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  • If you want to get stronger, you can go to the gym, and if you're interested in learning

  • how to code, there's tons of classes you can take on that, but where do you go if you want

  • to learn how to develop your confidence and your charisma? That's what I'm talking about

  • today and I want to share with you the four things that I've done in my life that have

  • had the most impact on those two things in social situations, work environments, all

  • across the board.

  • So, the first one is for the type of person who might get into a conversation that feels

  • like they very quickly run out of things to say, whether that happens after a minute or

  • after twenty minutes. And the thing that I recommend, the class that I took that helped

  • me the most with that is "Improv Comedy." First off, because it is scary, right? To

  • get there in front of people you don't know and try to be funny, let along say anything,

  • is a terrifying experience, and anything that pushes your comfort zone is going to help

  • you in social situations. But that's not why I recommend improv comedy. In fact, there

  • is something that is much, much stronger about that, and that's that you have nothing to

  • go off of when you stand up there. You stand up there, your mind is blank, and all of a

  • sudden the audience shouts out a suggestion, and you have to riff off that, which might

  • sound like it's a very isolated incident, but, really, that's what all sorts of conversation

  • are. You're talking to someone that give you a conversational threat and, then, you have

  • to riff on that. And that has helped me more than anything I've ever done. Continue conversations

  • with people even when they start to stall, so check out improv comedy if that is something

  • that you have identified as a problem in your life.

  • The second thing that I recommend is for people who struggle with public speaking, and as

  • far as I can tell, that's just about everyone. So if you're interested in this, check out

  • "Toastmasters." And if you're not familiar, Toastmasters is this nationwide group of people

  • who have chapters in most major cities, and even towns, where they meet and help each

  • other learn how to public speak. Now, this is fantastic because most of the chances that

  • you're probably getting to public speak are very high stakes. We're talking best man's

  • speech. We're talking something that might get you a promotion, and that's going to freak

  • you out. Toastmasters, extremely low stakes. Everyone is there to learn, so that helps

  • a lot. But, second, most of the chances you get to public speak are one and done. You're

  • not getting really valuable feedback from it, so the second time you go in, you're struggling

  • just as much, and Toastmasters is just the opposite. They have this amazing program and

  • structure for teaching people how to become better, and it goes all the way down to the

  • level where when you're speaking, there is someone in the audience who is counting the

  • number of filler words that you used, and they will tell you at the end how many times

  • you said like, how many times you said uh, how many times you said uhm, and with this

  • sort of detailed feedback, you could go piece by piece, making yourself a much stronger

  • public speaker. I highly recommend it. I know that most companies will be very supportive

  • if you did this. In fact, I used to go on Wednesdays during my lunch hour, and that

  • would be the Toastmasters thing that I did, so it was not any extra time in my day. It

  • was something that fit into my work schedule. I highly recommend checking that out if public

  • speaking is something you want to improve in.

  • The third thing is a bit different than the first two and it's something that's going

  • to help you in those situations where there's conflict that's about to occur, and I don't

  • mean necessarily any sort of fight, but I mean that somebody might be up in your face and your heart starts

  • to race, you're not sure how to respond to them, and that is "Martial Arts." Now, I don't

  • mean so you can punch them in the face, and you win the fight before you've even have

  • to speak to them. What I mean is that the experience that you're likely to have in a

  • martial arts class, where you're sparring, and somebody is trying to hit you, or you're

  • doing jiujitsu and somebody is on top of you trying to choke you, is of an elevated heart

  • rate, rapid breathing, spiked adrenaline, and there's this fight or flight mode that

  • you tend to enter the first time you do it.

  • I know when I first into a BJJ class presenting jiujitsu, I freaked out the first time that

  • somebody was pinning me, trying to choke me. Now, what you learn to do through martial

  • arts is to experience that, breathe through it, and remain calm so you can make the best

  • plan of action to go forward, and this is what you need to do when those social situations

  • or somebody gets up in your face or try to disrupt you, right? They're trying that, oftentimes,

  • whether there's this conflict people try to push each other into fight or flight, and

  • what you need to do is feel that. Feel the adrenaline rising. Feel your heart rate start

  • to go up, the breathing start to go faster, and learn how to breathe into that, so that

  • you can take the best course of action forward.

