flexed his well-sculpted glutes,

屈身展示他精心操練的臀部

and prepared for the biggest battle of his life

準備他人生中與納茲蚊女皇

with Nags the Mosqueezo.

最大的決鬥

But what he didn't know was that she had just given birth

但他不知道的是她剛剛生育了

to 12,000 baby mosqueezos!

一萬二千隻幼蚊女皇！

Disengage, Dingernauts.

別開戰，迪傑黨

We don't shoot mothers in space.

我們不能在宇宙擊斃孕育生命的媽媽

- Dinger.

迪傑

- Everyone, you're in for a treat.

大家，你們聽到這消息將會很高興

Meet my coworker Mads--

來認識我的同事邁茲

the inspiration for the evil overlord Nags the Mosqueezo.

由她作靈感而啟發出的來邪惡霸主納茲蚊女皇！

all: Ooh.

噢⋯

- It really does look like she had 12,000 babies.

她確實像有生育過一萬二千隻嬰兒的母親

- [scoffs]

[嘲笑]

[upbeat music]

[歡樂音樂]

- This is America

這裡是美國

Land of dreams

夢想之地

Everyone can climb higher

每個人都能攀更高

- Not you, though

無可能

- You're stuck here

你被捆在這

- 'Cause you're a part-timer

因你是個兼職生

- Yeah!

對

- You can do anything

你能做任何事

- As long it's not hard

只要是不太困難

- And you can go anywhere

你能去任何地方

- As soon as you get a car

只要你有一輛車

- You're gonna be a huge success

你能夠得到名譽

- Come on, that's not who you are

別傻了這不是你自己

- You're a part-timer cursed with full-time dreams

你是被詛咒的兼職生擁有個全職夢

And this low-paying job

這個低工資的工作

Is as bad as it seems

真的非常糟糕

Bad as it seems

真的非常糟糕

What the [bleep] are you doing here?

你在這裡幹什麼呀

Whoa

哇

What the [bleep] are you doing here?

你在這裡幹什麼呀

Oh

哦

Seriously, dude. - Like, what the [bleep]?

兄弟，認真的， 你在這裡幹什麼呀？

[creaks]

《Smosh - 兼職生第一季第七集：失敗同人誌》

[crashes]

《Smosh - 兼職生第一季第七集：失敗同人誌》

- Dinger's fan fiction is really good.

迪傑的同人誌很好看。

- You're only saying that

你認同的原因

because he gave Pork E. a huge wang.

只是因為他給小箭一個巨型下體。

- No, because he nailed me perfectly,

才不是，因為他畫得一模一樣，

down to the huge wang.

由頭直到巨型下體。

- Well, you're the only one he nailed.

只有你那個角色設計得好。

Ella has a third boob that shoots lasers from the nipple.

艾拉有第三個胸可以在乳頭射出激光。

- Yeah, Ermagerd and her third

沒錯， 噢邁割和她的第三個

are intergalactic bounty hunters.

是星際賞金獵人。

I need that tit.

我需要那個胸。

- So it's just me that he got wrong.

所以他只把我的角色設計得不對。

Nags, a giant mosquito overlord?

納茲，一個巨型蚊子霸王？

- My character's a little off too.

我的角色也有點不對。

- You're an anxiety-ridden robotic caterpillar

你是個憂心忡忡毛毛蟲機器人

with an android butterfly growing inside you.

內裡有個成長中的機械蝴蝶。

It's a euphemism for puberty.

這是形容青春期的委婉說法。

- Crap.

真是的。

Nailed it.

說中了。

[indistinct chatter]

[換畫面和遊戲聲效]

- Push from your core. Tighten your butthole.

用你核心肌肉的力去推，收緊你的屁眼。

Now stop.

好，停。

Pete, this new parking spot is gonna shave

皮特，我上班路程會因為這個新的停車位

a full 35 seconds off my work walk.

而減去整整三十五秒。

And you know what I always say, right?

而你知道我一直說的那句話嗎？

- No.

不知道。

- ABCT-- "Always be cutting time."

ABCT——「不停的減去時間。」

- Roger that.

收到。

- You know what you get when you cut time, right?

你知道當你減去時間能得到什麼嗎？

- No. - You create time.

不知道。 你製造時間。

And with that time,

你所製造的時間

take it, lock it away for the future.

抓住，鎖住留給未來。

You know what this spot needs?

你知道這裡需要什麼？

Some class.

一些高尚。

You know that guy that owns that nightclub down the street?

你知道街上那個擁有間夜場的人嗎？

He can give us a killer deal on some velvet rope.

他可以給我們超棒的交易去換一些天鵝絨繩。

- "Velvet rope"? - Oh, you hear that?

「天鵝絨繩」？ 噢，你聽到嗎？

Oh, that's time slipping away, slipping away, slipping away.

那是時間正在溜走⋯

Come on, Pete. - I feel my life slipping away.

