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  • -Hi, folks.

  • I'm Craig from Craigslist.

  • Perhaps you've used my website to buy a used bicycle or look

  • for a job as a sex worker.

  • Today we used my list to help David find a new place to

  • live, and I think we found the perfect sublet right here.

  • [DOOR BUZZER]

  • -Hello.

  • -Wha--

  • I, uh--

  • I'm speechless.

  • And confused.

  • I thought I was answering an ad for the sublet, but I must

  • have accidentally stumbled onto the Playboy mansion.

  • -(LAUGHING) You are so sweet.

  • I'm Tamara.

  • And if you're the David Wain who answered my posting, you

  • have the right address.

  • -Can you turn around?

  • -What for?

  • -I wanna see if there's a bunny tail back there.

  • -Oh my god.

  • You are too funny.

  • Why don't you come inside?

  • I mean, you know, we can get to know each other better.

  • -Wait, hold on.

  • Come inside?

  • -Whoa.

  • [GIGGLES]

  • -[CHORTLES]

  • -What a naughty yet razor sharp wit.

  • -It's like ppsshht.

  • -Get in here already, or else I'll have to spank that cute

  • hairy bottom.

  • You know what?

  • I'll do it anyway.

  • -Yeangh.

  • -Ooh!

  • You like that?

  • Yeah?

  • -You know what?

  • I don't even need to see the place I'll take it.

  • -Really

  • -Yeah.

  • -That's so great.

  • OK, let's celebrate with a glass of bubbly while you sign

  • the lease.

  • -OK.

  • -Let's do this, David Wain.

  • -Yeah!

  • [BOTH GIGGLING]

  • -You know, champagne usually knots up my colon, but let's

  • just throw caution to the wind.

  • -Oh, wow, David.

  • You are such an adventurer.

  • -You're right, Tamara.

  • I am an adventurer.

  • And a

  • soul warrior -Oh.

  • -You know, if we could just let me go to the car and get

  • some Metamucil, it'll help relax my sphincter.

  • OK.

  • TAMARA (OFFSCREEN): All right.

  • Well, hurry up, you know--

  • -Just wait one second.

  • TAMARA (OFFSCREEN): So we can get busy doing [INAUDIBLE].

  • -I'll be right back.

  • MALE SPEAKER (OFFSCREEN): It is so awesome to have a

  • super-fox as a landlord.

  • -Oh.

  • -How about a shot of Drambuie?

  • -Oh, yeah, baby.

  • -Wait a goddamn second.

  • What about me and my glass of bubbly?

  • -Klervis here just offered more money for the room.

  • -More money?

  • You didn't even tell me a price.

  • I just said I would take it.

  • -This is business, baby.

  • Don't take it personal or nothing.

  • -What about the bunny tail.

  • What about the way you touched my ass?

  • -Those were selling techniques that I learned from The Donald

  • at the Learning Annex.

  • Oh, by the way?

  • You're fired!

  • -You're fired.

  • TAMARA (OFFSCREEN): You're fired.

  • -Sorry, guy.

  • No hard feelings.

  • -Listen, guy.

  • Don't you realize she's just scamming you?

  • The minute the ink is dry on the lease, she's going to drop

  • you faster than Rita Moreno's tits.

  • -You know, Rita Moreno won all the major awards.

  • -I'm sure she won probably a Grammy, but I don't know that

  • she won an Emmy.

  • OK, Oscar, Tony.

  • But did she win a CableACE?

  • -David!

  • Enough with Rita Moreno.

  • God.

  • Just go, OK?

  • Just get out of here.

  • Please.

  • -You know what?

  • You can't fire me, 'cause I quit.

  • -[SIGH]

  • Don't embarrass yourself more than you already have.

  • -You are so beautiful.

  • NEWSCASTRESS (OFFSCREEN): Welcome to News 7.

  • I'm you host, Colleen Curtis.

  • Often times, we in the media are accused of only focusing

  • on bad news.

  • -Things are so bad I have all of these.

  • -You already have lupus?

  • Tonight that's gonna change as we focus on Tamara and

  • Klervis, a very special couple who embarked on a whirlwind

  • romance through Craiglist.

  • -That two-timing hussy.

  • -The moment I met Klervis, I just knew that all the

  • potential renters that I met that day were

  • failures and losers.

  • I mean, they were like Woody Allen without the wit and the

  • success.

  • -The success or something, yeah.

  • Like why do people go to such great lengths to be

  • purposely not funny?

  • I mean, they throw out these stupid, silly non sequiturs.

  • NEWSCASTRESS (OFFSCREEN): Talk about bling.

  • -I feel like I escaped a death sentence.

  • NEWSCASTRESS (OFFSCREEN): Well, we've got some great

  • news for you.

  • We are sending you on a month-long all expenses paid

  • honeymoon to American Samoa, starting right now.

  • -A--Are you--?

  • -Hey, that means the apartment's going to be empty

  • for a month.

  • BOTH: We're going to American Samoa.

  • -Where is that?

  • I don't even know.

  • -I don't know.

  • -Hey, do you want some Drambuie.

  • -I can't.

  • There's someone in Portland, Oregon looking for a hand job

  • and I've got to help him.

  • -Why go all the way to Portland?

  • I mean, there's someone right here who could use one.

  • -I'm sinking Matt.

  • The more I try to make my life better, the worse it gets.

  • -Ah, you're spiraling, David.

  • Everything's fine.

  • -What the fuck?

  • -Hi this is David Wain, the director of The State, Wet Hot

  • American Summer, Stella, and Wainy Days.

  • You know, I'm here to talk to you about our new DVD, which

  • is called The Ten.

  • The Ten is a comedy extravaganza, starring the

  • likes of Adam Brody, Bobby Cannavale, Rob Corddry, Famke

  • Janssen, Kerri Kenney Silver, Joel Lo Truglio, Ken Marino,

  • AD Miles, Gretchen Mol, Oliver Platt, Paul Rudd, Winona

  • Ryder, Liev Schreiber, Ron Silver, Justin Theroux, Mather

  • Zickel, Michael Ziegfeld, and Jessica Alba.

  • -And me.

  • -And Zandy.

  • And many others.

  • I mean, really.

  • Critics have called it literally the

  • best movie ever made.

  • Won't you go to your local video store

  • as soon as you can--

  • I mean, run, don't walk, to your video store and check out

  • The Ten on DVD or HD-DVD.

  • It includes lots of extras like a commentary track from

  • my parents.

  • It wasn't their favorite film.

  • You'll have to hear it.

  • For more information just head on over to thetenmovie.com.

  • You'll be glad you did.

  • This is David Wain--

  • -And Zandy.

  • -And little Morgan.

  • -And not so little Morgan.

  • -Bye.

  • -Bye.

-Hi, folks.

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Wainy Days #18 'Sublet' (Joe Lo Truglio) (Wainy Days #18 'Sublet' (Joe Lo Truglio))

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    紅謹 發佈於 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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