  • I know this might seem like they're not directly connected, but I promise you, that experience

  • of dealing with that freak out calmly is going to serve you in so many situations where there's

  • conflict, and even situations where it might not be on the surface, like you're sitting

  • down to make your appeal for why you should get a raise or promotion, right? Your heart

  • rate goes up, you start to freak out. If you have that experience of dealing with that

  • in a situation where you're actually in physical combat, it becomes easier in those situations

  • where the stakes are just social.

  • The fourth thing that I recommend is the one that I personally did the most of, and I saw

  • the most benefit from it, and that was taking any sort of social environment that I was

  • invited to, whether it was a bar, a party, a night club, a networking event, and using

  • that as an opportunity to see and test the kind of first impression that I was making.

  • Because when you go out with your friends, you've already made your first impression.

  • If you tell a boring story, it's not like they're going to disappear into the bathroom

  • and never be heard from again. But, when you go out to a bar, or you're at a networking

  • event, and you start to tell a boring story, or a boring fact about yourself in the first

  • two minutes, people, they get out of there. They excuse themselves. They get on their

  • phones. They go to the bathroom, and you get very, very good real time feedback as to what

  • is fascinating and interesting to a stranger, and to what is boring. And if you start to

  • pay attention to this, and you sort of split test. You do one conversation slightly differently.

  • You lead talking about something that fascinates you, and, then, you do another conversation

  • talking about your work, and you see which of those tend to go better, you're going to

  • learn about yourself. Well, this is interesting. People are most fascinated, in my case, by

  • my passion for music, or people are most fascinated by the fact that I have this really, really

  • interesting job.

  • Whatever it is, when you start to test those things, you're going to see that there are

  • aspects of yourself that are more fascinating to strangers than others, and when you lead

  • with those, you get a chance to connect with more people. So, go out, be a bit of a scientist

  • and, then, afterwards, whether it's at the end of the night, or during the middle of

  • the day, whenever you leave this event, go and play back the different interactions that

  • you had in your head. Compare the ones that went well to the ones that didn't, and see

  • what was different, right? And that's going to start to help you to learn about yourself

  • and the things that are truly fascinating about you, and the way that you present yourself.

  • What you're going to find is that when you have higher energy, you're more engaged, you're

  • talking about things that excite you, you're probably going to have conversations that

  • go better.

  • So those are the four things that I personally found most helpful in my experience trying

  • to be more charismatic and confident. Now, of course, at that time, there was no Charisma

  • on Command course on how to make amazing first impressions. And since then, I've tried to

  • go back and take everything that I learned from all those experiences; taking what was

  • good, throwing out what stunk, and put them into one place.

  • So, if you're interested in that, you're interested in making amazing first impressions, we've

  • set up a video where you can see, basically, the underlying thing that I discovered in

  • my dream, which is that there are four emotions that create an amazing first impression on

  • anyone if you hit them in the right order, and that extends to people in the workplace,

  • people socially, if you're interested in dates. It doesn't matter. These are human triggers.

  • So if you're curious what those four emotions are in the order that you ought to be hitting them in,

  • because a lot of people are doing it wrong, go ahead, click the link here. It will take

  • you to another page where you can drop your email, and be taken directly to that video.

  • So, I hope that you, guys, have enjoyed this. If you have any suggestions or questions,

  • comments, things that you'd like to see me cover, go ahead, write them below in the comments.

  • Of course, if you're not yet subscribed, we have new videos every Monday and we're starting

  • based on feedback from you guys. We'll continue if you like it to do throw back videos on

  • Thursday, of old stuff that you might not have seen from us, updated, cooler, with a

  • nice little background here.

  • So, hopefully, guys, you enjoyed this video and I will see you in the next one.

If you want to get stronger, you can go to the gym, and if you're interested in learning

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4項活動將大幅提升你的魅力。 (4 Activities That Will Dramatically Boost Your Charisma)

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    tobosu 發佈於 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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