去吧，皮特。 我覺得我的生命正在溜走。

- What the-- [clicks tongue]

幹嘛⋯

Anton, we ain't got time for that.

安東，我們沒有時間去理會這事。

- This is created time, Lori.

這是製造時間，洛瑞。

This time doesn't even exist yet.

時間還沒存在。

- Okay, great. I'll be at the Korean spa for about five hours.

太好了。我會做五小時的韓國水療。

Don't call.

別聯絡我。

- I'll just be enjoying my new executive parking spot.

我在這裡享受我的新行政停車位。

It's gonna look so good with a velvet rope.

天鵝絨繩會令這裡變得更好看。

- So, in conclusion,

總結來說，

the conversion rate is 17 gravitons to one Uncle Sam.

兌換率是十七個重力子換一個山姆大叔。

Great question.

好問題。

- I have a question.

我有個問題。

- You, shorty in the front.

你，前面那個矮子。

- [sighs, clears throat]

[嘆氣，清理喉嚨]

I just feel like in your description

我總覺得在你的角色描述裡

of Nags the Mosqueezo,

的納茲蚊女皇，

there's an overlooked core of helpfulness and efficiency

忽視了樂於助人和有效率的核心

that is missing from your description

消失在你的描述裡

and makes her feel, perhaps, unseen.

而讓她覺得，可能，被忽視。

- So what's your question?

所以你的問題是什麼？

- Why does my character suck?

為什麼我的角色這麼爛？

- Oh, 'cause she needs blood to survive.

噢，因為他要吸血去維持生命。

- "Exorctly." [watch alarm beeping]

「妹挫」

Dingernauts, you're in for a treat--

迪傑黨，你們聽到這消息將會很高興——

the showstopper of the tour.

是這次遊覽的導遊。

Take five, and I'll be back in a "nanojiff."

休息五分鐘，我會穿上噴射背包很快回來。

And remember to hold on to your nuts,

記得守住你們的果實，

because they're about to be blown into space!

因為它們將被吹入宇宙！

- [sighs]

[嘆氣]

Ugh, back off.

啊，走開。

And sit down. God!

還有坐下來。天啊！

Stand up.

站起來。

Sit down.

坐下來。

Clean that table.

清理那張桌子。

- Nag us, Nags.

嘮叨我們吧，納茲。

- We can take it. - We love it.

我們能容忍的。我們很喜歡的。

- We not be so unwise as to deny the command

我們不會不明智的拒絕服從

of the most feared overlord in all the land.

地上最可怕的霸王的命令。

- Way to commit, Jeff.

很好的方法去承認，傑夫。

- Okay, well, when you're finished with the tables,

好吧，當你完成清潔後，

you can degrease all the joysticks,

你們去把操縱桿油污清理，

and you can unclog all the holes in the air-hockey table.

你們清理空氣曲棍球桌子中的洞。

Ah, there is so much to get done.

嗯，有這麼多事能夠完成。

- Now, this is how you ABE--

現在，這就是你怎樣ABE

"Always be 'executivizing.'" - I'll write that down.

「總是不停地『執政性地』。」 我會記下來的。

- "Initiativizing"-- I like it.

「主動性地」我喜歡。

[horn honks]

[喇叭聲]

I know! Cool spot, right?

我知道！很棒的地點，對嗎？

- Sir, we need you to move your vehicle

先生，我們需要你移動你的車輛

so we can get to the Dumpster.

讓我們可以靠近垃圾箱。

- Oh, uh, actually, new thing--

哦，嗯，其實，新消息

I'm gonna need you to come around my spot

我會需要你以四十五度角繞過來

at a 45-degree angle, then about-face to the left.

然後左轉彎去到我這位置。

- We're not pulling into the lot.

我們才不會駛進去。

We've gotten stuck back there before.

我們以前在裡面卡住了。

Also, we don't have to-- union rules.

而且，我們也不需要這樣做因為工會規則。

- Oh, the union.

噢，工會。

[bell dings]

[鈴聲]

- [sighs] We'll do you a favor,

我們幫你一個忙，

and we'll come back at the end of our route.

我們完成原來路線後就會回來。

Just put the Dumpster back, okay?

請把垃圾桶搬回來，好嗎？

[truck beeping]

[貨車鳴聲]

- Quick tip, Pete--

小提示，皮特

"The union" is code for "grease the wheels,"

代號「工會」指「讓事件變得順暢」。

and "grease the wheels" is code for "bribe me."

代號「讓事件變得順暢」指「賄賂我」。

[vacuum cleaner whirring]

[吸塵器呼呼聲]

- Clean deeper, harder.

用力點，乾淨點。

- Dingernauts, may I introduce to you the master of his craft,

迪傑黨，我向大家介紹了他的大師級手藝，

the lord of deep space,

宇宙深淵之王，

the savior of the known universe and our god--

我們宇宙的救世主和我們的上帝

the Pork E. Pine!

