they're telling us. It

forces us to listen. Con artists are motivated to listen because that's their livelihood.

They need to read you well in order to sell you what they're selling you. And most of

us don't have that motivation. And so if we do, if we figure out a way, you know, this

is actually important to me. I want to invest in this friendship. I want to really understand

this person. I want to be a kind of person who really is a good friend, who really pays

attention. If we motivate ourselves then all of a sudden we can sometimes picked up the

cues like how are you sitting? What's your posture like? What's your voice like? Do you

look like you've slept? Have you changed anything about your appearance? How often do you change

your hair or change something and nobody notices.

There's this wonderful story of a news anchor who came in wearing the exact same thing every

single day just to see if anyone would notice and no one did. And he was male so that was

a little bit easy. It was a little bit of a cheat. He would just wear a shirt and a

suit and everyone says okay. And a woman I don't think would have been able to pull it

off quite as well. And yet sometimes women complain that husbands don't notice a change

of color or a totally new outfit, that they're just not paying attention to those sorts of

things. Motivation, it's just hard to keep yourself motivated all the time to pay attention

to people, unless you're a psychic and you know that reading that person well will enable

you to have them come back because then they'll believe that you're a real psychic because

they were able to extract a lot of information from you.

That, by the way, is another one of the skills. It's not just observing it's being able to

extract information. So, being a good listener, people can tell when you're listening. And

when they can tell that someone is really listening they start talking. You start talking

more and more when you feel like someone is actually listening to what you're saying and

all of a sudden you're telling things about yourself that you never thought you were going

to be telling.