Name: 人生課題：關於我們又愛又恨的自尊心 (Self-Esteem)
Uploaded: 2017-03-05T22:00:00.000Z
Duration: 5 min 37 s

having high self-esteem as we tend to put it

也就我們所說的「擁有高度自信」

跟我們自身的快樂有很大的關係

What's odd, then, is just how unpredictable the allocation of esteem often turns out to be.

但奇怪的是，人們擁有自信的程度時常難以預測

unspectacular bodies and unglamorous friends.

Who confidently nevertheless lay claim to buoyant levels of self-esteem

卻依然很有自信且擁有很高的自我滿足感

despite the absence of any vigorous signs of approval from the world at large.

儘管他們並沒有得到社會的認可

for who no amount of achievement, prestige and financial security

不論擁有多高的成就、多好的聲望和多少財富

They anxiously chastise and critic themselves.

Always feeling that they've underperformed,

never quite trusting that they really deserved to exist.

ultimately appears to have precious little to do with hitting any verifiable benchmarks.

結果顯示，似乎與達到客觀指標沒有什麼關聯

It seems connected up with a stranger, more internal, more subjective kind of logic

反而與一種特別的、較內心、主觀的邏輯比較有關

with factors immune to standard notions of achievement.

而那些成就不受外在成就所影響

與你同性別的家長做過什麼事，會影響到你的自信心塑造

the single greatest determinant of how much you will esteem yourself

自信心塑造，最簡單及最好的判定標準就是

is how you compare with your same-sex parent.

Whether you have achieved more or less than mum or dad.

無論你的成就比父母親高還是低

Rather brutally, it seems like comfortable levels of self-esteem

現實告訴你，想要擁有高度的自信

are only available to those who've managed to outpace their same-sex parent.

就必須設法超越與你相同性別的家長的成就

Those from a poor background have a big unwitting advantage here.

那些家境清寒的人有一個很大的優勢

You might only be driving a beaten-up old taxi around Manhattan

你可能在曼哈頓開一輛破舊的計程車維生

But, if your same-sex parent was a subsistence farmer from Eastern Burkina Faso

但假如與你同性別的父母，只是個在布吉納法索東部以牧農為生的農夫

you will at times feel princely nevertheless.

你偶爾就會覺得自己其實過得還滿好的

you might have grown up in ostensibly privilege circumstances

but if your same-sex parent made a few hundred million

但如果你的同性別家長是億萬富翁

and you're only managing to pull in a middle-class salary

you're liable never quite to shake off the haunting feeling that you're a disgrace.

你永遠都會擺脫不了「你是個恥辱」的感受

We don't feel inadequate in relation to everyone who has more than us

我們不會看到所有比我們好的人就感到沒自信

Only those who we've come to see as belonging to another

——他們也是自信心高低的關鍵因素

By this we mean the people who were educated with us

這邊指的是跟我們一起受教育的同學

且跟我們活在同一個生活圈的人們

These people matter infinitely more to our sense of well-being

這些人對於我們的「過得好不好」的影響

and a matter for particular commiseration and assistance

if ever our peer group produces someone who starts a billion dollar company or,

如果你的同儕中有人經營了幾十億元的公司

或是天殺的，最後成為治理國家的人

Every time someone we went to school with does better than us,

每當發現自己的同學過得比自己好時

我們的內心就會有一小部分死掉

and after graduation to throw all invitations to reunions straight in the trash.

而畢業後，把所有同學會邀請函丟到垃圾桶

What kind of love you received in childhood.

A lot depends on what kind of affection we were the recipients of in childhood,

很大一部分的自信來自童年得到什麼樣的愛

in particular, how many conditions our love came attached with.

尤其是我們得到的愛有沒有附加條件

Some of us had parents who only knew how to give out the conditional kind of love.

有些父母只給予孩子有條件的愛

It was all about the grades and the schools reports,

例如跟在學校的成績及課業表現如何有關

we therefore grew up of course, to be high achievers.

But it's not so easy, running around your whole life long,

但絕不是簡單的，必須花你的一生

desperate to put out the raging fires of self-hatred

striving to impress everyone you meet in search of an unsatisfied desire for a parental approval you never knew.

努力讓大家對自己有好印象，因為你從來沒有得到父母的認同過

who've known unconditional love from the start,

They won't have to do quite so much pushing

guaranteed by the knowledge that they once mattered immeasurably

因為曾經有過那份愛而已有足夠的自信

It won't necessarily have to be a tragedy.

Knowing about the odd internal origins of self-esteem is crutial

because of how often we pursue goals in the belief that success will at last

因為我們追求成功的同時，都是相信「成功」最終

give us the keys to feeling good about ourselves.

You might ostensibly be doing very well at work

表面上，你可能工作表現地光鮮亮麗

but if your dad was a big shot, or your school buddy became president

但如果你爸超厲害，或是你的同學變成總統

or your parents didn't tank you up with the right unconditional sort of love

又或許你的父母從前沒有給你無條件的愛

no amount of striving, goalscoring, and medal-winning is ever really gonna do it.

因此，不論多少的努力、達成目標、或贏得獎牌，都不能讓你有自信

This changes where we should imagine our challenges lie.

換個思路，其實通往成功的挑戰和自信心的建立關聯很小

isn't ultimately something we can bring about through professional

In huge part, it's going to be about coming to terms with ourselves.

很大的一部分，是跟我們自己有關

and the dynamics of shame conditionality and humiliation might lie there.

It turns out that high self-esteem seems largely to be apprised of psychology

結果顯示高度自我滿足感大多來自心理狀態

rather than the fruit of anything we might achieve

out in the world in relation to the economy.

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人生課題：關於我們又愛又恨的自尊心 (Self-Esteem)

ultimately

crucial

kind

good