sort of jokingly wondering what America would be like

if Donald Trump were actually president.

-You know, would it bring the apocalypse? -(laughter)

-Would the White House be covered in gold? -(laughter)

Would he change laws regarding press freedoms,

-or-- I don't know-- incest? Uh... -(laughter and groaning)

This weekend, I feel like we got a glimpse

of what America might be like under a Trump presidency.

And, uh, it was scary.

MAN: On Friday night, pure chaos

after Trump cancelled his appearance in Chicago.

WOMAN 1: Police physically separating

Trump's protesters from his supporters.

WOMAN 2: They are not picking and choosing who is there.

It is open to the public.

WOMAN 3: There were some Bernie Sanders supporters

who held up Bernie signs.

MAN: Protestors and supporters going back and forth so much,

the situation became so escalated

that there was the potential for danger.

Wow. You know it's bad when people in Chicago are, like,

"Man, what a violent weekend. This is too much.

-This is way too much." -(laughter)

And it was.

Friday night was shocking, you know. It hap...

Like, I happened to be at the gym when this all broke out.

And the conflict was so crazy

that nobody in the gym carried on doing what they were doing.

-Not even Muscular Mike. Like... -(laughter)

Yeah, I know, I know.

Everyone was just staring up at the TV screens

watching all the fighting.

You know, dudes were halfway through a dead lift,

just standing, holding their mouths open.

It was almost like one of those movies

where an asteroid is heading towards the earth,

and everyone is crowded around, watching the disaster unfold.

And, you know, Chicago may have been the epicenter,

but by the end of the weekend, the chaos was everywhere.

WOMAN: New clashes in more cities.

MAN: In Kansas City, police maintaining order

with pepper spray.

MAN 2: There were violent confrontations in St. Louis.

WOMAN: One raising her hand in a salute.

In Cleveland, a number of clashes.

Go back to Africa!

You were in Africa first. Go back to Africa.

Really?

Go back to Africa?

No, no, no. Now, look, if that was a TV critic

saying that to me, I understand. I understand.

(laughter)

But you can't just say "Go back to Africa"

to any black person you see in America.

Not every black person is from Afr...

-Oh, (bleep). Denise? -(laughter)

-Oh, wow, girl. -(applause and cheering)

Oh, I didn't know you were coming out here. Oh!

Oh, it's Denise.

Yeah, but you should go back to Africa, girl.

People are missing you. Oh, wow!

(laughs) Wow.

Small world, small world.

Sorry. Where were we? Where were we?

Uh, Nazi salute, "go back to Africa."

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Okay, okay.

The Trump supporters. They have the Trump supporters.

Uh, you know, I have to say one thing

that didn't sit well with me

was how some of the Trump protestors did their thing.

WOMAN: A lot of those protestors did identify

as supporters of Bernie Sanders.

One of the organizers told me

that they turned the place into a Bernie Sanders rally.

The Bernie Sanders supporters that I've talked to think

this was a huge victory for them.

Ah, yes, trust Bernie Sanders fans

to have an unrealistic view of what's actually happening.

(laughter)

-Sorry. Was that a Bern? Was that a Bern? -(laughter)

Look, I will say this.

It's great to see young protestors

so inspired by politics

that they're no longer just hashtagging their feelings,

but actually getting off the couch and getting involved.

But at the same time, you've got to be careful.

You know, because the narrative Trump tells his sympathizers is

that they're under attack.

You know, that the nefarious, politically-correct,

left liberal force wants to silence them.

So if you come in, and you actually try to silence them,

it's like trying to put a fire out by putting wood on to it.

You've given Trump the villain

that, up until now, he was making up.

And you're probably saying, "What villain, Trevor?

"We're just a bunch of progressive college students

"of various ethnicities

and, like, religions and gender identities."

-(laughter) -Exactly.

You are the villain he's talking about.

(laughter)

And here's how you know

that you're doing exactly what Trump wants.

It's in his script.

Go home to Mommy.

Go to tuck you in bed.

Get 'em out of here! Get 'em out!

-Get 'em out of here! -(applause and cheering)

Can I be honest with you? It adds to the flavor.

-It really does. -(applause and cheering)

Makes it more exciting.

I mean, is isn't this better

than listening to a long, boring speech?