小箭豬先生！

- Are you guys ready to rock, antigravity style?

你們準備好搖滾，反重力風格嗎？

Not this time, Schwartzman.

你這次沒得逞，施瓦茲曼。

- Come on up for a group picture.

來吧影一張大合照。

- Halt! Where do you think you're going?

停！你們想去那？

There's still gum underneath half of these tables.

還有一半的桌子下面黏著口香糖。

Keep cleaning.

繼續清潔。

- What have you done with my people?

你對我的手下做過什麼事？

- These are my people now,

他們是我的手下了，

and as you said in "Pork Apocalypto" chapter 8,

正如你所說在「小箭啟示錄」第八章，

"There's no loyalty in space."

「宇宙裡是沒有忠誠度。」

- [wails] Hoisted by my own petard!

自食其果！

- Waah!

哇！

- They're coming!

他們來了！

- Make sure they can really see the soap.

確保他們能看得到肥皂。

- You didn't give me a walkie-talkie!

你沒給我一部對講機！

- Hide, Pete!

皮特，躲起來！

Hide!

躲起來！

[mysterious music]

[神秘音樂]

Take it. Take it.

拿去吧。

[truck door closes]

[貨車門關上]

Oh!

噢！

[truck beeping]

[貨車蜂鳴聲]

- They didn't like it!

他們不喜歡！

- Just clean it up.

清理掉。

- What'd you say?

你說什麼？

- Toss it!

把它扔掉。

You know, this is a valuable lesson, Pete.

你要知道這是一個寶貴的教訓，皮特。

Some men can't be bought,

有些人是不受賄賂，

and some unions can't be defeated.

有些工會不被打敗。

Always be knowing when to hold 'em

要知道什麼時候繼續撲克，

and when to fold 'em.

什麼時候棄牌。

Fold 'em.

棄牌。

- What are you doing? - We're taking our payment.

你們在做什麼？ 我們正在拿取工資。

- You're not stealing our balls.

你不能偷我們的球。

- Balls? These are gravitons.

球？這些都是重力子。

And we had a contract. - No, we didn't.

而且我們有簽合同。 錯，我們沒有。

- Episode one, section three, the contract states--

第一集，第三節，合同⋯

- Okay, this is real life.

這是現實。

You do not steal balls from kids, you Dingernauts.

迪傑黨，你們不能偷給孩子玩的球。

Plus, you do not want to take these home.

加上，你不會希望取這些回家。

You know how many times we've cleaned these balls?

你知道我們多久清理這些球嗎？

Never! No time.

永不會，沒有一刻。

- [sniffs] - But...

但是⋯

we worked hard for these gravitons.

我們為這些而努力工作。

- Well, you're not taking them.

你們不能拿回家。

- The Mosqueezo has shown her true form.

蚊女皇向我們展示真實形態。

- Just like she did before the fall of the Laser Locusts.

就像她以前擊倒激光蝗蟲一樣。

- We will succeed where the Laser Locusts failed.

我們會成功打倒她不會像激光蝗蟲一樣被擊倒。

Let the rebellion begin!

叛亂開始！

[all imitating alarm blaring]

[模仿高音警報]

- Stop it!

停下來！

Dinger, your idiot fans are robbing us.

迪傑，你的白痴支持者搶劫我們。

- It's the uprising.

這是暴亂。

Have they taken any hostages?

他們有人質嗎？

- You aren't leaving until you crap out a butterfly!

直到你成為一隻蝴蝶前你不能離開！

- I hate, hate, hate, hate to admit this,

我討厭承認這點，

but I think we're gonna need to work together.

但我認為我們需要一起合作。

- Nags the Mosqueezo joining the forces of good...

納茲蚊女皇加盟⋯

interesting plot twist.

有趣的情節轉折。

Would you swear allegiance to me?

你會對我宣誓效忠？

- As Nags the Mosqueezo,

作為納茲蚊女皇

I declare that you may keep all the gravitons

我宣布，你可以保留所有

you have rightfully earned.

你們理所當然得到的重力子。

- But as VIP Dingernauts,

但作為至尊會員的迪傑黨，

you now have the opportunity to purchase passes

你現在有機會購買我們旅遊的通行證

to see the last feature of our tour--

去看最後的景點

Ermagerd and her third.

噢邁割和她的第三個。

- Wait. The whole thing or just the nipple?

等等，是整個胸還是只有亂頭？

- All of it, for all of your gravitons.

全部重力子看整個胸。

[all whispering indistinctly]

[隱約竊竊私語]

- Deal. - Thank God.

成交。謝天謝地。

Hand over the balls.

交出所有球。

- Welcome.

歡迎。

Come closer, and I will reveal the third to you.

走近一點，我將會給你揭示第三個。

[magical futuristic music]

[神奇未來音樂]

- Boobs are magic.

巨乳真的很神奇。

- Help!

救命！

Anyone?

有沒有人？

Puberty's a bitch.

青春期是一個婊子。