-Really? -(audience groaning)

"Isn't this better than list...?"

Yeah, yeah, it is better

than listening to a long, boring speech,

unless your plan was to go and watch a presidential candidate.

Then, getting punched in the face

sort of throws your day off. Yeah, that is what that does.

"What happened to you?" "I was watching a speech."

-(laughter) -Here's the truth.

Donald Trump didn't just create an atmosphere

for violence at his rallies.

He basically engineered it as carefully and deliberately

as Matt Damon did when he was growing potatoes on Mars.

There are no consequences to protesting anymore.

There used to be consequences.

I love the old days.

You know what they used to do to guys like that

when they were in a place like this?

They'd be carried out on a stretcher, folks.

Am I allowed to rip that whistle out of the mouth?

I'd rip that whist...

Well, if you see somebody getting ready to throw a tomato,

knock the crap out of them, would you? Seriously.

He's walking out, like big high fives, smiling, laughing.

Like to punch him in the face, I'll tell you.

Part of the problem is

nobody wants to hurt each other anymore.

-Are you f...?! -(audience groaning)

(Noah sighs)

-(bleep) -(laughter)

Part of the problem is

nobody wants to hurt each other anymore?

Are you (bleep) me? That's not a problem.

That's civilization.

Now I'm afraid to know how Trump views flush toilets

and-- oh, God, we're back at incest again.

I don't even know... and I don't even know how we get here.

Because basically, Donald Trump is saying

he just wants his rallies to be like hockey games, you know?

Nobody knows the rules, and most of the fans are white,

and fighting is definitely allowed.

Which is weird, given how Trump has described himself

so often in the past.

I'm a peace-loving person, folks.

Well, you know, I'm somebody that is a thinker.

I'm a big thinker.

We love peace. We all love peace.

Of course Trump loves peace.

Yeah, Trump loves peace.

He couldn't hurt a fly.

Not with those tiny little elf hands.

(laughter)

(applause)

(whooping)

Who knew?

Who knew Donald Trump was such a hippie?

I guess that's why he never cuts his hair

and drops acid before every speech.

He must be high-- those speeches can't be a sober thing. Come on.

Like, how does anyone believe this crap?

On one hand, he's saying, "I'm an upstanding citizen

who hates violence."

On the other hand, he's rolling up his sleeves,

bellowing about tearing down the system to a pack of followers

who love getting into fistfights.

Like, who is this guy?

Like, this guy doesn't want to be president--

he wants to be Tyler Durden

from Fight Club.

That's exactly what's happening.

Donald Trump is basically running political Fight Club.

And he even knows the first rule of Fight Club.

There's no violence. There's a love fest.

These are love fests.

You do not talk about Fight Club.

And I thought I was just imagining

Trump's split personality-- until, until...

an actual medical expert-- of the brain, no less--

gave us his diagnosis last Friday

during his medical endorsement.

I've come to... to know, uh, Donald Trump...

There are two different Donald Trumps.

There's the one you see on the stage,

and there's the one who's very... uh, cerebral,

sits there and considers things very carefully.

You can have a very good conversation with him.

-(like Carson): Y-Yeah. -(laughter)

Uh... just like there are...

two Ben Carsons.

The Ben... who is...

wild and crazy...

and the one that you never get to see.

(laughter)

Hoo, ha, hoo, ha, ha.

(laughter)

-(applause) -I'm so glad he's back.

(whooping, cheering, whistling)

You know... in any other world,

in any other campaign,

having two faces as a charge,

the accused would deny, because they know

it would immediately disqualify them

from running for the highest office in the land.

So, Donald Trump... do you agree with Ben Carson?

I probably do agree-- I think there are two Donald Trumps.

(like Trump): Yeah. And believe me,

there's no problem with either of them's penis.

(laughter)

So even Trump says that there are two Trumps.

But the question is, what does the other Trump say?

I don't think there are two Donald Trumps.

I think there's one Donald Trump.

(laughter)

(applause, whooping)

You know, uh, we laugh, but it's still more likely

that there's only one Donald Trump,

who's just a cynical, manipulating man.

You know, manipulating his followers

and his enemies and the media

without any concern for what he's doing to the country.

That's possible. That's probably the truth.

But I do hope, I do hope that there are two Donald Trumps,